Too young for Alcohol?

I wouldn’t worry about it their introducing him to it gradually so it’s no big thing. I’ve seen this wouldn’t be too happy if they were allowing to go out to ours etc but within the family no problem. Stay quiet.

Buttonjugs

Shelflife

I would 'nt worry too much about this . In the grand scheme of things it is no big deal - there are many other issues of greater importance that I hope you never have to worry about. Legally he is of course too young to drink alcohol but that is for his parents to think about - not you . You are wise to keep quiet about this. He is almost 16 and will be 18 before you can turn round ! and able to chose for himself whether to drink alcohol or not. Try not to get too involved with this , he is his parents responsibility not yours - that is one of the joys of being a GP. However I recognize your concern.

He is not their son he is the OP son.

the OP corrected herself, she missed out the word "grandson" from her original post.

It's not right really, alcohol can effect the development of the adolescent brain and body .
My parents introduced myself and siblings to alcohol at a early age , in order to get us used to it, all 4 of us have or had alcohol addiction problems

In many European countries uou see young children being given a small amount of wine topped up with lemonade with food and the binge drinking/abuse of alcohol isn't as bad as in UK. At 16 a lot of young folk will be drinking without parental involvement. Your family is applying a sensible approach.

DollyD

Sorry!
What a blunder, he is my Grandson.

@Buttonjugs

Best to read all the OP’s posts before replying.

Although, it’s a badly designed forum as you can’t filter by poster.

In a restaurant over 14 in UK I think as long as it's with a meal.

I have an 14yr old and I wouldn’t offer alcohol with a meal in order to get him used to it. I think that’s pretty irresponsible to be honest.

Alcohol is a drug and I wouldn’t expect a parent to normalise taking Coke or high strength painkillers either.

Children are given some education about the dangers of drug taking via schools but if parents try to normalise drinking alcohol, what message are you giving to the young?

Neither my DH or I drink booze but we do offer it to guests with meals. I want my DS to learn that it’s completely unnecessary to drink alcohol in order to enjoy an evening in good company. I’ve been horrified by visiting other parents and seeing them drinking alcohol in the afternoon/evenings as if it’s squash and saying they need it to relax and chill.

Of course no one needs alcohol to change the way they feel. Thats how addictions start!

I was given a very small glass of very watered down wine from about 8! I didn’t do this with my kids, but they had all had alcohol by 14 or 15. I think that’s pretty normal tbh. I can remember drinking cider at that age and even making punch at other friends parties. I never became an alcoholic despite having parents who both drank and smoked heavily. I never smoked.

Far better for a 15 year old to be introduced to drinking a beer in the company of his parents, than being left to experiment with his school friends.

This is the way most European children learn to handle alcohol, but I do remember how shocked people were in Scotland when I was allowed the occasional glass of cider or sherry at that age at home, so I realise you do things differently in the UK.

As long as it is only the occasional beer, no harm will be done, although obviously young teenagers should not be drinking spirits or beer to excess.

I think it's wise to allow a young person of that age to taste alcohol and to drink a small amount when with parents. It's teaching him to drink sensibly and stopping it from being something he might otherwise be desperate to try with friends in other circumstances. Good for you to hold your tongue.

i agree with Skullduggery.
i think we would be a better country with much less alcohol consumed, advertised, normalised, societal pressure to partake etc.

wildswan16

They sound like very responsible and sensible parents.

absolutely agree

I’d be very worried but I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t agree with ‘teaching’ young people to drink alcohol whether sensibly or not sensibly. I’m really concerned about the normalisation of alcohol in our society.

Having said that, I realise I’m in a tiny minority and I certainly wouldn’t express my views about a grandchild. My own children know my views anyway, and they have their own.

I don’t think it’s a problem OP. I agree with other posters that it’s better for young people to drink alcohol in moderation within the safety of the family environment, rather than on street corners / local park etc. Both my grandsons (aged 15 & 16) drink the occasional lager shandy at family meals, on holiday etc. Neither of them drink away from the family environment.

If it’s just an occasional normal or low strength beer or lager, I would not have an issue. Let’s face it, teens are always attracted to “forbidden fruit” so by making a fuss or loudly condemning it, you run the risk of making it more likely that your grandson will go off and experiment with his mates to excess.

For information, here is what the government has to say:
www.gov.uk/alcohol-young-people-law

Would you all feel the same if it was a mum and dad on a council estate, giving a can of two of beer to their teens?

Praise them for being responsible and sensible?

I was drinking in pubs when I was 15. That was when you had to be 18 to drink. I'd been drinking in the same pub for such a long time that when it was my 18th birthday I had to pretend it was my 21st. I never developed a drink problem but I learned to be very drink aware. I grew up and grew out of alcohol. Now I'm tee total. Not because alcohol is a problem but because I don't particularly like the flavour and hate the sensation of be tipsy.

I allowed my girls to do the same. The always went out in mixed groups and ended up back at my house where they all slept in the living room. My eldest didn't go to clubs until she was 17 but my younger daughter started to go out with her sister when she was 15. Both were very streetwise and knew how much was too much. DD1's male friends protected DD2 as they all saw her as a little sister. I was thought to be a bad mother for giving them that much freedom but as their drinking had developed gradually they were much safer than some of their friends. I remember one girl, in particular, who's mother made no secret of her disapproval of my parenting, suddenly being set free at 18. She was thrown into a world in which she had no experience. She was vulnerable to any predator and, indeed , she did fall foul of at least one. She fell into a very bad crowd and her life went rapidly downhill. She had been DD2 best friend but within 6 months DD2 had dropped her completely due to her behaviour.

Now you may or may not think I was a bad mother. That's your right but my daughters grew up to be very light drinkers who settled with their partners, work hard and now have children of their own.

I'm not suggesting this form of parenting is for everyone but it worked for my girls. Perhaps your GS is learning to drink sensibly rather than just being given alcohol

I can't see a problem at all. I was always allowed a glass if wine at the table with my parents from being 14 or so, I haven't turned into a raging alcoholic, it didn't stunt my growth or impair my intellectual capabilities! Anything which is forbidden is going to lead to underhand experimentation, better that it happens above board so there's no mysteries attached. Our children also were offered a glass of something at home from 14 but actually, neither of them bothered much and still now, in their 30s, neither particularly enjoys alcohol.

I shall nip (I wish) to the shop and get a couple of cans of Stellar (sp?) for me and me laddo later, then.

my son has never been much of a drinker, i think it was because i used to let him and his friend have a couple of can's of flavoured cider in his room on a saturday night while they played video games, i would rather have them do this than seeing them in a park getting drunk and into trouble. your gs mum and dad know what they are doing and spending time with them having a lager to me seems okay.

It didn’t really arise at home, because my parents rarely drank alcohol except on holiday in France. On those holidays, at age about 13 onwards, I was allowed to try beer, wine and liqueurs. I didn’t really enjoy them, but at least alcohol never held any mystique for me.

As an adult, I drank lager in social situations, but avoided wine as much as possible because it made me feel ill. Now, I don’t drink any kind of alcohol. I simply don’t like it much.

I personally think it's better for a teen at that age to have the occasional beer or glass of wine with a meal or when out fishing or whatever - with his parents, than ban it until 18 then he goes out with his mates (when the forbidden is suddenly not!) - and he gets absolutely wrecked.

I had the occasional glass of wine or beer around that age - usually with a meal with responsible adults - by the time I was 18 it was no big deal and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been properly drunk in my life - and I'm well into my 50's. For the most part I can take or leave alcohol and rarely drink at all tbh. I'm also well educated in a professional career, so your GS having the odd beer with a meal or on a day out with his Dad doesn't necessarily mean a catastrophic impact on his life/career choices etc.

My parents used to give us a little wine with meals once we were teenagers and we did the same with our children. Actually they didn't like it much so never really had much. They particularly didn't like any kind of beer and still rarely drink it.
I always think that making it available it stops them from thinking that drinking is something naughty to be done in secret. Also might keep them off the spirits?

I was brought up in a strict Methodist household, the demon drink was not allowed on the premises. Even my (first) wedding was alcohol free. It took me a long time not to feel guilty if I went into a pub or had a drink or two.

whatstheharm.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/A-guide-for-parents.pdf