Asking for hand in marriage

My DD’s just told me that they were now engaged, I did know their partners of course.I told my own parents proudly that I was now engaged, they seemed happy enough tho may have muttered a bit out of my hearing.

No never and wouldn't expect these days.

How about asking ‘Can you keep my daughter in the manner to which she is accustomed’
I once laughingly said this old phrase to one of my twins and she said ‘it would be a bloody poor do if he couldn’t’🙈

No, and if they had asked I would not have thought them suitable as equal partners for my daughters. Women are not possessions to be passed about.

Not as such, my daughter's now husband did come to see us before he asked her to marry him, and said he knew she wouldn't want him to ask for our 'permission', as she's nobody's property, but he just wanted to know that we were happy with it, which I thought was quite sweet.

Our SiL came to us with a bottle of whisky for DH, a huge box of chocs for me and a spread sheet of his finances. He'd also located a special diamond online for a ring and wanted to discuss whether I thought DD would like it. Needless to say we were very impressed and are still impressed 18 years later!

My son in law came to see me and asked my permission, although we both knew it was a given thing. I thought it was sweet of him.

I like the late Leslie Crowther's alleged reply to Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzie when he asked for his daughter's hand "you might as well you've had everything else" It's all very from another time, we've moved on, daughters don't belong to fathers, well not in western culture at least.

Certainly not, neithet I nor DH would have expected it.
In our own case, my parents had already made it clear that they thought my beloved was unsuitable, so we just told them we wanted to get married, the implication being that they could like it or lump it.

Yes, our SIL asked but that was a number of years ago now.

Good God know. My DH did not ask my father for my hand in marriage either. If he had, that would have been the end of the engagement.

Asking a father for a daughter's hand in marriage is a hark back to the days when parents controlled their children's lives, especially daughters, almost in perpetuity.

I do know that. However, we thought it was a charming way to discuss it with us. It was all top secret and we planned the proposal- or rather he told us his plan and arranged for us all to be at a local hotel to celebrate after he'd popped the question. Luckily, she agreed. It was a very happy start to his joining our family.

My son formally asked his now father in law.

Good grief no no …one asked me and I didn’t expect them to, they all just told me and none of them asked for any money either for weddings they all funded their ow.

My now lovely son in law not only informed us he was going to propose but asked my DH to go with him to choose the ring.

Luckily it all worked out well.

I believe my son did say something informal to that effect to his potential parents-in-law. He knew they would be happy. I doubt if he’d have taken the risk otherwise!

My husband certainly didn’t. He didn’t even meet my parents until after we were engaged.

When Fiance No 1 asked my father if we could get engaged, the answer was 'I suppose so, but getting engaged doesn't mean you have to get married'. He didn't like my choice, obviously! Indeed 18 months later my fiance broke it off and I was truly heartbroken. DH asking the same question was greeted with enthusiasm and relief!

Surely asking this question comes from a time when women were legally subordinate, first to their father and then to their husband? I thought it harked back to the 19th century and went with the repeal of The Married Women's Property Act in 1870.

I KNOW!!

I think when a prospective SIL approaches his prospective in-laws about marrying their daughter, it’s a respect thing. Nowadays both sides know it’s not about ownership of the daughter. He has most probably sensed or been told their views, whether they are laidback, uninvolved, or perhaps more formal. Perhaps his own parents have told him ‘this is the way to do it’.

Our SIL rang and spoke to my husband. He was planning to propose on her birthday and asked us to come up and share the day. We felt included and very much appreciated the way he went about it.

DaisyAnneReturns

Surely asking this question comes from a time when women were legally subordinate, first to their father and then to their husband? I thought it harked back to the 19th century and went with the repeal of The Married Women's Property Act in 1870.

Yes.

But it's just politeness, good manners now (or was 20 years ago!!). Especially if parents are expected to pay for or contribute to the wedding.

it’s a respect thing
Yes, denbylover

Nothing to do with chattels or property.

Allira

^it’s a respect thing^
Yes, denbylover

Nothing to do with chattels or property.

Yes, I agree.

I think we all know that it's not asking transfer of ownership from the father/ mother. It's just a gesture of respect and even humility. A way of saying " i would love to be part of your family, is that something you would give your blessing to".
The opposite of "this is what we are doing, it's our life, our choice, like it or lump it".

I know which I prefer.