Grandchild behaviour

Germanshepheardsmum
Are you seriously saying that you’d stop loving your grandchildren for being stroppy.
Would you be ok with them not loving you for being a misery.

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

Maybe she wants her Mum to do her hair or do it herself depending on her age?

A little more background would be useful.

Thank you for the comments, she is 9

Germanshepherdsmum

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

Say no more. I have my answer.

Did she want you to do her hair?

I do most things that you have all suggested, told her parents the good things including the naughty things. She's got a brilliant school report and I do love her no matter what she does. I have her 1 day a week in holidays. We have all encouraged her to have her opinions from being small. I try to be consistent so don't know what's wrong unless its hormones she's well developed

Apologies - why do say you want her to do her hair? Is it messy?

Devices are not a positive influence IMO whether TV, tablet or phone. Could you start the day without it and take her out, even ask her parents to leave it at home/put it out of her way? Get some exercise, do something interesting, go somewhere fun, and tell her to lose the attitude if she is rude. Don't reason with her, just tell her she is being rude and you don't like her behaving like that. Go somewhere with other children if possible and if she misbehaves warn her once and, if it happens again, take her home. Be consistent. If she doesn't want her hair doing don't worry about it - take her out looking messy. Not many girls of her age like to look dishevelled so it will annoy her more than you. I don't think there is one answer, since I had DGC I learned that children behave differently for all sorts of reasons! Good luck.

Hithere

Apologies - why do say you want her to do her hair? Is it messy?

IShe's perhaps of the opinion that it was brushed at home before she visited the OP so doesn't need doing again.

I just say you don’t wNt to see Granny’s inner Rottweiler! Instantly complies. I’ve never had to do it. We had a battle of wills yesterday. He’s 11 and was off school so we baked a cake. Isn’t him the task of washing up. When we I inspected it it was still covered in chocolate mix. 4 times I sent him back to do it properly. He finally did when he realised that I was going to keep sending him back until he had done it properly. The fourth time I added drying it ready to put away. We didn’t have a row I was just firm with him. He knows he is greatly adored. His Mum told me he says he feels like a King in our house!! We certainly treat him like one but he has to behave and normally is no bother at all.

‘Pick your battles’ is good advice. Age is important. If you say you will do something, do it, I agree. Good luck with this. You say you love her then you will find a way to love her and like her as you build boundaries.

Germanshepherdsmum

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

So why are you even on gransnet then? A grandparent's love, like that of a parent, should be unconditional. Yes, there may be times when we don't particularly like their behaviour, but that doesn't mean we ever stop loving them.

not enough information...how old? why do you want to do her hair? are you her regular carer?

Is the device connected to the internet? Yes? Switch the internet off or block her device from the router. If that can't be done, tell her mother that she isn't to bring the device to your house until she learns to listen to you. Ignore the eye rolling and don't threaten anything you don't follow up with. Have you told her parents how she behaves? They might decide that they can deal with this.
I have also found that a delayed reaction can be effective. I walk away from confrontation but when they want me to do something, I just say no. I explain that they have to treat my requests with respect if they want my co-operation. It doesn't work with every child but you can give it a try.
Finally, give a countdown. If you were in the middle of watching the pivotal moment in a tv programme and somebody came in to demand you do something right now, you'd probably be obstructive too. For my grandaughter (who is very much demand avoidant) we set an alarm for 5 or 10 minutes to give her time to get to a point she feels comfortable to leave what she is doing. It isn't a perfect system but it work more often than not.

Don't know how but my daughter can control my grandson's device from her phone. He gets a warning then it will be switched off for specified time. Also it only comes on at 7am so if he wakes up and it's not on he knows to go back to sleep. He's 8

How you can love this insolent little madam to bits is beyond me.

Oh dear! Skilled adulting needed. Turn off the WiFi and say it only works for half an hour in your house!

I'm with the others in that if you threaten to tell their parents, you should carry it out otherwise there is no point, but on the other hand, if you do tell them and they do nothing, it's pretty pointless anyway!
You don't say how old she is, but I used to count to ten before switching off music/light/wifi etc and tell him I was going to do it. After the first couple of times I rarely got past 3 before he did what I had requested!

I would not threaten to tell her mum and dad…I don’t think it’s particularly helpful. Having said, when I saw the parents, I might say something like “we had a bit of a problem getting xxx hair done”
I would also give her a five minute warning. No-one likes to be disturbed in the middle of something. Say something like….I need you to stop doing this in five minutes so that we can get ready to go out……or whatever. This has always worked for me…it may not work for you, or might take a while to establish.
I have three granddaughters (13, 12 and 8) and one grandson (13) and I think that being fair and understanding leads to a better relationship.
Make a joke of it….be her friend…but leave her with no illusions about who is in charge!

You stay with Grandma in her house you follow Grandma's rules. No question no arguement.

Does it really matter if her hair isn’t done at 9 years old in the holidays ? She’s perfectly capable of brushing her own hair. Follow Mum & Dad rules re devices ! It’s a hard one, my almost 7 year old has neither his own devices nor a games console but has requested one this birthday and I think this will happen Children live in a very different world these days but am also aware that they do need to do other things too, maybe the day a week at Grannys could be device free and left at home ?

IMO a nine year old doesn't need to have any sort of "device" when she's in your care. If it was me, I'd ask the parents to keep it at their home so that the device isn't isn't your home. Then do something lovely and enjoyable with GD, such as baking, or a day out to a stately home gardens. Maybe fly a kite? Play a board game or cards? I'd make my time with her special & "device-free". I feel sure she'd swiftly have to accept this and would enjoy her time with Gran!

Your house, your rules. It is rude to make an adult wait until the game or chapter is finished. It is even ruder to make eye-rolls and mock your elders by imitating them.

Has there ever been, in the history of the world, a child which does as it's told?
I'm convinced that there are few if any of these paragons, and they must be a bit boring.
So long as children learn to be kind and loving, schools seem to manage the discipline bit - 'Miss says' is a frequent refrain in our family, whereas 'Nanny says' is really a bit of a joke.
Give it twenty or so years, and they'll be having the same problems.

Blondiescot some people on here don’t have children, let alone grandchildren. It isn’t a prerequisite for joining you know. And think twice before posting something like that - not having children or grandchildren isn’t necessarily a matter of choice.