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Do you remind your adult children about sending cards ?

(85 Posts)
GibraltarRock42 Fri 12-May-23 01:32:04

This is a constant bug bear of mine….. my 80 year old mother telling me I’ve upset ‘x’ by not sending a card… when I have but the mail has let me down. Why does she feel the need to tell me ? What do I say to her or do I just ignore her ?I’m in my 50’s btw - do a lot for her/with her and am very capable. One small failing (which is out of my control) and the need to tell is immediate !!!! Respond to her with a justification ? Or ignore ? Or have a rant? I am torn between all three ! Thank you

Redhead56 Fri 12-May-23 09:01:31

Yes I do it irritates me actually I mean we all had busy lives when we were young didn’t we? Our young adults seem to think they are unique with such busy lives as if we didn’t!

fancythat Fri 12-May-23 09:02:17

Does she know that you can get a bit/quite hurt by what she says?

fancythat Fri 12-May-23 09:02:55

To op?

Marthjolly1 Fri 12-May-23 09:04:19

I get great pleasure in sending cards for all occasions because I really love to receive them so hope it will brighten the receivers day a little. I do understand that it almost gone out of fashion now so I receive much less now. Never mind, everything changes over time. But I still like sending greetings and I always will.

aggie Fri 12-May-23 09:05:21

No , but my Adult child reminds me , I find it helpful

Fleurpepper Fri 12-May-23 09:07:13

Fleurpepper

Hetty 'and how utterly useless?'

how can it be useless if it makes someone happy?

Same as when we travel- I still send postcards to a few older people, and a friend in France- who I know love receiving them. Old fashioned? Who cares- as they enjoy it.

AGAA4 Fri 12-May-23 09:08:29

I would never remind my ACs to send cards. They are all adults and can send cards or not as they please.

I send cards to all my family and friends but things are changing and younger people don't seem to bother as much with cards preferring to send greetings via the internet.

Fleurpepper Fri 12-May-23 09:14:37

My ACs do send cards via MoonPig - great with photos of GCs and outings we shared etc. Although my last card from DD1 was a series of 8 photos, with a word on top of each photo 'Happy' then 'Birthday' etc. Got them along the dresser by my side as I write.

pascal30 Fri 12-May-23 09:17:16

She just wants to feel that she has some relevance in the family.
I'd just smile and agree with her.. itislovely to receive a card and know that someone has been thinking about you. I rarely get cards now or send them..

Elegran Fri 12-May-23 09:28:18

The answer to “I’m entitled to my opinion” is "So you are - and I'm entitled to mine now that I am all grown up" said with a smile. Add that you DO send cards but the mail doesn't always get them there on time, so the person who was "upset" by it not arriving for her birthday would be better complaining to them, not to you through mother, Ask mother whether X gets upset easily over everything? I bet she does!

I don't remind my children about anything at all. If they have reached their late fifties successfully, they are perfectly able to remember everything they should be doing - or want to do.

henetha Fri 12-May-23 09:37:44

I used to remind my children but stopped ages ago.
Cards mean a lot to some people so maybe we should consider what they want, not what we think.

PinkCosmos Fri 12-May-23 09:41:43

My MIL sets great store by how many birthday and Christmas cards she gets each year. She usually starts discussing both well in advance.

I usually remind my three adult sons about each others birthdays as I am sure they would forget otherwise. They text rather than sending cards.

crazyH Fri 12-May-23 09:46:21

I remind my daughter. My sons have their wives to remind them.

ParlorGames Fri 12-May-23 09:49:26

No, I don't remind our AC to send cards, that's their responsibility, they are ADULTS after all.

We have a calendar on the kitchen wall; when it is put up at the start of the year all the birthdays are written on - not rocket science and it ensure we always remember, what the AC choose to do is up to them.

If we think that a card will not arrive in time we do message the intended recipient to say that it is in the post, they get it eventually.

TillyTrotter Fri 12-May-23 09:56:00

I send cards but the younger generations won’t as I think the fashion to do so will die out.
It doesn’t help that first class post no longer means a card will arrive the day after posting.
I don’t remind my AC nor do I mind if I don’t get cards.

luluaugust Fri 12-May-23 10:16:34

I no longer actually remind any of them but maybe drop into the conversation that I had a walk to post so and so’s card this then leaves it up to them if they do anything. They are good at sending to DH and I but not so bothered with each other.

Bella23 Fri 12-May-23 10:30:20

The very close family I send cards to. DH always sends cards even though we live in the same house. DD's have told me not to bother with their wedding anniversaries and obviously forgot and I did get funny comments.
One DD is not as bothered about cards or presents as the other and I have to be very careful.
My mum always reminded me and liked ones with long verses and as sloppy as possible which I am not ,but I sent what she wanted.

Theexwife Fri 12-May-23 11:21:44

I would say that you send cards to those that you want to and do not need reminding.

It is the thought that counts and if parents are telling their adult children when to send cards or greetings then there is no thought from those that have been reminded.

I always receive a card from an aunt that includes the names of her adult children, in their 60s. They know nothing about this, I have not had contact with them for over 20 years. During my yearly call from my aunt, she always mentions that my cousins did not receive a card from me, I tell her that we do not have contact and that she is the only person I send a card to.

Callistemon21 Fri 12-May-23 11:24:25

Hetty58

Whitewavemark2, more than mildly irritating, infuriating, in fact - when you're constantly told to do things their way - the only right and proper way - and you know, for sure - that they're talking b****cks!

Why is their way b****cks merely because it is different to your way?

Some might think your way is thoughtless and uncaring.
Others may agree with you.

Callistemon21 Fri 12-May-23 11:26:22

GibraltarRock42

Thanks foe your responses - the thing I think I can’t tolerate is that I do send cards where I want to and I send messages and am very good at it - and have also decided, as an adult, who I’ll send them to - so to have her doing this is very irritating…….most things now I simply nod and wave and do the ‘mmm’ , ‘yes I know’. But this is that ‘thing’ that totally winds me up and I can’t reason with it !!!!

I do usually remind one DC who might well forget but I forgot to remind her of her Pa's birthday this year and she remembered.
iyswim 😀

Callistemon21 Fri 12-May-23 11:27:22

"Yes Mum" [sigh] or "Yes, you've told me that before" usually shuts me up 😁

Norah Fri 12-May-23 12:06:46

No, I don't remind our daughters, they're all adults.

BlueBelle Fri 12-May-23 13:53:57

Oh gosh NO I did when they were in their teens, a long time ago but not as adults, how degrading to have to have a mum tell you or remind you what to do
My mum ever did either ( thankfully)

BlueBelle Fri 12-May-23 13:54:21

Never did (oh for the edit button)

GibraltarRock42 Fri 12-May-23 15:32:53

Some interesting comments here….. I actually like sending cards still and usually remember friends and families birthdays. I quite like choosing a card and giving it - I also still send a xmas ca