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Sleeping alone

(133 Posts)
Jennyluck Tue 18-Jan-22 20:44:47

I’ve just discovered the joy of sleeping alone.
Dh has dementia, and has started going to the toilet during the night, a lot. Which unfortunately wakes me up, there’s also snoring, coughing, sniffing. I find once I’m awake, I can’t get back to sleep.
I can’t have my own bedroom because we have a full house, with 2 ac and a grand child.
So I had a brain wave of buying a sofa bed. I bought a really good one.
Oh the joy of a peaceful nights sleep.
Anyone else gone down this road. ??

NotSean Wed 19-Jan-22 10:37:42

I'm with @sashabel on this one. Since splitting with my ex when I share a bed for the night, there's a good part and a less good part. Don't know how'd I'd permanently share again.

DC64 Wed 19-Jan-22 10:46:30

Every so often I sleep in the spare bedroom - I can have the window open and have my meditation app on - my other half is nesh, snores for England and puts the light on when he comes to bed even though he knows it wakes me up - not the most considerate soul. So I love sleeping in the spare bedroom!

BlueSky Wed 19-Jan-22 10:48:05

GrammarGrandma flowers

grannybuy Wed 19-Jan-22 10:50:02

When we moved to a smaller house five years ago, I had two of the single beds which we had, put into our new bedroom. My DH had Parkinson’s, and was at the stage of having psychotic episodes, and he also needed help to go to the bathroom so I felt that I couldn’t leave him on his own. I was much happier in my single bed, as he had violent dreams which were played out physically, so I was safer in a separate bed, sadly.

hazel93 Wed 19-Jan-22 10:50:39

We have had separate rooms for years now. Certainly does not mean we don't love each other it is simply practical !
I can read before I doze off, he can snore as much as he likes without a sharp elbow in the ribs. We both wake refreshed and in a (usually ) good mood.
We are building our final home at the moment and our builder initially found us really odd when we specified his and hers bedrooms. Made me laugh when he apparently told his wife our plans and her response was "Bloody good idea " !

pen50 Wed 19-Jan-22 10:50:44

I slept separately from husband no 1. Heart problems and then vascular dementia made him impossible to share a bed with. Husband no 2 snores a bit but is otherwise a much better bedmate. Though he has a bad shoulder at the moment which has meant we have to switch sides: not so good for either of us.

Willow500 Wed 19-Jan-22 10:53:05

We've had separate rooms for years - firstly as he used to snore horrendously but was then diagnosed with sleep apnoea so given a C-Pap machine. The snoring stopped but all the air escaping and the noise of the machine plus the pipe getting tangled up it just made sense to carry on that way. Just me and my cat in my room now and we love it grin

polnan Wed 19-Jan-22 10:55:21

when I was young (er?) I would have hated sleeping separately,

then I got toilet trips in the night, so started sleeping in the spare room, then dh died couple of years back, and I immediately moved back into the large bed, Queen or King size.. don`t know.. I was surprised that I could not longer , well didn`t want to, sleep in the smaller, (4foot) bed,, mind you cat, who has the run of the house, sleeps alongside me sometimes.. so I am o.k. with sleeping alone now..
on the other hand, being alone, a completely different concept.

TillyWhiz Wed 19-Jan-22 10:58:08

When my husband was alive if one thought they would disturb the other with restlessness/snoring etc then that one would move into the spare bed. We bought single adjustable beds which bolt together and found they were a good compromise too.

Secretsquirrel1 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:00:39

It happened sort of gradually for us. My husband snores like a express train. Honestly it’s soo loud that you can hear it from the sitting room below!
He was offered an operation and a CPap machine for sleep apnea but isn’t willing to do either.
I suffer with bad migraine and so I began slipping into the spare bed at night once he started snoring or woke me up with the noise. Gradually I just started going to bed in the spare room.
I definitely sleep better as I was barely sleeping at all before that. His snoring is a touchy subject though and he occasionally makes slightly catty comments about me being in the other room. I’d honestly defy anyone to sleep though that level of sound though.

Netty21 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:00:54

thanks

Tennisnan Wed 19-Jan-22 11:04:23

Yes I initiated separate beds in separate rooms about 8 years ago and absolutely love it. He has only recently admitted he sleeps better too. He would not though, openly admit it to friends and is slightly embarrassed almost about it. He’s a snoring lark and I’m a light sleeping owl so it was inevitable really. I notice lots of posters here give a reason of ‘for health’ as if it’s not enough to just admit they prefer it. Good sleep is so important. DIL was shocked when she found out but she has strong opinions on lots of things about us which I’ve learned to ignore.

sazz1 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:04:25

I often wish we had separate bedrooms as I go to bed really late and like to read. OH goes to bed early so I'm fumbling around in the dark getting undressed and trying not to wake him. It's great when he goes away for a few days now and again as I have the light on and can sit up to read, hang up clothes and not have to creep around in the dark.

Secretsquirrel1 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:06:07

I’m really sorry. That must have been so hard for you. X

Clevedon Wed 19-Jan-22 11:08:13

I do. We decided years ago to try it as I am a light sleeper and hubby snores. We love it, both get quality sleep now x

madeleine45 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:08:21

my lovely husband and I used to share a double bed, and on the odd occasions when there had been arguments or whatever that were not resolved , getting into bed meant that you could just put a hand out and no words needed and let us return to our joint happiness. Then we both had serious illness and I had cancer treatment etc and it was very difficult to get a decent nights sleep for whatever reason. So my husband used to go and sleep in the spare bedroom, which solved the physical things but I really missed him being beside me. So we ended up where we got into the double bed, for at least a few minutes cuddling or talking and then he would go off to the other bed. We were a very tactile couple and I would have missed the contact so much. He died 5 years ago and I still miss his touch very much. In the early days I sometimes would tell myself that he was sleeping in the other room. Sounds a bit crazy but it sometimes worked and allowed me to sleep eventually. The other more practical thing is the hardness or softness of the bed. If you have different choices the two bed thing lets you both get the best sleep you can have. When you see these house programmes they are always going on about bathrooms and kitchens etc and a far better selling point to me would be two reasonable size bedrooms with preferably en suite shower type bathrooms. Bliss, no problems about needing the loo at the same time, how you leave the toothpaste or whatever. Yes if I had won the lottery in those days it would have been a house with super bedrooms, very well insulated and the best kind of toilets and bathrooms without stupid awkward ridges and bends that make it difficult to clean them. Well finally , I stayed at my home until the middle of last year and had to move due to health reasons and now live in a small ground floor flat. But I did buy one big item, when I moved. A brand new 3/4 or small double bed, which takes up less room in the bedroom but gives me a lot more space than a single bed to sprawl. I was able to choose exactly what I liked , not having to consider anyone else and it is still a great pleasure to have it. When I am unwell or worrying about the fuel costs, I can snuggle up in bed, with my good lights to read by and spread things around as I choose . I quite enjoy reading the Yorkshire Post in bed, because there are some pages or articles that I save, on the bedside table but just chuck pages read , that I am not saving ,on the floor . It isnt causing any hassle for anyone else and I quite like making a bit of a mess. Once I get up all that paper goes into the recycling . Ta Da!!

Onthemoors Wed 19-Jan-22 11:08:25

Hubby obviously has sleep apnoea, but will do nothing about it so I was forced to plump for the spare room in order to have some sleep. Yes, I too miss the company but having the room to move around, to be able to read as long as I want to, and to not hear anymore loud snorting which would make anyone jump out of their skin, is a delight. Never again will I share my bed with anyone. In America, I read that most houses for sale have separate bedrooms for couples with their own en-suites.

Pebbles101 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:11:47

Me too and still sleep - tho not well anywhere -on the same side!

Jess20 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:12:42

We have a separate ' snoring room' for the times it becomes difficult to sleep in the same place. Better to be properly rested, I think.

Crystal46 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:14:49

I moved into the spare room quite shortly after our wedding because of my husband’s RLS and PLM, which at least didn’t wake HIM up throughout his working life. (It does now unfortunately, without sleeping pills.). So sleeping separately has been the norm for us for most of our marriage. He didn’t like it to start with but gradually got used to it, not least as sex and affection have continued and we have a good day-to-day relationship.

Hiraeth Wed 19-Jan-22 11:16:42

When my husband was alive I couldn’t have imagined sleeping alone although he snored. Now I sleep alone as my husband passed away 7 years ago . So grateful we didn’t have separate bedrooms when he was alive.

Fronkydonky Wed 19-Jan-22 11:21:41

My husband and I have slept in separate bedrooms for 17 years. He has a ground floor bedroom I sleep upstairs. He has chronic back problems and apparently I snore. Suits us both. If we go on holiday and have to share a bed in a hotel then we find it a bit peculiar.

Dearknees1 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:25:24

We seem to be unusual in sharing a bed - king size now. I guess we’re lucky not to have the health problems which cause people to sleep separately. As for snoring- I have good earplugs for use when necessary. It’s good to have someone to reach out to in the night when bad things seem worse.

CazB Wed 19-Jan-22 11:26:26

We've had separate rooms for many years now, starting from when my youngest son was little (he's now 35). I was up and down to him a lot as he was a poor sleeper. I miss the cuddles sometimes, but it's bliss to be able to read in bed as long as I want. We both snore and he is up and down to the loo a lot, so this suits both of us. We do share a double bed on holiday, but it's a relief to get back to our own beds.

Lewie Wed 19-Jan-22 11:31:01

We’ve had our own bedrooms for years. We both sleep much better that way.