Would you tell someone they smelled

I do remember being tasked many years ago with mentioning to our new junior colleague that she had dreadful BO. We had a team leader who chickened out so the team took a vote and decided I was the youngest and most diplomatic (or next to last in!). I was very reluctant to talk to her but someone had to.

I went to help her make the coffees and started a chat about the most effective deodorants and what I used, asked her which one she used. She looked at me aghast, it had never occurred to her to use one.
She must have gone and bought one, it worked.

Working with someone who has halitosis is the worst.
I know they can't help it, but it is.

Halitosis can usually be sorted out though - it's caused by bacteria so finding the cause of that is key.
Teeth, kidneys, diet or whatever..

Chestnut -so sorry that I freaked you out !
I doubt if your clothes pong .
It's a good idea to wash your woolies in the summer ready for the winter .
I like fragrant detergents and spash in some Zoflora .
I use home grown lavender on the carpets by sprinkling dried flowers over the pile then vacuuming it off .
And spray everything with scent .
My mother was the same .
I was mortified on the bus when a girl said that she could smell something bad - it was her friend not me !
Some people have a brilliant sense of smell .
And some don't !

This is such a difficult thing to do. I have had to on two occasions, one a man with bad BO and a young girl living at home who smelled so strongly of stale cooking spices no one would sit anywhere near her. In both cases the person was very upset but were glad to be told because they thought nobody liked them and were very lonely in the workplace. Try pointing out all the good things about her and how you envy her dress sense but add that she is probably unaware she does have a bit of a problem and can you help her to sort it out? It might work, she must be aware people avoid her.

Sadly, all the hints, or talking about deodorants etc will have no effect if she isn’t aware that she smells. The only way, if it really bothers you, is to spell out that she smells, obviously gently and tactfully, but with no room for misunderstanding.

If I cared about somebody I would tell them, and I would really like someone to tell me if I had a problem.

She will not be able to smell it herself, I think NotSpaghetti 10.08 was a very kind way of telling her..

One smell that I find really offensive is one of the fabric conditioners. I don't know which one, as (obviously) I don't use it, but its fans seem to soak their clothes in it neat. It is overpowering, and pungent. I hate it. Maybe it's those scent boost things that I've seen advertised.

Grammaretto

Such a hard one. I have one friend who has bad breath. I don't tell her as I feel sure she must know, her DD is a doctor. What could she do about it anyway?
Stale urine is horrible though. Could you instigate a discussion about bladder leaks and talk about tena pads?
I was asked to buy some for a friend once which was the first time I discovered the range available.
For men too.

A dd once had a temp job at a very upmarket estate agency. One of the senior staff had absolutely appalling bad breath - it would apparently hit you from across the desk.

Whether anyone spoke to her about it I don’t know (she was married so you’d think her dh might have said something!) but eventually she visited the dentist, after apparently not going for many years.

She’d had so much accumulated plaque that after a really major clean, a noticeable gap was revealed between her front teeth - nobody had realised that her teeth weren’t naturally like that.

And apparently, the bad breath problem was sorted.

It is difficut ut at the end of the day it would be a kindness.

I imagine she suffers from bladder incontinence, I have this due to a prolapse, can be very embarrassing, have discovered incontinence pads and knickers and change underwear more than once a day.
You really do need to have a word, I realised it myself and took steps to deal with it but she may be unaware of the odour. Others may not be as kind. And without probing try to find out if she has bladder incontinence, assure her that this is common and recommend pads and knickers if you feel you are close enough to say these things.
All the best x

Dr John was told by a lady that he smelled. 'No madam', he replied, 'you smell, I stink.'

NotSpaghetti

Halitosis can usually be sorted out though - it's caused by bacteria so finding the cause of that is key.
Teeth, kidneys, diet or whatever..

He had beautiful teeth.
I'm surprised the dentist didn't tell him.

Allsorts

Your friend may have liver or kidney problems which can cause normal body sweat to smell of urine.

Some perfumes can smell of urine to some people but not to others.

It's a difficult one.

When our children were small, we had a series of wonderful au pairs. One of them, the first of two sisters to spend a year with us , used no deodorant. Our school age children loved her but they noticed that she had BO. As she always spent Sundays with a distant cousin who lived nearby, I mentioned this to the cousin and asked if she could help.

Imagine my embarrassment when the jolly Pilar came home the following Sunday and, hands on hips, said…”Claire…..my cousin’s cousin said you said I smell!” She laughed but I wanted to dig a hole and jump into it! However, the problem was solved and we went shopping for deodorant with the children in tow before Boots closed that Sunday. Our kids remember the event.

Years later, we all attended her wedding, as well as that of the sister who followed her. And we are still in touch.

Now I’m feeling totally paranoid because if “people” are unaware that they smell how do “we” know that “we” don’t??!!
(No pun intended with that “we”!)
I worked with a lovely woman who smelled but I couldn’t have hurt her for the world.
This is no help OP but there are some more helpful suggestions on here.

You don't really have many options here, do you?

Either you tell your friend straight out that there is a smell of urine when you are with her, and you know you do not yourself have a problem with incontinence, or you make excuses not to see her and go out with her.

You cannot and should not discuss it with anyone except her, and it shocks me that anyone could suggest you mention the problem to the woman's relatives, as it probably has shocked you.

Obviously, you risk her being hurt or angry if you say anything, but equally she might well feel let down by you, if someone else mentions the problem and you haven't.

So it is really a case of damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

I definitely would tell her - there is no kindness in not doing so.

I would want to know!

And it could be liver or kidneys or medication. Not necessarily urine.

My mum was buying clothes from charity shops, they smelled musty, one day I just told her, “you don’t smell like my mum”, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money to buy From nice shops.. I just can’t stand the smell of those shops

Was she laundering the clothes once bought?

Just wondering.

Mt61

My mum was buying clothes from charity shops, they smelled musty, one day I just told her, “you don’t smell like my mum”, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money to buy From nice shops.. I just can’t stand the smell of those shops

Gosh, I love a charity shop and indeed need it on occasions. Please be mindful of scabies.

An elderly friend developed dementia some years ago and her rooms did smell a little, I dealt with it by asking her lovely carer if she had a urinary infection. She told me that, in her line of work, one tended ignore smells but had my friend checked out and she did have an infection.
Personally I don't think I could tell a friend that she smelt.

Mt61

My mum was buying clothes from charity shops, they smelled musty, one day I just told her, “you don’t smell like my mum”, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money to buy From nice shops.. I just can’t stand the smell of those shops

I can't bear that smell either, even fancy "dress agencies" have the tell-tale scent.
Many of my own clothes were in storage for more than a year and developed the same smell, the best way to get rid of it was obviously washing, though some of my "special occasion" clothes are dry clean only. I sprayed these with soft water and a few drops of scented oil, then left them hanging in the spare room. Some needed a couple of sprays, but eventually they were fine.
Even clothes left in a wardrobe can get niffy, so now I've partitioned off part of my largest bedrom to use as an open wardrobe.

Doodledog

One smell that I find really offensive is one of the fabric conditioners. I don't know which one, as (obviously) I don't use it, but its fans seem to soak their clothes in it neat. It is overpowering, and pungent. I hate it. Maybe it's those scent boost things that I've seen advertised.

I feel the same as you do, I find the smell truly awful.
There is even a version which you can spray on dry fabric or upholstery, one visitor we had used it on his suits as he was working away from home and I eventually stopped eating breakfast with him. By the evening the smell had more or less disappeared.

I was also tasked to softly tell someone about her smelly hair- you could smell something fried and or spiced when you entered this particular office that saw the public/clients- her 2 colleagues had dropped hints about using dry shampoo.. I eventually went into the office and said who’s been cooking lots of fried chicken in here.. the lady who had the hair problem said no-one.. one of clients laughed and said he wanted some!! Well, it must have worked because the smell had gone and Now I’m always smelling my own hair just in case cooking odours get in my hair😊