Did he know? (poss triggering)

20 years on!!!
Did he know or was it totally innocent? what a weird question to ask on here how does anyone possibly know
He finished his job with no further problem and he d work for you and friends for years so may be it was a forgetful moment but wether it was or it wasn’t is immaterial now, it a makes not a ounce of difference
Was this posted to shock us ?
My answer
It could have been or it might not have been who knows ??‍♂️

Lemongrove ???
Mary, what rachifagran said. Forget it and move on.

I don't know if he knew! How would anyone else know for sure?

I only hope you didn't recommend this painter to any of your friends.

On the other side of the coin, the decorator could have gone home that evening, stepped through the door to say hello to his missus only for her to exclaim "George! Look at the state of you! How long have you been dressed that like that?" Poor George probably looked down at his exposed appendage and fainted with shock and embarrassment and has never been back to paint another hall, stairs and landing again. And he's wondering, "Did Mrs MaryTheBookeeper see anything? She didn't appear to be upset or shocked and surely she'd have said something to me if she had. Wouldn't she?"

MaryTheBookeeper He probably knew - but as he didn't get his penis out or touch you, and it was 20 years ago, why does it still bother you? Just wondered.

Things like that (and actual abuse) happened to me on a few occasions - I didn't do anything about it, and wouldn't now. It's been and gone.

Isn't there an old music hall joke along these lines- old woman telling someone about being flashed at, person asks "Do you want to make a complaint?" and she answers "No I just like to talk about it."

Trisher
I do wonder what Mary has got out of posting about her experience.

We are old.
We've recently had to ditch most things that made our lives interesting.
Our minds ramble about through our memories.
Strange puzzling things from the past may come to the surface, and we wonder what others would think about them.

Of course, some of us seem not to do that and content ourselves with replying snappily to those who do.

Oh well.

Mary. I understand why you felt you couldn’t say anything at the time. It’s being unsure that it was deliberate, and paralysing embarrassment.

That is what people like that depend on.
If you had told your husband you would have put him in a terrible predicament. If it was clearly deliberate then confrontation would have been inevitable. If not deliberate then he would be accusing an innocent man.

I also understand the flashbacks that you get when you have suffered trauma, especially one which was unresolved as this was.

May I suggest that you will never know for sure. If he continued to work in your area with a good reputation then most likely it was an embarrassing accident. If he vanished then he likely was caught. You were right not to tell your husband as you were unsure.

I’m not going to say try to forget it. Just try to remind yourself it was not your fault. You had a terrible experience but you handled it well.

janeainsworth. You are wondering what Mary got out of posting about her experience.
I don’t for a moment think she has dredged this out of her memory to elicit a purient response. I believe she was traumatised and the memory unfortunately surfaces from time to time. It is not the kind of thing you want to talk about in real life and fortunately she has this anonymous forum to vent on.
I hope that she finds strength and support from her peers to help her deal with the incident.

Good post Esspee

Esspee I believe she was traumatised and the memory unfortunately surfaces from time to time. It is not the kind of thing you want to talk about in real life and fortunately she has this anonymous forum to vent on.
I can’t help feeling that she would get better help, strength and support from a professional counsellor.

Isn't it a pity that we are not prepared to talk about things like this in real life. Surely managing to do that would benefit everyone.

The problem about talking to friends is embarrassment and that the story might be repeated. If the memory is causing real issues then a professional counsellor is a good idea but I didn’t get the feeling that Mary was not capable of handling it on her own.
She just needs reassurance that she did nothing wrong.

I’m Astonished at how often this has happened to you all. I’ve never had anyone expose themselves to me.

Bellanonna

That was a long time ago, OP.

So?

He knew. He was vile.

He used his power over to to get his kicks.

This is never okay

janeainsworth

Esspee I believe she was traumatised and the memory unfortunately surfaces from time to time. It is not the kind of thing you want to talk about in real life and fortunately she has this anonymous forum to vent on.
I can’t help feeling that she would get better help, strength and support from a professional counsellor.

I feel that way about a lot of posts here.

But there you go.

He wouldn’t have had any ‘power’ ( if that’s what it was) if the OP had said briskly ‘turn around please and do up your flies!’
Which is what I would have said.

lemongrove

He wouldn’t have had any ‘power’ ( if that’s what it was) if the OP had said briskly ‘turn around please and do up your flies!’
Which is what I would have said.

Well, bully for you

Oh espee a bit dramatic I very much doubt if Mary has been traumatised for the last 20 years
She just needs reassuring she did nothing wrong oh please she saw a willy 20 years ago either by mistake or on purpose who knows, it was 20 years ago
summerlove hung drawn and quartered you ve no idea if he knew or not anyway he’s probably dead by now
Oh my word Janeainesworth up the anti now this lady needs professional counselling
You must have all led sheltered lives
If he’d have done anything with it it would be very different
If he had done it on a number of occasions while working there, again a different story or if he had propositioned her in anyway but a peep at a sleepy willy, oh my word
Some of the stories I could tell when I worked as a chambermaid would send you for your smelling salts

By the way whatever you do never watch Naked Bodies you might see a willy

I havent led a sheltered life, but I have boundaries about what is acceptable. I want women to go through life without incidents like this.

Yes Summerlove bully for me, because I’m a grown woman and wouldn’t have had a fit of the vapours if a workman had been showing a bit more than he should, either accidentally or on purpose.

The grown women I known wouldn't think that was ok and would understand that women would have different reactions to that.