Paying for adult children and family to visit

Are they in dire financial straits, Lucy? If so I would ask them to at least make some effort to contribute, and given that they are getting a completely free holiday, why can they not pay for their luggage? They don't live free of any costs at home, so some contribution could be made. If they are not in dire straits then I am amazed that you continue to do this. A serious talk is long overdue.

We pay for our daughters' air fare, food, accommodations - if with us. Our choice. Make the decision your and DH choice.

Buy them a couple of suitcases and pay for them to go in the hold.
That will pay for itself over time (if not on just one trip).

If they don't bring any clothes what happens to the ones purchased with you?
🤔

I actually had that “serious talk” and now their May vacation has been cancelled. Things are now tense with my husband and I. And yes they have a dual income and can afford it. Problem is his daughter is very self entitled and not shy about asking for money and things. I’m not sure though if it was worth making an issue of since it’s caused tensions within the family. I’m hoping down the road the tension will subside and he will understand my frustration.

This is what your husband wants to do... Which means this is a discussion between you and him if your finances are joint.

Maybe look through your finances together, figure out the balance of spending... Is it fair? If say, you spent 3,000 a year on things you enjoy and he spent 3,000 a year including flying his family over... Then that would be fair...

Maybe the best way forward would be that you pay the bills and then you divide what is left of both your incomes/pensions equally.. that way you both choose how to spend your share

If it was one person it wouldn’t be a problem. But it’s five. I’m not apposed to paying for food and entertainment. But I think airfare, clothing and toiletries should be their expense.

So sorry to read that Lucy but maybe they will cool down when they realise how good you and your husband have been to them!

It’s amazing how different people are. We were lucky that both sets of parents lived in nice, seaside resorts in this country but several hundred miles from each other. We wouldn’t have dreamed of asking for petrol money! We always took a box of groceries, some beers, maybe some flowers and we usually took them out for lunch one day to thank them for having us for a week’s holiday!

cheeky pluckers.
tell them to save them the bother of schlepping the family to yours, you and husband will come stay with them.
and you'll even pay your own air fare and bring clothes to wear.

Perhaps you ve just taken a big pleasure away from your husband , maybe he likes twice a year to do something nice for what seems to be his only daughter and grandchildren
However if it’s shared money it’s up to you whether you want to rock the boat well it sounds by your second post as if you ve taken it into your hands to tell the daughter ….wasn’t that your husband place to do it.
Whoooo i think you ve well overstepped the mark by talking to his daughter about it no wonder they ve cancelled the holiday and I d expect your husband to be furious with you

What makes you think Lucy spoke directly to her step daughter BlueBell? She said she's had "that serious talk* but didn't say with whom; I maybe wrongly, have assumed she spoke to her husband.

I don't see how $1000 goes very far to buy all this, for a family of five - not least with paying for five airfares. (Even if this is perhaps happening within the USA, or Australia, so it doesn't include international airfares.) Frankly I would expect it to cost more.......

Whoooo i think you ve well overstepped the mark by talking to his daughter about it no wonder they ve cancelled the holiday and I d expect your husband to be furious with you

I assumed the "conversion" was with Lucy's husband - I didn't see anything about talking to the daughter.

Do you have family too Lucy?

NotSpaghetti

Buy them a couple of suitcases and pay for them to go in the hold.
That will pay for itself over time (if not on just one trip).

If they don't bring any clothes what happens to the ones purchased with you?
🤔

We leave some clothes at DD's house but still seem to take a big suitcase full.

Why does it cost to put luggage in the hold? Is the cost not included in the ticket?

Crossed post Smileless2012 sorry.

Simply an example of great minds NotSpaghetti.

you always pay more for hold luggage.
it adds quite a bit to the airfare.

VioletSky

This is what your husband wants to do... Which means this is a discussion between you and him if your finances are joint.

Maybe look through your finances together, figure out the balance of spending... Is it fair? If say, you spent 3,000 a year on things you enjoy and he spent 3,000 a year including flying his family over... Then that would be fair...

Maybe the best way forward would be that you pay the bills and then you divide what is left of both your incomes/pensions equally.. that way you both choose how to spend your share

That sounds far too sensible 😂😂😂

It sounds as if these aren’t international journeys. I would expect to feed visitors (though perhaps they would take us out for a meal or two depending on length of stay) and provide basic toiletries but certainly not clothing. That’s very strange. Do they come to get new outfits twice a year? Or is this a wind up?

Lucy125

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. He has a 37 year old daughter who likes to visit twice a year. She brings her 3 children and spouse on these visits. The problem is my husband pays for their plane fare, entertainment, food, clothes and toiletries. They don’t bring clothing because they don’t want to pay for checked luggage. We are nearing retirement and this is a big expense for us as it gets well over $1000 for these visits. We ourselves don’t go on vacation and I resent having to pay for someone else’s. I’m feeling very frustrated and feel they are old enough to foot their own travel bill. Desperately looking for advice.

You've been her stepmother since she was 17 and step-grandmother to your DH's grandchildren. Don't you get on with them?

Are they well-off? If not perhaps your DH just longs to see them a couple of times a year and is happy to pay.
Does he feel guilty if, perhaps, he wasn't there for his daughter?

Why don't you go on holiday? Are your finances tight?

There is not enough information to give advice.

Just pay for the checked luggage.

Your husband and you need to decide on the budget to allocate for leisuree

If he wants to dedicate his personal budget to his daughter and family - his call

I agree $1000 is not much at all for a vacation for a family of 5

Hithere

Your husband and you need to decide on the budget to allocate for leisuree

If he wants to dedicate his personal budget to his daughter and family - his call

I agree $1000 is not much at all for a vacation for a family of 5

$1000 American = 808 GBP
1,000 Australian Dollars = 528.31867 GBP

Actually that's good!

Whose money is paying for it? - that's the question.

Callistemon

If it is the US, it depends whether it is a high or low cost of living, tourist area and season or not...