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Forgive me yet again

(166 Posts)
Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 20:33:11

I so need to talk.

We applied for disclose of statements from the coroner before the inquest into the death of my beloved daughter. They arrived today, I have been dreading them every day .

I don't understand the toxicology report. Mils in a litre of blood etc,

A man tried to save her , he gave his phone to a woman who was on the bridge to ring the police whilst he tried to talk to my daughter. I would like to thank him , who ever he is, I have his name, would this be the wrong thing to do?

I am so distressed because she took some photographs with her to the bridge, the report gave a full description of them and I know which they are .

One of her three children.

Her and her husband on their wedding day.

One black and white of three adults and a baby, I know this was her christening, I took a photograph of her, her darling daddy, her paternal grandfather and paternal great grandmother ,

One black and white of a female sitting on a sofa , arms around two little girls, one on each side, me and my daughters, my husband took it. We were so happy.

Why am I saying all this? Not for sympathy, because I am devasted and so turn to you yet again, so sorry,

Annie x

grannyactivist Mon 15-Jan-18 22:34:55

Annie it was very sensible of you to ask for disclosure before the inquest, it has given you an understanding of what evidence will be submitted to the court and time to absorb the information in private.
Can you be encouraged to think of the photographs as your daughter's last expression of closeness to her family? The people she loved, and who loved her, were with her right to the end - in her heart and in her mind; in the decision to take those photographs with her so that perhaps she didn't feel alone. flowers

cascats Mon 15-Jan-18 22:35:15

I am so very sorry Anniebach for the pain you must be feeling. The importance of the photographs to your daughter must have meant a lot to her, I wish I had words to help, my heart goes out to you. x

Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 22:45:10

I am sorry, the photographs distressed me, I must get myself together, I am not the only one grieving here . This sounds awful but I wish it had been a fall down stairs, or a physical illness, the thought she didn't want to live yet when well she loved life , I cannot stop asking myself why didn't she come to me, she knew I never locked my door at night in case she needed to come to me for help it to talk, or to be held close, she always wanted me to hold her close if ill or troubled and stroke her hair,

paddyann Mon 15-Jan-18 22:47:56

Annie I have a friend and neighbour whose daughter jumped from a bridge leaving three small children a few years ago.I dont know how she and the rest of the family ever got through it...not OVER it because they just learned to live with it.She has always included her D in our conversations and when asked how many C she has always includes her .I think she copes because she had the GC to think of and she campaigns for more help for mothers with PND .Its far too soon for you to be positive but there will come a time when you can smile again when you talk of her or hear her favourite song...I hope that time comes soon and that it brings peace of mind and an ease of the pain in your heart .

mumofmadboys Mon 15-Jan-18 22:49:48

Nordiazepam is a breakdown product from diazepam so there were three drugs present. Your daughter is now at peace , with no more mental torment ahead. I hope and pray that you too can know God's peace which passes all understanding.x

Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 22:51:09

Thank you all, I am truly sorry, I will get myself together , her daughter is 21 tomorrow. Oh how I loved my beautiful sunshine girl.

OldMeg Mon 15-Jan-18 22:53:19

Annie there’s no need to say you’re sorry, you needed to ‘talk’ and it’s a very brave thing to do. I’m sure I speak for many when I say, if you need to talk then you must post. No apologies for how you feel.

I can’t think of any words to say to take your hurt away, but what we can do is listen.

Though I agree it would be a nice thing to contact the man who tried to help x

SueDonim Mon 15-Jan-18 23:22:22

Oh Annie, I'm so sorry. The pain must be endless. Don't apologise. There's no need.

The drugs you mention; you'll know what paracetamol is. Diazepam is a sedative, paroxetine is a SSRI anti-depressant.

I've heard people who've attempted suicide say that it isn't that they wanted to die, it was that they wanted the situation they were in to stop and they didn't know how else to do that.


Cherrytree59 Mon 15-Jan-18 23:33:46

Annie any all I can send you and your lovely family is my love.
I hope and pray that one day will find peace xxx

MawBroon Mon 15-Jan-18 23:43:37

No forgiveness needed Anniebach the pain you are going through is unimaginable to anybody who has not been there. To have the experience raked over just now is like reopening a wound which has not even started to heal.
Guilt after any bereavement is a normal reaction so they say, and if I can be racked with guilt over all the times I omitted to tell paw I loved him, or decamped to the spare room to get some sleep instead of snuggling up to him -both of which I am, constantly, how much more does a mother bear when it is in every fibre of our being to “make it better” for our children.
We cannot ease your grief by any actions but be assured every one of us is right there with you whenever you need a spare shoulder flowers

Bellanonna Mon 15-Jan-18 23:44:16

Oh Annie, such a heartbreaking post from you. I really cant imagine how you must be feeling. I hope it helps in some way that your much-loved daughter had her special photos with her at that tragic time. She was remembering the times when she had been happy.
Could you find out who the man on the bridge was? It might help you to talk to him if this were possible. I do feel for you Annie, it’s so sad.
Sending you love x

Jalima1108 Mon 15-Jan-18 23:53:24

Annie there is no need to apologise for wanting to talk on here. Your daughter took all the photos of the people she loved most in the world as a comfort and to remember you all and how much you meant to her.

At some point it may be a good idea for you to contact the man, perhaps write a letter to him via the police or the coroner's office to let him know that you are grateful for what he tried to do as he must have been distressed that he was unable to help her and it could help you, too, to write to him and express your thanks.

Thinking of you flowers

Synonymous Mon 15-Jan-18 23:57:38

Dear Annie, no forgiveness necessary. You are much in our thoughts and prayers. flowers
There is so much official stuff to deal with that it seems never ending but it will come to an end.
Even if the police are not able to give you the man's name and address I expect they will forward to him any note or letter that you may want to send and he may even want to speak to you anyway. You just never know but it is entirely possible that he will possibly feel the obviously unnecessary guilt that he was not able to save her and by thanking him for his efforts you may well help him too.

WilmaKnickersfit Tue 16-Jan-18 01:01:26

Annie try being a little bit kinder to yourself.

I doubt the police will give you the man's address without his permission. I would ask the police to contact him and ask him what he would be comfortable with, but be prepared for him not to want contact with the family. The tragedy will have been a traumatic time for everyone involved. I hope he will agree to you writing a letter. Even if he is not, writing it might help you to grieve. flowers

Coolgran65 Tue 16-Jan-18 02:52:00

My heart aches for you. xx

Crafting Tue 16-Jan-18 03:39:49

annie we are always here for you. We would do more if we could. Others have said it all. Your daughter was loved and she knew it. All the photos were proof of that.
I pray for you to find some peace annie. x

NfkDumpling Tue 16-Jan-18 07:26:08

Annie you are the bravest of women. (((((hugs)))))

Perhaps it will be too much to talk to the man, but perhaps you could write to him. Leave the door open for a conversation later on or give him the opening to approach you.

kittylester Tue 16-Jan-18 07:26:19

Sending you lots of love Annie.

Do you have a nominated police contact who you can talk to about contacting the man. I'm sure it will help both of you.

Will you see your Dgd today?

eazybee Tue 16-Jan-18 07:46:03

It is right that you should thank the man who tried to help your daughter; he must be distressed and may need to talk to you to try and make sense of what happened. If he does not wish to talk, have a letter of thanks ready for the police to forward to him.
So much sorrow; you did everything you could to help your daughter.

Auntieflo Tue 16-Jan-18 08:25:51

Annie dear girl, what can I say? Just that you know that on here there are many helpful arms that will surround you and buoy you up when you are down. Being able to voice your worries is an ease for your sore heart and we send you our love and lots of {{{hugs}}} Keep on writing things down.

Suleman Tue 16-Jan-18 08:34:25

Annie, my heart goes out to you and you family. We are with you in your sorrows. All the love.

Nelliemoser Tue 16-Jan-18 08:43:05

Anniebach Big virtual ((((hugs)))) and love. You have been through so many difficult times. You have nothing to apologise for.

Iam64 Tue 16-Jan-18 08:59:51

Sending love and a virtual hug Annie. Guilt goes hand in hand with bereavement and I can only begin to imagine how you feel given the way your daughter died xxx

Anniebach Tue 16-Jan-18 09:07:28

I know what diazapan is prescribed for but nordiazapan as well, she was on both and poraxatene all with a repeat prescription .

I asked the mental health team for help, the day before she died I asked the support group for help. no, patient confidentiality, I respect this but when someone has a broken mind ? all last year was hell for her, and so was for me because her plans were getting wilder and wilder but they wouldn't talk to me , then she was dead and she was all mine to care for again.

When someone has dementia are the family told they cannot discuss treatment because of patient confidentiality ?

No, but my child had to live in a dark place alone because of patient confidentiality.

lemongrove Tue 16-Jan-18 09:18:31

They will never discuss with the family, and although patient confidentality is important, can that be the case (I know that it is in practice) with somebody as you say ‘in a dark place’ ?
I have a friend who can’t find out what her DS has to take or even if he actually takes it!
An awful situation for any loving parent.