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Is it really that bad to say I don't like prospective baby names?

(154 Posts)
NanAng Fri 16-Oct-20 14:43:53

I'm new to the forum, first grandchild on the way but i'm really sressed out about prospective girls names that are being mentioned. Does anyone else feel this way?

Marydoll Fri 16-Oct-20 14:48:14

Whatever you feel, keep it to yourself. I will only cause trouble. It is not your child.

payens1 Fri 16-Oct-20 14:49:16

it is the parents choice, just smile and say 'lovely' it is really nothing to do with you.

Oopsminty Fri 16-Oct-20 14:49:56

HI NanAng

Totally agree with Marydoll

Don't say a word smile

annodomini Fri 16-Oct-20 14:51:27

There are names I would have preferred to those my sons and their partners chose for my GC. That has no bearing whatsoever on my feelings for them. I loved all of them from the word go, no matter what their names were/are. I'm afraid you will have to resign yourself to accepting the names the parents have chosen, or risk a family rift by expressing your opinion.

lemongrove Fri 16-Oct-20 14:51:32

Practise smiling and saying ‘oh what an interesting name’😁
Whatever the parents choose just say it’s lovely ( once chosen)
If asked for your opinion before they actually choose, then be honest but diplomatic.
Not like a friend of ours who said ‘whaaaat? You must be crazy’ ( mind you, it was a pretty out there sort of name.)

NanAng Fri 16-Oct-20 15:05:00

Thanks for the replies and advice, I really appreciate it.

I know it's not my child and therefore not my choice. I just feel like the mum isn't thinking about the child's future, the way the name will look written down on things like CV's and to teachers in school. The child doesn't have a say in it and I think it's wrong to burden someone with a made up name and spelling. I feel it is setting her up not to achieve or to be taken seriously in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a blatent 'No thats awful' i'm just trying to make her see things from a different perspective. She's very young and she's thinking more about her not having a name anyone else has and it not 'being common'. I am by no means an old fuddy duddy, I'm just really struggling with it.

felice Fri 16-Oct-20 15:05:52

Just keep quiet, I like DS2's choice of names for his 2, but I still feel uncomfortable with DGS name here.

Wee bit common for me but SIL chose it and he is not an English speaker.
There are lots of other versions but unfortunately the French speakers cannot pronounce them properly.
I just kept quiet and explain the reason for his name to anyone who asks, out of earshot of DD of course.

vegansrock Fri 16-Oct-20 15:06:40

I don’t think Beyoncé’s mum made a mistake with her children’s names - they haven’t underachieved.

aggie Fri 16-Oct-20 15:10:23

Wish someone had stopped my Mums choice for me , nearly 83 years later I have never met anyone named the same , even as a surname it isn’t common

phoenix Fri 16-Oct-20 15:12:32

Why be stressed out by them, NanAng? Not your decision to make, can't see how stressing over it will change anything.

Illte Fri 16-Oct-20 15:13:31

Well I wanted to call one of my children Illte and another one Dyrnwyn.

My husband wouldn't have it so they're stuck with their ordinary names.

So now I'm Illte. On Gransnet anyway😬

Don't worry about teachers by the way. Every class has its fair share of unusual names 🙂

rafichagran Fri 16-Oct-20 15:14:35

I agree with other posters, you have to just accept it. If you try to get your daughter to change her mind or see it from your perspective, it will make her more determined to use the name.
Congratulations on becoming a Gran/ Nan.

Missfoodlove Fri 16-Oct-20 15:19:53

Children hate to be different.

Why not suggest they use a classic name on the birth certificate with the middle name as the “ different” name ?
K’inshanah could then use her classic name if she so wished.

NanAng Fri 16-Oct-20 15:31:39

Fair play. Everyone thats taken the time to comment has valid points and I appreciate them all.

The names they have for a boy are lovely. It's just the girl's ones. The latest suggestion was a beautiful name with the traditional spelling that she then went on to say 'but i'm not going to pronounce it like that I'm going to pronounce it like this' and believe me it was ridiciculous. To the point where it was another name completeley than how it was spelt. I just can't get my head around it. I don't want to mention it to my son because I don't want to cause any conflict between them, I'm just frustrated.

I will bite my tongue as you all seem to suggest, and just hope it's a boy! smile

Thanks again!

NanAng Fri 16-Oct-20 15:34:56

Thank you! I am really excited smile

PECS Fri 16-Oct-20 15:36:46

Luckily other kids won't care what their future class mate is called, teachers have taught wonderful kids with unusual names and troubled kids with establishment names!
If you are asked directly what you think you could say that generally you would choose a more commonly used name but will love the new baby with or without a unique name. Do not say you don't like it!

kittylester Fri 16-Oct-20 15:37:39

Been there - coped!! The two children in question could not be called anything else now.

After DD2 gave birth to a daughter who was given a lovely name, DH asked what their choice was for a boy. When told he said something like 'Well, that's quite er er er classic!'. He hasn't lived it down yet and Ellie is now 9! So, as someone upthread said - practice your response!

Hithere Fri 16-Oct-20 15:50:04

I agree with others: do not mention anything.

EllanVannin Fri 16-Oct-20 15:59:41

Just smile and do a " Mrs Brown " that's nice. grin

Grandmabatty Fri 16-Oct-20 16:03:27

Please don't s as y anything. Your dil will definitely not appreciate it and, as others have said, it's their baby. As a teacher I came across a multitude of names and pronunciations and it never affected how I thought of the child. Use this as the first attempt to keeping your lips firmly closed! I've had to do this occasionally and I'm glad I didn't interfere. Honestly, it's not worth the upset or the rift it could create in your relationship with them.

catherine123 Fri 16-Oct-20 16:09:24

my first grandaughter is due in six weeks i have four grandsons i do like the name its Erin but as with the others i just smile and say thats lovely i had enough problems with my mum in law going on about names WHILE I WAS IN HOSPITAL IN SLOW LABOUR she was still at it when Michelle was born just go with the flow and enjoy your grandchild x

BlueBelle Fri 16-Oct-20 16:16:14

You say you won’t say anything to your daughter in law but then you say I m just trying to make her see things from a different perspective So are you saying anything or not .... that interprets ‘I m trying to make her see what I believe is right’ ....You can’t do that if she wants to call the child Godzilla it’s her and your sons choice nothing to do at all with you and you need to get it out your mind completely
What may seem awful to you may seem fantastic to her
and its not on to wish for a boy just because the girls name doesn’t fit your views
Your daughter in law made a big mistake discussing it with you
They should have kept it secret till the baby arrived

Tangerine Fri 16-Oct-20 16:20:32

Say nothing as it will only cause trouble. I do understand what you mean about thinking of the child's future because one day the baby will be 45, 65 and, with luck, 85!

Even if you have something traditional or ordinary, names go in and out of fashion. When I was at school, there were hundreds of Julies and Lindas but they are out of the picture now.

I have an unusual but not completely ridiculous first name and I am pleased enough with it.

Hope all goes well for baby!

M0nica Fri 16-Oct-20 16:25:34

The answer to the 's question is: Yes.

What names your child and partner decide to give their child is nobody's business but theirs. However, if they ask for your opinion, just mention the one you like most and remain mute about the rest.