Family bully/ what to do.

I'd block them, as hard as that may be.
The fact that you have months worth of abusive texts shows that nothing will change.
Does the person have mental health issues?
That would sway me to perhaps persevere.

Depends who it is, most likely I would copy the message back to them and add

“If you ever send me a message like that again you will be blocked”

If it happens again do just that.

It's difficult to know what to advise without knowing your relationship to this family member because depending on the closeness, taking action may not be something you feel you can do.

I wouldn't tolerate it regardless of who it is. It's abuse and abuse should never be tolerated from anyone. You are being manipulated into accepting the abuse with the 'promise'/hints of niceness, that things may change.

Why is it necessary to ignore all family birthdays and Christmas's for the foreseeable future? Is it not possible to distance yourself from just this particular family member?

I would refuse to engage with this person, not talk to them and block any way they may have of messaging me. I would tell them what I'm going to do and if they find any other means of harassing me, I'll take the evidence I have to pursue legal action.

I hope you can find a resolution you can be comfortable with .

MissAdventure

I'd block them, as hard as that may be.
The fact that you have months worth of abusive texts shows that nothing will change.
Does the person have mental health issues?
That would sway me to perhaps persevere.

Yes they have had MH issues. But they deny it exists. Apparently I am all that is evil .

I did confront them last time they spoke because I'm recovering from a serious illness and don't need that. They tried to turn things around and say I was bullying them, so I challenged them to find a quote where I had said anything remotely negative. They went quiet because I have not been anything other than kind and nice, so there is no proof against me.

How close is the family member?
Although in my opinion there's no little or no excuse for that level of behaviour.

Personally, I'd contact them saying that if they continued to send abusive texts / voicemails, I would be contacting the police.
If it is a genuine mental health concern...are other family members getting the same level of abuse?
Could you speak to another in the hope of some intervention?

It's a very difficult situation.
I think I would still block the texts, because you will still be able to see they've been sent, if you've a mind to, so at least you'll know the person is ok (ish)

If you just check, without opening or reading the texts, it might be best for you.

You can't be a punching bag for this person without it taking a toll on you, I'm sure.

It might depend on who it is, as far as I would be concerned.

Dee1012

How close is the family member?
Although in my opinion there's no little or no excuse for that level of behaviour.

Personally, I'd contact them saying that if they continued to send abusive texts / voicemails, I would be contacting the police.
If it is a genuine mental health concern...are other family members getting the same level of abuse?
Could you speak to another in the hope of some intervention?

I don't want to write in public what the relationship is, but am happy to discuss in PM's.

Other members of the family may be getting abuse but are not in contact with us because of a very difficult situation which this person has created. I have not deleted any messages from this relative, ever.

The messages they sent are very incriminating to them in so many ways.

00opsidia

MissAdventure

I'd block them, as hard as that may be.
The fact that you have months worth of abusive texts shows that nothing will change.
Does the person have mental health issues?
That would sway me to perhaps persevere.

Yes they have had MH issues. But they deny it exists. Apparently I am all that is evil .

Has the person been given a formal diagnosis. So well knows they have it?

Or is it a case of everyone guessing?

Do you "care" for them, as in say a son?
Or is it say a cousin, and they are not your primary responsibility?

I would be curious to know if they were targeting another member of the family too. Can you identify anyone who might be?
Can you consider a family meeting and calling the bully out there and then by showing others the vile messages and letting them listen to the voice messages? This might sound extreme but it does sounds like the bully is in need of professional help; their continued behaviour towards you will only wear you down.

The messages they sent are very incriminating to them in so many ways.

Is it really a matter for the Police?

It depends what the MH issue is. Some issues do cause the person to become abusive. If the person is refusing to acknowledge there is an issue there's not much you can do.
You shouldn't put up with abuse and tell them that you will delete abusive texts and not listen to calls until they can be reasonable.
If this person is close to you urge them to get help with what seem to clearly be MH problems.

fancythat

00opsidia

MissAdventure

I'd block them, as hard as that may be.
The fact that you have months worth of abusive texts shows that nothing will change.
Does the person have mental health issues?
That would sway me to perhaps persevere.

Yes they have had MH issues. But they deny it exists. Apparently I am all that is evil .

Has the person been given a formal diagnosis. So well knows they have it?

Or is it a case of everyone guessing?

If they have, they have not shared it so "it's everyone else's fault but mine" syndrome as far as I know...

fancythat

^The messages they sent are very incriminating to them in so many ways.^

Is it really a matter for the Police?

I wouldn't like to go to the police and even if I did I don't think it would help.

They have told me things they ought not to have done, so it probably is but I can't talk about it pubically. It could all be in their head.

Smileless2012

It's difficult to know what to advise without knowing your relationship to this family member because depending on the closeness, taking action may not be something you feel you can do.

I wouldn't tolerate it regardless of who it is. It's abuse and abuse should never be tolerated from anyone. You are being manipulated into accepting the abuse with the 'promise'/hints of niceness, that things may change.

Why is it necessary to ignore all family birthdays and Christmas's for the foreseeable future? Is it not possible to distance yourself from just this particular family member?

I would refuse to engage with this person, not talk to them and block any way they may have of messaging me. I would tell them what I'm going to do and if they find any other means of harassing me, I'll take the evidence I have to pursue legal action.

I hope you can find a resolution you can be comfortable with .

I wouldn't be able to take action without opening up other problems for them due to the other content of their messages.

Thanks Smileless

Does this family member have any known or diagnosed mental health issues?

I wonder if you can bite the bullet and ask other family members to get involved eg
To support you?
To speak to the abuser?
To admit they have received similar abuse?
You may not be the only one targeted.

Cabbie21

I wonder if you can bite the bullet and ask other family members to get involved eg
To support you?
To speak to the abuser?
To admit they have received similar abuse?
You may not be the only one targeted.

No one will.

No one can.

Cossy

Does this family member have any known or diagnosed mental health issues?

As I said above, not that they have told me about.

I know they have engaged with MH services, but they deny having MH problems.

You have to block them and delete their number. Is there any chance they would turn up at your door? I don't think it matters what your relationship is with them, nor if they have mental health issues. They are being abusive and you are within your rights to cut them off. You say sometimes they are nice. Probably when they sense you are close to cutting them off. Abusers aren't abusive all the time because people wouldn't start a relationship with them. Look after yourself.

I don't think they would come here. Yes they are abusive and it's gone on for years. It's really affected my health. I was hospitalised, seriously ill , then they visited me in hospital and were nice for a while...and then it all started up again.

So it seems if you ignore them it means you cut off from all family?
Maybe you need to confide in a trusted family member it maybe that you are not the only one suffering in this way.
Some people can be very manipulative.