Grandchild behaviour

OP. Neither I, nor anyone else I suspect, is an expert but if it was my granddaughter I wouldn’t bother if her hair needed brushing or not, I would make a plan for each day she comes over I would say, ok GD at 11 we are off out so make the most of your phone/tablet until then. If you can’t get out with her, just let her be, she is on holiday and it’s just 1 day a week, she won’t come to any harm having a day of TV or Tablet. Good luck❤️

If someone threatened to take my device away or switched off the internet, I’d be most unhappy! Today’s children are digital natives - it’s the 21st century! They’ve grown up with electronic devices. Why do some adults continue to think that such devices are ‘a bad influence’? Would you feel similarly aggrieved if your GD constantly had her nose in a book - or would that be deemed ‘more acceptable’. We, the older generation, need to stop viewing the world of a 9 year old through the eyes of a 69 year old. Stop with the rules and regulations!

What does she have to play with at your house ethel?

We have a 9 year old who spends all her time doing gym moves and acrobatics, baking with me and playing happily on her own when she's here, but also a DGS who likes to spend time on Minecraft.
Other DGC will do both.

Teacheranne I really agree with you and I did this with my own 3 DD but when you are looking are your GC it is a different matter. One daughter’s children are brought up to respect you but another daughter’s children have been brought up to be assertive, to question my actions and speech. I don’t argue with the way she educates them but I find it is very so, so tiring. Also anything to keep the peace as I do wish to continue seeing them and just hope in twenty years time they will have grown into lovely people as Mamma66 hers did.

Just got in. So she is 9. I can understand better now. There are a lot of people responding who don't seem to realise that devices have overtaken books, TV etc in what children do in their spare time. DGS1 is 7 so slightly younger and not a girl. He would be on devices all day if he was allowed. He is not. What works are timers - on the device, Alexa or an actual timer for cooking. He has worked out how to switch off the timer on his device though - children now know more than grandparents about things like this. However when the timer rings he might grumble but abides by the rules. We then carry on with the next activity - not hair or teeth etc as that is a fundamental expectation of getting up and dressed. He is too young to roll eyes but I expect that will come. 9 in a girl now is pre-pubescent so you may experience more hormonal changes. DGD is 4 - her "screen" is TV with Peter Rabbit and Doc McMuffins? the favourites. She will have a big fuss and sometimes tantrum when it stops but soon stops when we are all ready to go out and 'leave her' and she is not ready. Both of them are very very articulate and will argue the hind leg off a donkey already and get it right! so what they will be like at 9???? However going out to the park they enjoy - football is DGS1 passion just now and DGD copies her brother in everything. I find going out with all the grands is more relaxing than anything - even in the rain and even in the snow (Scotland).

I have three of my grandchildren living with us, so these problems are a daily occurrence for me.
The oldest is practically joined to her phone, she can’t be anywhere without checking it, she can’t even watch television without it. But she’s not ever rude, and
If we’re out and about she tends to forget about it.
The middle one is the biggest problem, a gorgeous happy little boy can fly into a rage if anyone tries to separate him from his iPad, my daughter regularly takes it away for a week, but when he’s at his dads, he just uses it for 24 hours, they never leave the house.
I accept that things have moved on a lot, my children would have been outside playing all the summer holidays, but the YouTube rubbish he watches is awful,
The only hair brushing issues are with the toddler, and as long as it’s out of her face I don’t stress too much.

There are a lot of people responding who don't seem to realise that devices have overtaken books, TV etc in what children do in their spare time

I think people DO realise that That! That fact does not mean that the rudeness and inappropriate behaviour should not be challenged appropriately!

We can't override the parent's way of doing things. I know this as we had our grandson 3 nights and who is not into books anymore (he's only 4) and the ipad has taken over. It's so impersonal. Nothing beats a snuggle up with a book. I also saw on BBC this week that too much ipad is causing eyesight problems in kids. No matter what we did to encourage reading a book he was adamant he didn't want to read a book together. There are other issues going on all we can do is show him our way when he comes here but his mother has her way of doing things.

Callistemon, like you I was always pleased with the compliments about my son’s behaviour, at his grandparents’, at friends’ houses and at school. Some of his school friends were real little horrors though! I agree that devices are addictive and whilst children need to know how to engage with technology there has to be a balance. I get the impression that this girl gets lots of praise for being bright and getting good school reports, and that’s absolutely right, but that that may have gone to her head and things have got to the stage where she is, as you say, acting as the adult in this scenario. The longer she’s allowed to do this with no consequences such as the WiFi being turned off or treats being withheld, the more she will gain the upper hand, which will do her no favours in life. My son was very bright, did well at school and uni and was of course much praised, and he is now a partner in a top international law firm, but he has always been respectful of others and thus has many friends - I didn’t have to instil respect in him but I think this is needed with OP’s grandchild or she will really suffer in life. If she behaves like this with friends they won’t stay friends for long. More one to one games and activities and less screen time may be a good start towards building a more balanced and respectful relationship.

This sounds like the sort of problem a mum would have, and most of the replies seem to accommodate that. I absolutely love my grandchildren, but am not so involved with them that I’d ever need to get to the point of disciplining them. When they have been left with me, they just behave. I wouldn’t have them if they didn’t.

Yes toad, this is why I asked on the first page, how it had come to this. How much involvement there is. I didn’t get a response.

Doesn’t matter how much you love her, she needs to learn some respect and that you mean what you say. Simple way to get her off her device - if she doesn’t respond at the first request, turn off WiFi and leave it off until she gets the message.

A child doesnt learn respect that way - it is not my way or the highway

If gd is using the device every other way of the week, she won't like it that she cannot do it at grandma and may complain she doesn't want to go there anymore.

My mum regularly took the plug off the black and white TV the 1980s version of switching off the WiFi. Of course you lose it as well.
I would tell her how rude her behaviour is and speak to her parents not just threaten that.

The most effective grandparenting punishment from my grandma was when she put her coat on and walked to the bus stop leaving us 10, 9 and 6 in the house. We were soon begging her to come back.

Limit time on the device. Provide alternative entertainment which is fun and involves you. It isn't true that the electronic devices are the main source of enjoyment, they are just easier for adults because they occupy children. Children still love board and card games, particularly as they learn skills and can beat an adult.
She's old enough to do her own hair, so excuse yourself from that job. If it stays unbrushed for one day it isn't important.
Try letting her plan things sometimes. Offer her alternatives sometimes. Only insist she does something when it is important and explain this to her. If she argues and picks holes point out she may be right but because you are the adult things will be done your way.
Praise little things she does properly.
Give her a hug and tell her you love her.

Good post trisher
It's using your common sense, isn't it.
Especially offering interesting alternatives.

None of my grandkids at 9 would have let me do their hair so that’s one job not needed !!!
If she wants to be on her device whilst you’re busy or cooking or whatever it wouldn’t bother me unless her mum or dad has given you direct instructions (ie she’s only allowed half an hour on her phone etc)
At 9 and highly intelligent she’s feeling your equal now and let’s face it she is, because she’s got you in a corner ?
Personally as it’s only one day a week I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff I d let her get on with entertaining herself When I was 9 I would probably have had my head in an Enid Blyton book all day, is it so very different? Maybe she’s learning a lot from her phone, iPad or whatever it is she’s using Even games teach kids a lot
Be led by what the parents tell you they want to happen for that day if they say half an hour only on her devise, make sure she does her homework, or has an hour in the fresh air stick to that, if not let her entertain herself in her own way
Phones are the books of yesteryear why does everyone fear them and think kids should only use them for an hour or whatever you wouldn’t say that to a bookworm would you ?

germanshepherdsmum that’s an awful post

but that that may have gone to her head and things have got to the stage where she is, as you say, acting as the adult in this scenario.
That is not quite what I said Germanshepherdsmum


My 9 year old DGD has just had a phone but what she can do is very restricted. She has found it's brilliant for taking photos so spends time doing that (far better photos than mine).

I doubt she'd let me near her hair now either and I wouldn't have a clue how to do a French, Dutch or any kind of elaborate plait but she does.

Can you encourage her to take photos on her device, etheltbags? Not of you unawares, though!

If you can’t beat em join em. Get her to show you how to make a Tim Tom video.

Tim Tom? Tik Tok.

No, Callistemon, you didn’t. I was agreeing with you that children can be well behaved at home and the opposite when out, and about the apparent adult/child reversal here. My impression that the praise for her brightness and her good school reports may have gone to her head is entirely my own.

You could meet her halfway and put YouTube on and watch 5 minute crafts. It’s brilliant ?. Educational and fun.

Bring back Mr Maker!

Did Ethelbags. Return at all ?

The issue here is not that the child is using a device but that she will not do what the grandmother says; she is told to' wait until I have finished', which is a rude way to speak to any adult.

Simple disobedience, but the excuses made on here explain why so many children are so badly behaved.