Grandchild behaviour

Some of you have no idea. It’s a different world to the one we brought our kids up in! We have a very stroppy belligerent GD, 11 now. She has been very independent almost from birth, first words were ‘I do it myself’! She and I clash constantly. We have looked after her a lot before school and after and it’s murder. My D says pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff etc etc but I can’t leave it. I have to try and discipline her and get her to do things. My H just praises her, very rarely tells her off but when he does, she knows he means it.

She’s now worse than ever, you can’t punish her, she would probably hit you back, she’s stronger than any of us so you couldn’t take her iPad off her! She’d get her own food and anything else she wants. I tell her mum (single parent) and she just tells me I was wrong! It’s driven me mad, caused me sleepless nights and worry.

And yet - she’s the most loving child, very generous, is no trouble at school or to take anywhere. Im just praying that she’ll change when she’s older and get rid of the attitude and stroppiness and become the lovely girl she can be.

Ive a feeling I'm going to regret posting this as you’ll probably all be appalled but you’ve got to live with this to realise how awful it can be.

Sorry Luckylegs my kids are actually stricter sometimes with their children than I was with them. One thing they won't permit is disrespect. So when the GCs sometimes go a little too far or my DS thinks they are taking advantage of my generosity he will step in and stop them.
An adult shouldn't have to fight a child to take something away or discipline them. Put a password on the internet and don't tell her what it is so she can't use it. She might keep her i-pad but she'll soon want to go on-line. Don't allow it until her behaviour improves.
Your daughter should be supporting you. Children are always disruptive when their adults are at cross purposes.

Is it really a different world now Luckylegs? I realise children have iPads and phones which my child’s generation didn’t until in their late teens but surely there have always been things it was difficult to get them away from, whether a tv programme, a comic or playing outside with friends. They all need boundaries and discipline, and it sounds as though your grandchild is getting very little. I agree with trisher, your daughter needs to support you (especially if she’s to continue getting free childcare from you), as does your husband. It’s interesting that when your husband tells her off she takes notice. As your daughter is a single parent and seems to have a pretty laissez faire attitude to discipline, has she grown up thinking women are a pushover? If your grand daughter wants to get her own food, is this because she has to do so at home on occasion? Perhaps you could get her to help you with preparing some meals, by way of an enjoyable and helpful thing to do together?

Of course the word is different! What kind of question is that?

It is all digital based- from online orders, to renewing paperwork, televisits to doctors, pay with other phone....

Sorry Luckylegs my kids are actually stricter sometimes with their children than I was with them. One thing they won't permit is disrespect. So when the GCs sometimes go a little too far or my DS thinks they are taking advantage of my generosity he will step in and stop them.

trisher my DS is far stricter with his DC than I was with him; however, SIL had extremely strict parents and he is hopeless with discipline.

Luckylegs, sorry it is all such a struggle for you.
what are the kind of thing that you are trying to get her to do, what are the points of conflict ?

Luckylegs

Some of you have no idea. It’s a different world to the one we brought our kids up in! We have a very stroppy belligerent GD, 11 now. She has been very independent almost from birth, first words were ‘I do it myself’! She and I clash constantly. We have looked after her a lot before school and after and it’s murder. My D says pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff etc etc but I can’t leave it. I have to try and discipline her and get her to do things. My H just praises her, very rarely tells her off but when he does, she knows he means it.

She’s now worse than ever, you can’t punish her, she would probably hit you back, she’s stronger than any of us so you couldn’t take her iPad off her! She’d get her own food and anything else she wants. I tell her mum (single parent) and she just tells me I was wrong! It’s driven me mad, caused me sleepless nights and worry.

And yet - she’s the most loving child, very generous, is no trouble at school or to take anywhere. Im just praying that she’ll change when she’s older and get rid of the attitude and stroppiness and become the lovely girl she can be.

Ive a feeling I'm going to regret posting this as you’ll probably all be appalled but you’ve got to live with this to realise how awful it can be.

I think most of us do have an idea.

you can’t punish her, she would probably hit you back, she’s stronger than any of us so you couldn’t take her iPad off her!
I assume from that your idea of discipline is physical punishment so her learned behaviour is now to hit you back at age 11.
Perhaps trying a different, more positive, approach might achieve better results?

I'm not criticising, just wondering if that would help. Having brought up an extremely determined DD and my other fairly stroppy teenagers then I do understand but I think positivity achieves better results than negativity.

And yet - she’s the most loving child, very generous, is no trouble at school or to take anywhere
Somewhere in there is a lovely girl but she possibly feels safe enough to be contrary with you.
My D says pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff etc etc but I can’t leave it
I agree with your DD - ignore the small stuff, if she gets no reaction she might decide it's not worth bothering being stroppy.

etheltbags1, I'd be more worried about a child that automatically did as they were told. They need to think for themselves, after all.

You really wouldn't want them to grow up doing as they're told by others - would you?

Hithere, please read what I said. I rather doubt the child is doing any of the things you mention.