Would you tell someone they smelled

Some people do not respond to subtle. In my job I had to speak to a guy as other staff were refusing to work with him, so I was tactful but firm. Personally, I would so hate it if I smelt and no one told me. Could you steer the conversation subtly, ask her if she has health issues and just say you don’t want to embarrass her but ……. Obviously if she does take offence you may lose her friendship, but you are avoiding her anyway. If she dosent, she may ask for your help. Good luck

My late partners clothes always smelled stale. I would at times take it home and wash some, he would get hurt and say he did not smell as he washed every day, and he was right he did not smell, but his clothes did. The wardrobes all smelled because the clothes were worn for too long and put away in the wardrobes after each wear. You need to wash your clothes regularly if not every time after wearing them or you/they will pong.

The kindest thing would be to tell her in a nice note, if anonymous it would help her save face because it would be so embarassing being told face to face. You'd always wonder if you'd been overheard.

When I was a teenager we had a class mate who was terribly smelly. We decided to find out when his birthday was and to give him a bar of soap as a hint and also, being a bit mean, we hoped he would change his lazy ways. One of the Mums contributed a luxury bar of soap and we all chipped in to pay for it. When we gave it to him , instead of getting offended as we thought, he looked joyful and we were the humbled ones. Looking back I often feel ashamed of being so nasty. Being from a middle class area, we assumed he was too lazy to wash, when in fact he was hideously poor and had no soap. We later found out his Dad was in prison and his Mum had nothing except benefits. Kids can be awful and assumptions can be dreadful.

Adults can be awful too. Always be kind and never assume anything. Could be thyroid meds, could be incontinence. Maybe send a gift with the anonymous kind note? Pads can be expensive. Even the best well turned out people could struggle to afford incontinence pads, or perhaps she just has no idea she smells.

Some years ago a luverly young lady i worked with smelled of body odour.
Everyone was talking behind her back.
I plucked up courage to tell her.
She was not happy but a few weeks thanked me.

I worked in an office with all male colleagues. One particular man had a really bad BO problem. One of the men bought 3 lots of Lynx deodorant and placed them in the man’s in tray. Problem solved. Only problem is I can’t stand the smell of Lynx now and it nearly put me off dating my husband because he used it in our first date. Fortunately I gave him another chance and the next date he used Aramis which I loved.

I have had to tell someone they smelt.

As the Manager it was down to me. And it was a male. Other staff members refused to work with him as his body odour was so bad.

I ‘hinted’ at Christmas when I brought him and the women gifts of deodorants and bath bits. He accepted the gift graciously saying ‘That will look nice on my bathroom shelf.’ I was hoping he’d use it.

That didn’t work so had to have a quiet word with him. Explained the work we do for part of the day was in an enclosed room with tiny windows and we all sweated in there, and were all suffering, so needed to shower more.

He asked me outright. ‘Are you saying I smell?’ I had to say unfortunately yes.

He said ‘I don’t understand it, I have a shower every morning.’

Then I asked about how often he changed his shirt. He said’ Every two or three days if it’s still clean.’

Had to explain that even though it looked clean, it was collecting sweat all the time, which once exposed to the air was then drying overnight, but getting trapped in the fabric.

He honestly thought if the shirt was clean it was ok to wear for a second or third day. He was in his mid 50s and said ‘My mum always told me it was ok when I was at school so I just stuck with it.’

Felt quite sad for him but things improved rapidly. I think he was grateful I didn’t make it ‘public’ to the rest of the staff.

This is relevant to something that happened just recently,- giving a neighbour a lift. Phew...
No, I don't think I could tell her and risk hurting her feelings.

Charity shops do have a distinctive smell not masked by whatever it is they spray around the place. My friend works in a charity shop and her daughter complained she come home smelling of ‘l’eau de Oxfam’. I always think this if I venture in such shops,

Years ago I had a bad experience at the dentist and stopped going for a long while. After I retired I joined a social group and an exneighbour I hadn't seen for some years came across to welcome me. But as she hugged me I sensed her jump away and the look on her face told me she wasn't comfortable. She made her welcome very short and moved away. I immediately realised something was amiss but my husband said he hadn't noticed anything (typical of him!!). I plucked up courage to find a new dentist and he unfortunately had to remove two teeth and fit a denture but at least the bad breath was resolved.

Also in years gone by I was a smoker. I tried not to smoke indoors and was constantly asking visitors if they could smell anything - to which they all said no. One weekend we had a party and an old friend who hadn't visited for several years walked through the door and immediately said "I see you are still smoking Meg!". A couple of weeks later I overheard a neighbour (who had also come to the party) telling her friends that the party was good, the food excellent, but the smell of tobacco smoke had lingered even on her knickers when she got undressed that night.

So it just shows how more sensitive to smell some people can be and we might be offending people without realising it.

I think that is a very good idea

It’s a difficult one if you don’t want to offend the person make out you have a problem and ask for their advice.

We had a cousin who visited us regularly he really did pong. I often bought him shower gift sets for Christmas and birthdays which he clearly didn’t use. He moved house and we don’t see him now thankfully.

As her friend, I would have to tell her in the nicest way I could, and offer help.
I once had a friend that had very bad front teeth smelly breath, and she was pregnant, I asked her out for lunch, telling her I need to go to the dentist appt first, and she could come with me. Once there I told her she’s entitled to free treatment as she’s pregnant. She said she’s scared of the dentist, I said I’d come with her to appts, which I did. She had all her teeth cleaned, some removed, and had a lovely smile once again. She said thank you, and she’s no longer afraid of the dentist.

I told a friend of mine - a solicitor - that he smelled, he said "thankyou for that" I'll readdress my ablutions, and he did.

I have a friend who I stay with occasionally who wears his unwashed clothes for at least a week at a time. He takes them off and leaves them in a pile on the lounge floor and puts them on again in the morning.
I've tried buying him new tshirts but he only likes his horrible hi vis ones.
I won't be staying there again as he doesn't like being told!

It’s difficult, and although I’d be hurt to hear it, I hope I’d be told.
A priest on our governing body made meetings a nightmare. If you were last to arrive, the only spare spaces were next to him. In the end, whilst walking out to the car park, I told him.
His response was a thank you and a laugh. He said, “I wonder why no one has ever mentioned it when we are in confession.”

He didn’t seem to mind, but
I wondered if I ought to confess unkind thoughts next time.

There's also a specific 'old person smell'.... I always tell my other half if he or his clothes smell (he likes heavy gardening and DIY so not unusual) so he can wash or put his clothes in the washing machine. I hope he'd do the same for me. It's hard to tell people they smell but if they can do something about it it is probably worth doing so as they maybe don't realise and it affects their day to day social life so much. I'd over to know how to do this without giving offense but if it was me, I'd rather be told than left to get on with it and have people avoid me 🤔

Many years ago I worked with a group of women one of whom had dreadful BO. Everybody talked about it but nobody did anything until the woman in charge took her to one side and then after that the problem was gone. Many months later the boss told me what she'd said which I thought was really tactful. She said something along the lines that she knew how very particular 'A' was but she had noticed recently a slight BO smell and knew that 'A" would want to know and do something about it before anyone else noticed.
Still not sure I'd be able to tell anybody myself but if I had to then this is the way I'd try to do it. Good luck.

NotSpaghetti

"I'm not wanting to upset you because I care about you and we've been friends for years but I'm afraid I've noticed a bit of a smell today xxx - are you OK? I'm concerned it may be a kidney problem or the start of diabetes?"

"Maybe you just changed your medication?"

Well said~~~

It is kinder to tell a close friend diplomatically than let them continue blissfully unaware. I’m sure that’s what we would all wish, embarrassing tho’ it may be at the time.

Urine should not smell if fresh, and may mean an infection or kidney problem of some sort, or failure to change wet pads or underwear frequently enough.

I might well introduce it by mentioning how lovely it was to see young people wearing their fabulous colognes and how modern they were. Then I would add that as we get older our sense of smell doesn't work so much anymore and that perhaps we could take a leaf out of their book. Perhaps even mention some modern shower gels or favourite soaps and colognes. Even ask the person with the problem if they had even sat next to anyone who needed to use a shower gel.

there was a lady who ran a coffee shop in town. she had a husband and teenage children and had dreadful bo. I thought it cruel of her family not to tell her let alone any friend. It lasted months. saw her the other day and she's fine now. Why would you not tell a loved one and let them leave the house each day.
I didn't know her to speak to.

any clothes bought from a charity shop would be washed as a matter of course surely.

an elderly person I hugged once smelt 'frowsy'. hair needed a wash.

I work with a 30 year old has terrible body odour. It’s an unwashed smell. She wears the same clothes every day and I have to back away when she speaks to me as she doesn’t wash her teeth either. Front facing office role. I cannot for the life of me understand why no clients or coworkers have complained??! I’m only in the office once per week, some days it absolutely reeks in there as soon as i walk through the door. No AC so in summer she sweats a lot and carry’s the office fan around with her whatever desk she’s sitting at! I have thought about sending an anonymous letter to the manager, the note in the pocket wouldn’t work as she would recognise my handwriting.

Many years ago, when l was beginning the second year of my degree course, I made friends (platonic) with a young man who had just started. I noticed as the term went on that he was beginning to get a distinct odour - a mixture of BO and unwashed clothes. We were in a practice room, which was small, and I noticed the smell more than ever. He complained to me that he couldn’t seem to attract a girlfriend. This was just the opportunity I needed so, taking courage in both hands, I told him what th problem was, adding that it would be a good idea to have a bath more than once a week and that his underwear needed to be changed every day. He was very pleased that I told him and, a few days later, told me that he had bought some new clothes. He never had the problem again.

As for your friend, it is, indeed, much more difficult as she is older. I think that l would support the answer suggesting that you had noticed a smell of wee that day and were concerned for her health - could it be a UTI, kidney problem or diabetes? If you make it sound as if you were concerned about her health rather than the smell, she might be more receptive. You could also add that when you had a UTI that you found X brand of pads most helpful.
Horrible smells are so difficult, aren’t they? For me, it is the smell of cigarettes that is worst and l find that if I am in a queue behind a smoker (always noticeable by the smell on their clothes) I try not to breathe in too much and take a step back.

Urine,bad breath and perspiration smells on others all make me wretch .
Something no-one has mentioned here is tobacco smell which lingers on skin,clothes and furniture..revolting!!!!

Tobacco has been mentioned on the thread and I agree it is a most disgusting smell when stale.
Last winter I had an appointment with an audiologist. The consulting room was very warm and the strong smell of body odour coming from the young male audiologist was overwhelming. Thankfully he was only there on a temporary basis. I hope a member of the team has put him wise about his BO problem. On reflection I wish I had had a gentle word with him before I left. As we are unlikely ever to meet again it might have been less embarrassing for him.