What shall I do?

I’d swallow my own feelings about it, and agree to meet her. Many men just can’t cope with being alone, and enter into new relationships within weeks or months of their wife’s death. It doesn’t mean that he’s forgotten your cousin, loves her less than he did, or doesn’t still mourn her.

I can see very well why you’re reluctant, but If it’s just a meet-up for lunch or dinner, I’d glue a plastic smile on, and go along with it. I’m assuming he’s not asking for the pair of them to stay with you?

Thank you both for replying. No he isn’t staying with us. They’re in a hotel seeing the sights as he put it.

I expect you’re both right and we will have to go along with it. It just feels wrong and disloyal to my cousin somehow. We were all very close and she suffered quite a bit with her illness. He’s always had an eye for the ladies but we didn’t expect this so soon. Also, at his age, I suppose we all thought it was unlikely to happen so fast.

Thanks for your answers, it’s good to get an outside perspective rather than just family.

You have to move on now life is too short also your cousin would want him to settle.

I can see why you are upset. I would be too, but I think you will just have to grin and bear it. We can never understand how bereaved people feel unless we have the same experience ourselves, and even then, our way of dealing with it may be different from theirs.
If you want to stay in contact with this man, you are going to have to accept the way he is choosing to move on. The alternative would be to cut ties altogether, and you might regret that.
Give it some careful thought.

My first husband died in 2007
Met my current husband in 2014, married in 2016.

Please meet them and be pleasant.
Life is too short to be alone and unhappy

Oh and I've told my husband if I go first I don't want him to be alone and sad.

That’s men ! If it wa the other way around, I bet your cousin would still be grieving for him.
Btw how old is he?

We’ve been in a similar position, woodenspoon. The first meeting felt a little awkward then we concluded all that mattered was our family member was happy. The relationship lasted until he died some years later.

Well, I suppose in my wrk g life I had to have lunch with lots of people I didn’t like and some I positively detested and be pleasant to all of them.

It’s just a couple of hours or even less then if it’s just coffee. You can be busy if he suggests anything more.

This may not be a serious relationship, just a companionable friendship with someone in a similar position. Perhaps with benefits, perhaps not.
I know from my experience there’s no word that really describes that. So “lady” might have been the best he could come up with.

We all need friends.

Having been widowed myself I can completely understand the loneliness and desire for companionship and even the desire for a physical relationship.
When I remarried some people were less than keen but I and my DH2 who had also been widowed have always known that we did the right thing.
Meet the lady and make her welcome.

Everybody copes with grief differently, my mum would never have met up with someone else after my dad died even though he was just in his fifties and she was still young enough to start a new life.
But an aunt of mine met up with someone just a year after my uncle died though I imagine it was less than a year and she didn’t admit to it until a year had gone by.
The family found it hard but had to grin and bear it. They subsequently split up and she met someone else on a cruise.
Sone people just can’t cope with being alone.
As others have said just grin and bear it.

I agree with everyone here. I recognise how difficult it is seeing him with someone else - that is an odd feeling!
Bereaved people cope as well as they can, everyone is different. Please do your best - I feel sure you will!

Casdon

I’d swallow my own feelings about it, and agree to meet her. Many men just can’t cope with being alone, and enter into new relationships within weeks or months of their wife’s death. It doesn’t mean that he’s forgotten your cousin, loves her less than he did, or doesn’t still mourn her.

Obvs we don’t know anything about their marriage but if she had been ill for a long time she may have given him a free pass as it were.
It can’t hurt your cousin now and if you want to stay in touch you have to accept it.
On the other hand, for the future if you’re not all that keen on him but just wanted to honour a promise, you know he’s ok as he has a new woman in his life, which absolves you.

If it helps I have read somewhere that men who have been in very happy marriages are more likely to hitch up with someone quicker than those in unhappy marriages.
They find being alone incredibly hard and want to replicate the happiness they had.
Not sure why women aren’t the same although I presume some are but everyone grieves and copes differently I suppose.
Personally I would like my husband to be as happy as he could be if I wasn’t around.

'Catch the Christmas buyers?'

Noobody buys houses at Christmas.

Desdemona

'Catch the Christmas buyers?'

Noobody buys houses at Christmas.

Boxing Day is the busiest day of the year on RightMove🙂

Lathyrus3

Desdemona

'Catch the Christmas buyers?'

Noobody buys houses at Christmas.

Boxing Day is the busiest day of the year on RightMove🙂

Is it? I wonder why?

My FiL had 3 lady friends as a widower, the first 2 relationships lasting until the lady died, the last one ended when he died.

We, and the ladies, all knew he had been devoted to his wife and would have her back in an instant if he possibly could.

He had to live in the present, though, so was doing the best he could.

You can never have too much love. He loved your cousin and now he has some new love in his life. It does not detract5 from how he felt for your cousin. Be happy for him.

Nobody ever knows what's going on in someone elses marriage. Maybe your cousin's had been on the blink for many years ; he loyally stayed with her through her illness until she died. And now having been through that, he feels he should grab life and live it while he can. Make a new start.

Or maybe they were so close and happy that she actively encouraged him "When I die, don't bury yourself in grief. I want you to be happy; sell this old place, live your dreams, and I hope you find someone new to keep you company with my blessing",

Maybe when she asked you to stay in touch with him, her underlying message was " Whatever he chooses to do".

Life alone s pretty lonely..men seem find it so much harder than women
It’s his life to live..if you want to do as your cousin asked you need to meet up and remember no one knows another’s life

As others have said, some people find being single difficult. My mum was widowed very young, as my dad died in his 50's and she was a lot younger than him, but she said she didn't think she'd ever meet someone as good. She was widowed for longer than her 24 year marriage! Others find love a second time around quite quickly. We are all different. After my divorce I looked at online dating, though never plucked up courage to actually meet up with anyone. Eventually I realised I was happy enough on my own and have remained so. I have friends though who struggle with being single again and seem to always be looking for the next partner.
Try to accept them as the couple they are without judgement. You may find you really like his new 'lady' and if not you may never need to see them again.

"None of us want to meet her"
That's awful. Poor lady. Your cousin has gone, her husband is still here and has his life to live. Would you rather he sat and wallowed? You should be pleased for him. I don't think you should 'grin and bear it', I think you should welcome his new lady with open arms and thank her for being in his life.