I’d like some advice about helping my distressed friend.

It’s still 3 months until Christmas and we have no idea what might happen between now and then. 2 of my children live away and I’m going to plan for Christmas as if they are coming as usual. There’s no point worrying about something that might not happen.

Ive had a few christmases where i stay home as my two youngest 'kids' still live at home, (21&17) and as they have medical & some ASD issues they prefer xmas at home, just the 3 of us! So we drop off gifts& have shorter visits to family before xmas(most of whom live further away) Last xmas i was very ill(possibly covid19) and all over new year, then they were ill after me, so this year will be great improvement on that hopefully, if we are all well, so we are staying home (again!) So i think if you are well and safe then you should just make the most of it. And yes ill miss other AC & GC (inc one whose birthday is also boxing day) and the newest addition this year as well, whom ive seen only once, but if we are all safe to see them all next year, when perhaps theres a solution for this dreadful situation, then thats the main thing.?

Cleopanda- but isnt some allowed if its their bubble?- though i dont think its across THREE households, just one other hosehold that you must stick with isnt it?mixing 3 households would be madness i think, with the risks to you all.

Surely the actual position is that nobody, including the Government knows what position we’ll be in by Christmas. It’s therefore far too soon to make plans, or to worry about it yet - people making defiant plans to break the rules are living in a dream world, as are equally those who are predicting that we will all be confined to our own homes. At the moment more than ever in our lives, surely we’ve got to live for now, and enjoy the little things, not speculate about the maybes three months away?

I'm in my 70s too, and have spent the last 2 Christmases alone for reasons I won't go into. No falling outs or anyone to blame - I made the decision for the best of intentions and will opt to spend this next one alone too. I tell myself sternly that I can do just what I want, watch whatever TV I want, indulge myself in food that's mostly been semi prepared and maybe watch DVDs bought for the occasion.
( Still haven't watched the two I bought last Christmas!)
It can be done. It's just 24 hours.

Also i dont think we will be doing the gift drop visits either! Ill just post them off to them.

* Meant household?

At end of the day Lockdown is trying to Save our lives and Loved Ones . Christmas is a couple of days and this lady is still alive and got people around her who love her . Hence the message on here . She will just have to accept it . I’m alone and age 73 been alone for a few years now no family either apart until a few weeks ago I had my (fur babies Chihuahua age 13 years old) one had to be put to sleep 19/08/2020 so this Xmas I won’t have him . But we are alive and so is this lady . Message here celebrating with loved ones if you lucky to have them can be done before and after Xmas plus she no doubt can use her phone on Xmas day .

Stop stop stop its September anything at all could happen before Christmas
Never, never get obsessed so far forward about something you can do nothing about
Never never get obsessed too far back that you can’t change
Live each day best you can and Christmas, birthdays, weddings, and funerals will come and go and as long as you can make yourself some happiness and stay alive you re on to a winner

Could you organise a Boxing Day lunch together in one of your homes then she has something to look forward to once Christmas Day has passed, or if she lives nearby plate up an extra Christmas Dinner and pop it round. I'm sure I've seen somewhere an organisation which brings people together but obvously it would have to adhere to social distancing. It's so difficult.

BlueBelle

Stop stop stop its September anything at all could happen before Christmas
Never, never get obsessed so far forward about something you can do nothing about
Never never get obsessed too far back that you can’t change
Live each day best you can and Christmas, birthdays, weddings, and funerals will come and go and as long as you can make yourself some happiness and stay alive you re on to a winner

Such good senseBlueBelle !!!

Aonk, You could let her form her 'support bubble' with you, and so join you for lunch if you are a good friend, couldnt you?Then she could perhaps have a day with another single friend on boxing day perhaps.?

The gov.uk website - Covid support bubble information - states that “if you’re in a single adult household you can form a support bubble with another household of any size that is not part of a support bubble with anyone else if you live by yourself”. Sorry, I couldn’t put the link on, but it’s easy to find.

Aonk
You must be a really kind person.
I have just read in today's newspaper about people who are using crowd funding methods to try to raise money for treatment for cancer which has been withheld because of Covid..
They are the people I feel sorry for.
Your friend is depressed because she will be alone for one day.
I honestly think I would tell her(assuming she is not physically ill herself) to count her blessings.

Maybe your friend could reframe this in her mind. As hard as it is, she does have a family who would normally want her at Christmas and there will be many other years to celebrate with them. There are people out there with health issues that mean they won't get that chance. People in Care Homes and hospital won't be allowed visitors if the rules stay the same. There are many grans on here who are estranged from their families which is just heart breaking.
One of the things your friend could do is to have a Zoom style time with them. Maybe when they sit down to dinner or whilst they are all opening their presents. It isn't exactly the same but it is a way of being included.

aonk - first of all, you are indeed a good friend to think of how to help. Secondly, it is very true that hundreds of thousands of people are regularly alone at Christmastime and it's only a couple of days and people do have to 'get through it'. However, as a bereavement counsellor I know that especially the first time that Christmas occurs without a loved one, or in new circumstances, it is really important to 'do' something to ease the emotional pain and loneliness so here's my suggestion which I know has worked for others. Marking and planning the day(s) is a good idea rather than trying to imagine they are not happening. Introducing activities that wouldn't normally be part of the Christmas/Boxing Day routine is another good idea because of the newness to the atmosphere those activities bring. In doing this they help prevent reflections on what happened on previous Christmas/Boxing Days. So I would sit with your friend and plan out two days with her using a definite time sheet so she has a programme of interaction to look forward to. Timetable in that a Christmas Day Church service (if she enjoys carols), some 15-minute, and maybe half-hour telephone conversations with family and friends, all arranged so that those people know their commitments, organise a delivery of afternoon tea from one of the many online bakeries to coincide with a film of her choice on TV, or a live-streamed event from a theatre, Royal Opera House or whatever (there is so much free entertainment online these days), arrange to meet her for a socially-distanced walk in a park which nobody can stop you from doing, and give her a nice present she can open. It's not difficult to organise a full two-day programme and I know this helps to get people through solitary Christmas Days. And importantly, call her yourself for two minutes before you turn in for the night. Good luck.

And still the government won't close our borders?

There will be thousands of people in the same situation - 'doesn't make it any happier, but I've already decided to play the optimist and say that I will now have at least three Christmas days, and enjoy presents and a special lunch with my AC and other members of the family over perhaps a couple of weeks. As things are, we may not even have one of our AC with us on Christmas Day, as the other in laws are naturally wanting to see them and each year we alternate visits on Christmas and Boxing Day. As you have said that you will see her on another day of the holiday, you can have a 'Christmas Day' with your friend whenever you choose - decorations, turkey, presents - all available to enjoy whenever you want. She can also do this with other members of her family.

It might not come to it. Things may be different by then. Don’t worry about it until nearer the time. Three months to go yet.

One of the singles holiday companies I keep half an eye on have a socially-distanced-rule-of-6 Christmas trip on offer - would this be something that appeals? It would probably be Go Adventures.

Indigoblue

And still the government won't close our borders?

What difference would that make?

Sorry sorry sorry, but NO.
A lot of us are going to be alone for Christmas.
We are at war with a virus - obey the emergency rules and stop being selfish - it's only ONE day for goodness sake! Are we all children because we're behaving like it!
If everyone behaved in a selfish way we may as well abandon all these precautions and carry on as though covid was indeed 'just a bad cold'.
I predict another spike after the New Year if people are encouraged to mix.

Is your friend active online? If so there are women's groups for over 50s who will probably host special events. If you would like to know more I can provide details by pm.

I can’t honestly understand people. Christmas is but one day. Those who are worrying about a day 3months ahead when we don’t know what tomorrow or next week will bring. Nothing in life is guaranteed and every day is a bonus when folk are living with untreatable cancer etc. Can’t be sympathetic about something which may not happen.

Not everybody loves Christmas. I hate it, the hype, the expectations, not the nature of the day. Use some radical acceptance and let's just get on with it. It's simply not the end of the world, now is it ?