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Does anyone still miss their parents?

(134 Posts)
LaCrepescule Sun 27-Oct-24 08:10:43

I’m 67. Mum died in January aged 92 and dad has been gone since 2015 - he was 88. They both had long lives and were only ill towards the end. I know how lucky I was but find myself only now grieving for them, especially mum. After she died I mainly felt relief.
I dream about her all the time and just wish she was here.
My childhood wasn’t perfect but I was very much loved and they did their best. I’m single with a lovely 24 year old daughter who has just moved out and I’m wondering if her leaving has anything to do with my intense feelings of grief.
Life is impermanent and nothing stays the same. Yet I hang on to these feelings of wanting them here when they both had good long lives. Perhaps I should just finally let myself grieve so I can be at peace with their passings and just feel gratitude that I had them.
How much harder it is for you who have lost partners. I wish those of you in that situation love and strength.
Who here misses their parents still in a way that makes them more sad than it should?

HowVeryDareYou2 Sun 27-Oct-24 13:38:05

My mum died in 1995, at the age of 72, when I was 36. I miss her still.

Dad died beginning of 2000, aged 81. I miss him but nowhere near as much as my mum.

MissAdventure Sun 27-Oct-24 13:43:59

I can always picture my mum doing her gardening, with her cat sitting next to her, and her smile when I went through the gate.

Jaxjacky Sun 27-Oct-24 13:48:01

I really miss my Dad, he died in 2005 aged 76, no age really, he was a kind, wise man. My Mum, died 2019 aged 89, not so much, she had dementia for ten cruel years and lost herself after Dad died,

halfpint1 Sun 27-Oct-24 14:11:04

No . They lived their lives, Father died at 69
Mother at 81
My father never wanted to be dependent.
My Mother had dementia, it was a struggle.

bluebird243 Sun 27-Oct-24 14:12:33

Mum and I lived with my Grandmother who basically was the one who brought me up. She died 40 years ago when I was 35 and I think about her all the time. She was lovely to me and her face beamed when I visited her. I loved her very much. The years I lived with her gave me a safe, cared for childhood and I was a happy soul - then. I'm happy to say I am a lot like her in many ways.

I loved my mother, who died in 2008, but our relationship was difficult. I have a lot to thank her for though and I do miss her but not in the same way. I feel compassion [her life wasn't easy] and regret that I didn't bond with her better.

Both are in my heart.

Labradora Sun 27-Oct-24 14:14:51

Still miss both of them. Mum went in 2007 and Dad in 2016. I think of them most days and am still influenced by the guidance that they gave me" always tell the truth"; after a disappointment (from my Dad) "polish your shoes and go to work ; "never pick on anyone weaker than you are".........I'm not saying I've invariably kept to their high standards but I've always known that it was good advice.
For me , they are living proof of the saying" what remains of us is love".

Georgesgran Sun 27-Oct-24 14:18:34

My lovely Mum died in .’92 - she was just 68 and had been house, then bed bound for 4 years leading up to her death. I was robbed, as were my DDs, only 12 and 7 at the time.
Sometimes when I’m out and about with them and my beloved DGSs, my heart breaks to see and know what she’d missed out on.
My Dad, who was 14 years her senior, picked himself up after she died and embraced the rest of his life - doing things he wanted to do, but couldn’t as he was her main carer.
He took a great interest in my DDs, and died in 2008, in his 96th year.

I miss and remember both with great love. The circle of life.

Primrose53 Sun 27-Oct-24 14:26:08

I used to take my elderly Mum out a lot and often my daughter would come with us. Although she was a great age She was still beautiful with stunning white hair which was always styled nicely. She had lovely modern clothes which we chose together because when we were growing up times were hard and all her clothes and ours were from jumble sales or hand knitted.

People were always asking if we were 3 generations when my daughter was about 30, I was 60 and Mum was 90. I was always being told how lucky we were and we truly were blessed.

Mum and I could find something to laugh about every time we were together so I try to still do this even though she is no longer with us.

Role Sun 27-Oct-24 14:37:09

Kate1949

No. I wish my mother had had a better life as her life was awful. She died at 58 when I was 23. My father was a monster.

I could have said this except my mother suffered for a few years longer than yours. She was completely under his ‘spell’ and supported his view of life to the end. I was sorry he didn’t go first in the hope Mum may have come to her senses. But it wasn’t to be.

JdotJ Sun 27-Oct-24 14:52:44

Every day I still miss my mum after nearly 6 years

Skydancer Sun 27-Oct-24 14:58:25

Its my grandmother I still miss.
*BigLouis” I feel exactly like you do. It’s a loss I have felt for over 40 years.

ordinarygirl Sun 27-Oct-24 14:59:52

I was never that close to my brother but since he died, i miss him greatly

JamesandJon33 Sun 27-Oct-24 15:37:48

I suppose I loved my parents. Neither were particularly demonstrative or loving. When my mother died, and I was with her when she did, I am sorry to say I felt a great feeling of release. I could be myself with no snide comments or reproaches from her. I do things for myself now and not to please or gain affection from them

Babs03 Sun 27-Oct-24 15:38:01

My dad died in 1980, he was no age and neither was I to lose a father, he never knew his grandchildren. My mum died 2000 so have been an orphan for a long time. It often surprises me when people in their late sixties like me have parents still alive. I have paddled my own canoe for so long that I don’t really remember when I last had them both with me but I do miss not having a home to go back to where someone actually looks after me rather than looking after everyone else. That must be heaven.

Retread Sun 27-Oct-24 15:45:41

I miss my mother very much. She died 30 years ago when I was only 45. There is so much I would like to to tell her, and I would also like to say sorry for some things. If anything, I miss her more with the passing of time.

My parents divorced when I was a child and I made a concerted effort to reconnect with my father when I was in my teens. I regret having run after him to try and have a relationship with that self-absorbed, disinterested man who didn't deserve it. I don't miss him at all.

crazyH Sun 27-Oct-24 15:54:54

I still miss them. My sweet gentle Dad died when I was 14 and my hardworking, strong Mum, when I was 49. There was a 27 year age-gap between them.

ilovepuffins Sun 27-Oct-24 16:00:15

It is just 8 weeks since we lost Dad and we miss him so much.
He was the family rock and married to Mum for 64 years.
I cannot describe how lucky we were to have him.
Looking after Mum as much as possible but this is so hard for everyone.

mrsgreenfingers56 Sun 27-Oct-24 16:15:49

Lost dad in 2004 and think of him very often and looking after mum who is 93 with double dementia and often think dad would be proud of the way myself and sister are trying our very best to look after mum who is as helpless now as a baby with her dementia.

Thorntrees Sun 27-Oct-24 16:36:42

I miss both my parents especially my Dad.
He was a gentle Christian soul and I so wish he had had the joy of knowing his great grandchildren and had the chance to guide them as he did me along life’s path.
Mum was difficult but I loved her and her last years were hard without Dad.
I also miss my grandparents who taught me so much about life and I just hope as a grandma I can help my grandchildren as they navigate their way through life.
The circle of life goes on and we all have a part to play.

LaCrepescule Sun 27-Oct-24 16:45:43

Indeed Georgesgran, the circle of life.
Thank you all for sharing your stories, some happy, some sad.

Kate1949 Sun 27-Oct-24 17:29:21

I feel as you do Babs. We have a friend who is 74 and still has his mum. His dad only died last year. My mum died in 1972.

Madmeg Sun 27-Oct-24 17:59:03

I feel so sorry for those of you who still experience grief at the loss of parents even after a long time, but even more sorry for those who don't have good memories of their parents.

I was so lucky to have excellent parents. I was an only child, but not spoilt at all, and learnt loads from both of them. I knew all but one grandparent who died when I was six months old, and each one taught me something good (one was very musical and I inherited some of his skill, as did my daughters, and now my grandkids.

None of our parents lived long enough to see their GCs married or know my grandkids. They would have been proud of us all.

So really, all has been normal in my life though I do wish my dear dad was still here - he was uneducated but so wise and I know my GCs would have adored him - and vice versa.

I hope all my departed ancestors can hear me!

essjay Mon 28-Oct-24 12:45:31

i lost my mum when i was 18, nearly 50 years ago and yes i still miss her. i missed her most when i married, had children and then divorced. My dad had died by the time i divorced. I miss not being able to turn to him when i see something in the news or hear about someone we knew.

lovesreading Mon 28-Oct-24 12:51:38

Absolutely. I still want to tell them things that have happened. I am lucky in that, apart from their ill health at the end, my memories are happy. My dad died 28 years ago and my mum 3 years ago. I miss them and think of them most days.

Mojack26 Mon 28-Oct-24 12:53:10

I'm 69 miss mine still. Mum died in 2012 at 88 dad 2019 at 93. Mum deteriorated in her last year with Parkinson's great and full life till then stylish and never looked her age, dad had all his faculties, looked after himself, no care package, apart from me, which I loved,mainly chauffer and just keeping him on track. Took him back to Germany at 89 and a few holidays after that. Miss them a lot. Still miss my gran and she died 40 years ago next month! I was very close to her. You are not alone. 🥰💔💔