Paying for adult children and family to visit

Hithere

Callistemon

If it is the US, it depends whether it is a high or low cost of living, tourist area and season or not...

Actually, I should make it clear, I meant the GBP -v- A$ exchange rate!!

BlueBelle I did not speak to his daughter directly. I let him handle those things. He has two other children that pay their own way. This is his oldest daughter from another relationship.

I suppose this comes down to whether or not you have joint income or keep them separate and if it's the latter, if throughout your marriage there's always been an understanding that once joint expenses have been covered, you are both free to do whatever you like with what each of you has left.

If this has never been agreed then your H shouldn't be covering the cost of their trip to see you, without your agreement.

Germanshepherdsmum

It sounds as if these aren’t international journeys. I would expect to feed visitors (though perhaps they would take us out for a meal or two depending on length of stay) and provide basic toiletries but certainly not clothing. That’s very strange. Do they come to get new outfits twice a year? Or is this a wind up?

I vote wind up.

Sorry Lucy it sounded to me as if you’d spoken to her
I actually had that “serious talk” and now their May vacation has been cancelled. Things are now tense with my husband and I anyway you did the right thing to let him deal with it himself

It’s a tough one and as others have said it depends whose money it is he’s using? You haven’t said if you have a joint account or each have your own or if you both have equal amounts for your own activities and he chooses to spend his on his daughters trips
Awful shame if it means he won’t see them now
Oh dear …families eh

What do his other 2 children think about it? Has he money put by for them?

Lucy125

I actually had that “serious talk” and now their May vacation has been cancelled. Things are now tense with my husband and I. And yes they have a dual income and can afford it. Problem is his daughter is very self entitled and not shy about asking for money and things. I’m not sure though if it was worth making an issue of since it’s caused tensions within the family. I’m hoping down the road the tension will subside and he will understand my frustration.

Are they actually saying that they can't afford to come? When I first read your post, I had grave doubts. We've had this in my family = 5 people and tickets from Australia to London. Ours was solved with the parents travelling so just 2 tickets and borrowing kids clothes etc. Wouldn't your hubby consider that?
If you can't travel, isn't there some middle ground to cost share?

It appears they can pay there way so quite simply they should!! This is outrageous. I am sorry this situation has caused tension between you and your husband. Perhaps you could discuss with him just what you would be prepared to pay for. Adult children should not expect all this, they are grown ups !!! and should take responsibility for themselves. I know this sounds harsh but really........? Have they no pride?

Their way !!

We have a joint account so everything we spend come out of one account. I have children who pay their own travel expenses and he has two others that pay their own way as well. And yes the expenses are way over $1000. I just used that for reference. Our families are completely opposite. My family wouldn’t dream of being a financial burden when they visit. They typically will take us out for meals as a thank you for staying with us. He has a lot of other family members who visit frequently and pay for nothing but airfare. The self entitled attitudes is wearing me down. I wouldn’t dream of staying in someone’s home and having that expectation.

They are taking the piss literally and your DH has fell for it hook line and sinker.
Paying their fare accomodating them fine if that's what he wants to do. But clothing them really tell them to buy suitcases bank of mum and dad are now on limited income.

As you say you are nearing retirement, this is a good time to have a serious talk about your finances with your husband. Hopefully you can decide a budget you're both happy with.

VioletSky gave good advice and an example of how this could work.

welbeck

you always pay more for hold luggage.
it adds quite a bit to the airfare.

really? I have always had a reasonable luggage allowance, circa 23Kg whenever I have bought a scheduled flight ticket.

Please rush me details of the country where a mere $1,000 can cover return air fares for 2 adults and 3 children, plus holiday funding which covers luggage, food, clothing and entertainment. I need to move there.. or did you miss a zero out?

So out of your joint account his children get all expenses paid including clothes and toiletries. And your children don't.
I wouldn't accept that.

NanaDana I’m sorry I should’ve never said $1000 and you’re right it’s much more than that. We’re in the USA. I just meant it’s not a few hundred dollars to just fly his daughter out. It’s a lot of people to pay for. She was trying to come every 3 months since we foot the bill but we put a stop to that. They stay for a week and a half and my husband even feels it’s too long.

Nataterturbi-my children would never expect us to pay for their trips. They’re in their 30’s and we’re raised to pay for their vacations or if they don’t have the money they wait until the can afford it. In this case with his daughter I feel taken advantage of for our generosity and it appears there’s no limit to the expectation for more and more.

HousePlantQueen

welbeck

you always pay more for hold luggage.
it adds quite a bit to the airfare.

really? I have always had a reasonable luggage allowance, circa 23Kg whenever I have bought a scheduled flight ticket.

23kg is allowed with most airlines
We had 30 kg each last time (Economy)

Perhaps this is the USA and it's in addition to the flight.

I agree that the daughter and family are taking advantage of her father's good will. I can't imagine showing up in the clothes I am wearing and expecting someone to take care of me!

It is a good thing you had this talk with your DH, for your sake, and the sake of the rest of the family as well, as you are spending an unfair amount on that one family compared to the rest. I would start visiting them at their location. If they can't host you, then rent an accomodation nearby.

i thought workers in usa get v little annual leave.
how come they can visit so often ?

I have 4 weeks
My husband has unlimited vacation

welbeck

cheeky pluckers.
tell them to save them the bother of schlepping the family to yours, you and husband will come stay with them.
and you'll even pay your own air fare and bring clothes to wear.

I was going to say that Lucy125 and husband go to theirs and have the daughter & family pay for everything for them for a change!!
Of course, they'll need to be bought some sort of luggage to transport their new attire home.

Like VioletSky said, pay all the bills then split everything down the middle. Then husband can use his money as he likes and pay for his daughter & family out of just his half, if he can afford it without monetary help from you!!
You are then free to help your children if you wish to, or just pamper them a little bit, and decide what you want to do with your half.
Also, have you made a will? If not, get onto it or I expect your children having to fight their stepsister for their own mum's money and personal items!!!

My OH and I have separate accounts. I pay my share of household expenses into his account. After that we do what we like with our own money. Apart from family presents which we share. If he spends more on his family it comes out of his account. Why should you share the cost of his family visiting. And why on earth buy clothes? They are taking the ...

Is this a wind up?