Grandchild behaviour

I think turning off the WiFi is the best course if action. Just don’t let her see you do it or she’ll just try and turn it on again.

Why did you need to do her hair? We’re you going out or just staying in? My daughter hates having her hair done, I can quickly run a brush through most days but she hates more than that. If we aren’t going anywhere then I don’t bother to. Sometimes it’s better to pick your battles.

If she has a school report I guess she is over 5 but under 8 or 9 if she can't do her own hair.
If she has rules on devices at home then they should extend to your house as well.
Maybe discuss with parents what rules they have, explain you are following parents guidelines and if she won't then take them away until she can have her time on devices. But you need to be consistent and have alternative activities for her.

Under 5 they might moan and fuss and tantrum for a bit but again be consistent and have alternative activities.
All ages maybe go out for a bit even in rain.

Doing her hair isn't that important is it? Certainly not worth falling out over.

So long as children learn to be kind and loving, schools seem to manage the discipline bit
Yes, exactly.
Leave it to the schools, they can sort it out.
It is a great pity parents can't see their children when they refuse to do as they are told. No tantrums or tears, (I'm talking about the adults), no particular concern and very little negotiation, simply an expectation of being obeyed when necessary, and immediate sanctions if instructions are wilfully disobeyed.
Easier because although we may like them, we don't love them, and we also don't have the time to negotiate with thirty-two little individuals.
Gransnet is aimed at people of fifty plus; it is not a requirement to be a grandparent or parent. We all have experience of the behaviour of other people's offspring and are entitled to comment.

Her parents probably let her bring the device with her thinking that it will keep her quiet while she's with you. I would take it off her, give it back to her parents and say you don't want her to bring it again. GD will probably have a meltdown and sulk. Let her. When she argues and is rude tell her very firmly that she can stop that behaviour right now. While she's in your home she will behave properly and politely, or she won't be welcome. Don't get into an argument or discussion about it, just make it clear what you expect in terms of her behaviour in your home and stick to it. Remember you're the adult, not her.

Does she behave like that towards her parents? Perhaps they consider it a 'phase' she's going through and tolerate it for a peaceful life. You don't have to. She may be bright but she's becoming a precocious, manipulative and unlikeable child. Just imagine what she'll be like as a teenager if she's allowed to get away with this behaviour now.

Confiscate the device and tell her she can have it back for half an hour after she has complied with what you are asking her to do

We had our 2 grandchildren for a week aged 10 and 6. First morning I told them to get dressed twice and they ignored me. So I grabbed the eldest's PJ top and said brightly 'Its OK I'll dress you' She jumped off the bed grabbed her clothes and ran in the bathroom to dress in 5 minutes flat. Meanwhile the youngest dressed faster than I've ever seen him before. We had no further problems with them the whole week. Probably not PC but I find choices are not always good for young children.
In your situation I would just get the brush and carry on doing her hair where she was.

Clear rules, backed up with appropriate actions if broken are probably needed. It's easier said than done and sometimes needs a lot of energy to carry through!
Why not tell her before she comes next time, that she will not be allowed her device all day ( this will be easier if it's in line with what her parents do). Maybe say she can go on her device till 11am and then you're going to do something different. Give her a timer or a 5 minute warning, so that she shouldn't get cut off half way through a game. Getting outside or playing a board game would be good options. Give her a limited choice of things perhaps.
She may be old enough to have a discussion/ do online research together about the advantages and disadvantages of TV/computer/phone use. If you can get her to agree that unlimited screen time is bad for her, that will be even better.
If not having her over for a while is not an option ( I assume parents are at work and need you to help), would the parents agree to sending her without the device next time if she won't budge on this, so that she knows you mean business and she cannot just ignore what her granny asks her to do?
Good luck - you are not the only parent/grandparent with this problem!

Germanshepherdsmum

Blondiescot some people on here don’t have children, let alone grandchildren. It isn’t a prerequisite for joining you know. And think twice before posting something like that - not having children or grandchildren isn’t necessarily a matter of choice.

Well pardon my ignorance! I genuinely thought gransnet was a forum for grandparents.

It's standard behaviour nowadays when kids are using electronics. With you considering her behaviour to be disrespectful when you ask her to stop you have to inform her parents about her behaviour. Otherwise you have to accept and live with it. Your is not alone.

I would not tolerate this conduct. The trouble with children today is parents give in to them and they have no boundaries.

People saying children will only do what they want to. How do you think teachers keep control?
As has been repeated by lots of people don't threaten something you can't or won't carry out. Give her a reason for what you are asking and don't listen to her counterargument.
If she won't come off her tablet tell her you are going to switch it off and do so. It might take a lot of repetition but she should eventually learn that what you say is what you mean.
Ask her parents what they do in the same circumstances when she is not there and what they will allow. In that way, you are not telling tales or complaining about their strategies.
Make it clear to them that if you are in control alone she will have to listen to you. The onus is then on them to make her understand she has to respect you and what you saywhen you are in charge.

How old is she.?....

She’s nine.

Ok so for a 9 year old strategies might be:

1. Ignore the hair apart from making a hairbrush available and saying: "here's a hairbrush, in case you want to brush your hair"" No further comment, leave the brush available

2. if you ask her to do something (make sure it is worth asking for, is hair worth it??) say:
- "** needs doing because **. When you have finished that game, please do it"
- If she ignores that when the game finishes say "** needs doing because***. I asked you to do that when you had finished your game. You ignored my perfectly reasonable request. Please do it when you finish this next game. If you ignore me again, I will remove your device until it is done"
- if she ignores again, remove the device; refuse to join in discussion; just keep repeating "** needs doing because. Please do it! When you have done it you can play on your device again!" Repeat, repeat, repeat. Do not engage in discussion, justification, responses to "clever arguments!

- if she rolls her eyes, mimics you etc say "That is rude and very hurtful. I will NOT put up with that rudeness and unkindness." Then walk away. When she asks you for something/needs something say "I told you I will not put up with that rudeness and unkindness. I feel very hurt." Walk away!

Alternatively say" That is very rude and hurtful. I will not out up with that. I am removing your device until you show me you can behave properly!" And do it. Then repeat, repeat, repeat, do not engage in argument!

You could quietly get yourself some lunch, not get her any then when she asks why say "You were very rude and hurtful to me. I got myself some lunch to cheer myself up a bit! I didn't ask if you wanted any as I didn't want to be treated so unfairly again!"

The point with all this is her getting consequences for her rudeness. She is treating you like a doormat and needs to see that you are not one. Also, don't threaten her with "Mum and Dad". You have to deal with this in order to develop her understanding of her relationship with YOU.

Good luck

I dont think anyone has mentioned how addictive computer games are and how hard it is to stop playing them. My grandson loves to go on my ipad and play games etc. I sometimes say its not charged or put it out of sight.
Also my granddaughter hated anyone doing her hair which was frequently uncombed/unbrushed

Give her warning. Say "In 5 minutes I want you to switch it off to..." It's reasonable to give warning rather than to expect instant cooperation.

When I was a new grandparent and looking after one or two of my grandchildren I created games and activities and made sure the days were fun and happy for all. The second lot came along and I started driving them to play activities and paying to ensure a bit of peace. The third lot I just let them play on their phones or Xbox all day and place a sandwich next to them at intervals.
My advice would be to back off and just get through the summer. As the grandchild grows the relationship will change anyway. Your job is to just keep the child safe until you hand her back. My lot range in age from 28 down to 9. I expect the 9 year old might roll his eyes if I placed a demand on him like a conversation or anything beyond his phone really.

My nephew is the most lovely young man. He is 23 now. He was lovely until he was about 4 and then went through a phase and was frankly vile until he was about 9 or 10. Someone taught me all about positive reinforcement and so the smallest good behaviour was praised and the not so good overlooked (where appropriate). I also used to call him “my lovely boy” and still do to this day. I cannot tell you what a difference it made. He basked in the positive attention. His parents were calm, consistent and loved him no matter what. I would like to think that all of us together influenced the smashing young man he has become. It might not work for every child but it definitely did for him. Good luck with your Granddaughter

This isn’t assertiveness. It’s disrespectful and rude. Imagine if she behaves like this in future : at interviews, at work, dealing with colleagues or customers. Define the situation for her, let her know the standard of behaviour you expect from her AND what she can expect if you’re not happy with how she treats you and others. Once she understands , then you can both start enjoying each other and having more fun. Good luck! X

while i understand the theory behind it, i don't think many parents/GPs would dare not present food to a child, esp when eating themselves.
they would be worried about being accused of neglect.
many children have childline on speed-dial, and threaten to report their carers for the slightest thing.
it may sound ridiculous, but it can be a real worry.

Germanshepherdsmum

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

I bet he was perfect at home!
The converse is often true, though.
I've noticed that it's often the case that children who are perfect at home are absolute insolent little horrors when at someone else's house.

I was happy if other people said my children were well behaved.

However, etheltbags you have to remember who is the adult and not let your DGD take charge. It can be done without getting cross.

She is almost always on a device and I get told to wait a bit till she's finished

It's addictive and can cause so many problems now.