Dilemma on Christmas Day

I think it is a lovely gesture to ask you.

You could spend time 'resting' while they are at the pub.
Also, you don't have to eat a huge meal, just have smaller portions.
Due to my meds causing digestive problems, I intend to have a very small Christmas dinner, my family understand this.

It is understandable that you will be sad on this day, but your son is very caring by inviting you.
I hope you have a lovely time.

Good advice from Marydoll.
Cabbie21, last Christmas came weeks after my husband died. Our adult children wanted Christmas here ‘at home’ where they could feel he was with us
This year, one of our daughters is hosting. It’s the first year I haven’t cooked in almost 40. Adjusting to living without our loved husbands is tough. Work out what’s easier for you and take it easy. We are blessed to have adult children who include us

I had many years of doing Christmas for my mother and my in laws.

Every year I was told what was expected of me:
We like to have cleared away before the Queens speech, we must go to early mass, I couldn’t each turkey without bread sauce, presents not to be opened until after church and so it goes on.
I always wondered why couldn’t they just arrive appreciatively and go with the flow.

It will be an opportunity to be with family go to your sons but opt to stay in while they go to the pub. Otherwise you will be at home on your own I’m sure your late DH wouldn’t want that.

A friend of ours had the same conversation with us recently our response was. Take the time to enjoy your family the young adult GC will fly the nest and you won’t see them much. Enjoy the company and the day best wishes.

Personally I would love it that the day was different from the usual. I also love spending time with my AC’s friends. We eat Christmas (lunch) in the evening - it doesn’t have to be in the middle of the day. Our family fit in with us.
Try to just go with the flow and enjoy your day.

Cabbie21, l understand and emphasise with you. This will also be my first Christmas without my DH. I would do whatever makes you feel happy and comfortable. Just explain to your DS.
My son is expecting me to go to him, Ddil and dgd. We have always done this since our granddaughter was born. To be honest l don't know how l will get through the day.
Sometimes l think it's better to try and make new traditions.

3pm sounds like a good time for Christmas Dinner in our house - but if it seems late to you why not have a light something at (say) noon to keep you going?

As others have said, you can "rest" if you don't fancy the pub - take a book to "rest" with.

You may find if you go mid/late morning you feel differently on the day itself. I'd keep that option open for now.

Change is always difficult if we have a "way" of doing things.
Yes, you could go later - but what would you do between (say)11 and 2.40 at home? Do you want to arrive, eat and leave?

A couple of hours before the pub sounds good to me. And frankly I'd leave the pub open 'till the day and see how it felt.

to all Gransnetters who are having to make not-so-welcome changes this year - and to all those family and friends who love us enough to try to make it

...who try to make it still feel like Christmas and include them.

(Posted too soon in error)

My sympathies.
I can fully understand why you might not feel comfortable in a busy, noisy pub, but for the rest of it, I would say go with the flow, be happy to have your family around you, they will be missing him too.
But for anybody who feels they would rather have a quiet day with their memories especially this first Christmas alone, feel free to explain gently that that is your genuine choice.

I clearly remember the first Christmas without my OH, so do understand how hard this can be.

If you do not fancy the pub, then arrive a bit later after a small snack to keep you going. You need to think of you - of what will make it all easier for you.

I hope you are able to enjoy the company of your family - sending good wishes.

Thank you for your thoughts.
I am certainly grateful for the invitation and don’t want them to feel they should do things differently, but this has caught me by surprise. I am glad they gave me the information in advance. I will either arrive later, which will give me time to have a light snack after church, or I may offer to take their dog for a walk whilst they are out.

Will the young children be in the pub? Perhaps you could volunteer to stay at their home with them; if not and they are in the pub direct your attention to them.

Just see how your feel on Christmas Day, go to the pub if you feel up to it, or take a good book or some magazines and out your feet up. Have a nice breakfast to keep you going til 3pm (we often eat our Sunday roast this late, as did my parents, & almost always have our Christmas lunch at this time) Whatever you do, I really hope you find some joy x

Take the dog for a walk, definitely 😀 Cabbie. You may be starting a new tradition.
Have a lovely Christmas.

This will be my 3rd year of not doing the whole big Christmas meal. It's odd going from busy hostess to granny who's coming to lunch.
I've been told not to bring anything either as DDiL is so capable.
I used to give everyone some job to do or item to bring. crackers please uncle Bob and brandy butter Grandpa

Eazybee, they are young adults, ie 18+.

I'd go to arrive before they go to the pub so keeping the pub option open should you decide to give it a go. Could you walk back to your son's house from the pub if it goes on too long for you and rest until they arrive?

Is there anything you could help with while they're at the pub? Etc, etc.

Just wing it and enjoy yourself. As Iam64 said, it's a blessing to have thoughtful AC wanting to include you. All the best 🥰

I think the dog walk is a great idea, Cabbie. Time for you to reflect as well as a kind gesture that doesn’t change their plans.

I feel for you. I was 40 when DH1 died and I had 2 young daughters. Trying to make it nice for them kept me going. Someone told me not to approach it with high expectations would help and they were absolutely right. Things are generally better if you don’t expect a lot. My daughters are over 40 now and have their own traditions at Christmas now. I must embrace that if I want to be with them.

The dog walk sounds perfect cabbie, suits everyone

Cabbiew 21 go with the flow. I am without DH for this first Christmas and am going along with whatever my family want. Lucky to be always included. Enjoy.

If you are going to stay with someone as a guest and they have announced plans then out of politeness you more or less have to go with their meal times etc. However I am sure they will not be offended if you want to skip the pub and stay home alone or walk the dog (excellent suggestion). Not everyone enjoys pubs with their noise and bustle. There was a time when I tolerated them but I would run a mile now.

I’m so sorry many I’d you are having to cope with sad Christmas situations.

I’d go as planned, Cabbie but if I didn’t fancy the pub the dog walk is a perfect excuse or you could offer to do last minute tasks with the Christmas meal - lay the table. Or simply say to your son that you’d like the quiet time while they’re out to just think about your Dh and times past. Take a snack with you, if you feel you can’t wait until 3pm to eat.

I hope you manage to enjoy the company of your family. Xx

It will be sad Cabbie but good to have family around. I think dog walking is the best solution and I'm sure the dog will enjoy it too. I'm sure the day will be better than you anticipate.