Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

child taken abroad bu son's x partner

(58 Posts)
whogoesthere Mon 21-Aug-23 22:00:39

Any advice welcome, my son's x has taken my grandson abroad without notfying him, we only found out from `grandson that he wasgoing on holiday when we last saw him.My son wants to report her for child abduction-is this the right thing to do?He has a FaceTime call with the child every week but last weekend it did not happen and also i wanted to send some things for the child and she replied to my message saying she was away for the next 2 weeks but again not informing the childs father.

crazyH Mon 21-Aug-23 22:06:04

Oh dear whogoesthere - my heart is aching for your son and yourself. I have no advice. I’m sure someone with knowledge or experience of these situations will come along with some practical advice. Thinking of youflowers

VioletSky Mon 21-Aug-23 22:07:17

They have gone on holiday and will be back in 2 weeks

Reporting would be quite extreme

Unless your son does not get the visitation rewarded by the courts on too many instances over a period of time, I would genuinely stay away

If your son wants more visitation this should definitely go back to court

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 21-Aug-23 22:07:47

If they are only away for two weeks on holiday isn’t talking about abduction (of her own child!) a slight overreaction?

Foxygloves Mon 21-Aug-23 22:09:54

How did your son's ex happen to have your grandson's passport?
Sorry to state the obvious AFTER the event but in the event of divorce it is important for a child's passport to be held securely eg by a solicitor if there is any threat of abduction. I hope there are others here who can advise on what can be done now

Hithere Mon 21-Aug-23 22:11:44

Child abduction is an huge overreaction assuming the child is with the mother and she still has rights to the child and it is on her custody time?

What does the court order say?
Does your son has to be notified?

Your son should calm down and talk to a lawyer

The relationship with the mother seems to be high conflict enough, no need to escalate it unnecessarily

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 21-Aug-23 22:13:35

They may not have been married. There may be no court order.

Hithere Mon 21-Aug-23 22:14:52

If there is no court order - no legal obligation to inform

Callistemon21 Mon 21-Aug-23 22:17:03

my grandson

Presumably your ex-DIL's son?

Perhaps she didn't mention the fortnight's holiday because she knew there' be an over-reaction like this.
Or has she returned to her home country with her son?

Foxygloves Mon 21-Aug-23 22:29:23

I may have misunderstood the situation.
Does one parent (your son or ex DIL) have custody of your grandson?
If the latter, is there any reason she can’t take him away for a 2 week holiday?

Callistemon21 Mon 21-Aug-23 22:32:03


I may have misunderstood the situation.
Does one parent (your son or ex DIL) have custody of your grandson?
If the latter, is there any reason she can’t take him away for a 2 week holiday?

He has a FaceTime call with the child every week but last weekend it did not happen

Sounds as if the mother has full custody.

FaceTime calls are available between different countries.

Dee1012 Mon 21-Aug-23 22:35:44

Does your son share parental responsibility for the child?
Does he believe this is 'abduction' rather than a holiday?

If the relationship is strained now going down the route of reporting her for a holiday is likely to make things far worse... just my thoughts.

VioletSky Mon 21-Aug-23 22:45:12

She should have followed through with the FaceTime call or at least rearranged it really

But I don't think reporting her is the right course. If she has full custody, it may even damage any attempt to get more visitation in future because it may look controlling

Glorianny Mon 21-Aug-23 22:54:11

If. she has full custody of the child she has a perfect right to take him wherever she wants to. One Facetime call a week isn't much really. If your DS had joint custody and the child spent time with him every week he might have a case. If he really wants to play a bigger role he should apply to the court for joint custody.

Smileless2012 Mon 21-Aug-23 23:02:03

My understanding is that if the parents have joint custody, permission must be given for one of them to take the child(ren) out of the country.

Does your son have joint custody whogoesthere?

LovelyCuppa Mon 21-Aug-23 23:03:08

We would need more info here. Does your son really think she has abducted him, or is he being overly dramatic?

maddyone Mon 21-Aug-23 23:34:50

If a child is removed from it’s country of residence without the consent of both parents it’s abduction. That is a fact that I’m all too aware of although I actually wish I wasn’t!

Has the child simply gone on holiday for two weeks and will be returning? Do we actually know this? It’s still abduction if the father wasn’t consulted, but if the child is definitely returning it’s not too big an issue.

However assuming the child returns, I would advise that steps are taken to ensure the passport is lodged in a safe place so that proper permission is sought in future.

Hithere Mon 21-Aug-23 23:48:46

With the existing background, your son needs to talk to a lawyer about this if it bothers him so much

Op, you need to step back and let the parents manage this

Catterygirl Tue 22-Aug-23 00:07:38

Doesn’t sound like enough communication between the parents. My birth father picked me up from school when I was five. He lied to the teachers, saying my mum was seriously ill. I hardly knew him as he was a naval engineer. I was left with landladies. It has affected me in later life. I think your son has every right to check out what is going on with his child. Oh, mum hired a private investigator and got me back.

eddiecat78 Tue 22-Aug-23 07:22:38


They may not have been married. There may be no court order.

My son and his ex divorced and agreed access without going to court. 5 years later she is being difficult. He has been told he cannot go to court without mediation first (which she is resisting). He has also been told to be careful about rushing into court action as the judge could come up with a solution that is worse than what he already has. (His solicitor also pointed out that court action wouldn't necessarily make his ex change!)

MerylStreep Tue 22-Aug-23 07:28:04

You knew that the child was going on holiday: he told you.
Why didn’t you tell your son.

ParlorGames Tue 22-Aug-23 07:30:56

Without more details regarding agreed custody of the child it is difficult to give any advice.

However, it is dreadfully sad that people are using their own child to score points off one another.

Iam64 Tue 22-Aug-23 07:55:25

This doesn’t sound like abduction. It sounds like poor communication and hostility between the parents. The child told you he was going on holiday. That’s a job for his mum, not for him.
It sounds as though mediation is needed. It’s the first thing that would be recommended if an Application to court was made. Avoiding court proceedings is almost always best

MercuryQueen Tue 22-Aug-23 08:12:03

I think it all comes down to, is there a court order, and if so, what EXACTLY it says about this kind of situation.

She may be required to inform the father, but that’s not the same as needing his consent.

And you were both informed, the child told you. Not great, granted, but it may be that the child’s announcement preempted hers.

And since you both DID know about it, I’m confused as to why your son wants to try and charge her with kidnapping. Why didn’t he go to court before she left?

There’s some important information missing in the OP.

Smileless2012 Tue 22-Aug-23 08:18:34

whogoesthere says she knew her GC was going on holiday but that doesn't mean she knew the holiday was abroad.