DaisyHelen. I am so sorry you have lost your dear Mother. You must have been so close. I wish I could help lift the burden of worry from you about moving her to a different hospital. These things somehow hardly ever seem to work out exactly right. I really am sorry. I know people have suggested bereavement counselling. I think it can be good if the counsellor is good. Having a parent reach their 80s is a blessing but it also means they have been with you for such a very long part of your life and it is as if they leave and you have to face your own old age alone. My father died at 82 also. I loved him so much and am crying now as I mention him. But I know I am lucky I had him.
It does take time but gradually you will feel stronger. It is important to remember to eat well, I find that simple plain food is all I want when I am going through hard times. But do not forget to look after your health. If you find you cannot pick yourself up at all it might be worth a chat with your G.P.
Your own feelings and beliefs about death and religion can sometimes help at this time. I can honestly tell you that, even though I was brought up as a Christian child and sang in the Church choir, I did not have any very strong feelings or beliefs until an incredible thing happened to me.
I had just given birth to my first child. It had been difficult. It was in a "Maternity Unit" not a Hospital in a small market town and only straight forward deliveries were meant to be undertaken there. How they knew beforehand that the delivery would be "straight forward" I haven't a clue. My baby was born apparently dead. Suddenly my G.P. rushed in through a side door and started to work on her. I started to feel strange and asked if I had been given a drug. The Midwife, who was from an agency, said I had a retained placenta and my G.P. shouted "and PPH, put up the drip" to which she said she couldn't work the old kind they had there. The Doctor shouted "Stay with us" at me and rushed round the bed.
I went out of my body. I sailed up through a hole just above between my eyebrows in my forehead. I was floating in the top righthand corner of the room behind my right shoulder looking down at myself. I started laughing. I thought I looked much longer than I knew I was because I'd never seen my body before from a little way away. Then some"body" was beside me on my left and took me on a journey through what I thought was space. It was dark except there was a very bright extremely white pure light towards which we were flying very fast. As we drew nearer, there were other beings, mostly to my right and they all knew me! They were all so excitedly happy to see me! It was like a massive welcome crowd all so delighted I had come home! I felt incredibly happy! There was so much love everywhere and, as I said, everyone knew me and loved me so much! The bright light was so near now we were almost touching it. It overwhelmed everything. But it did not dazzle me. The love it was filled with made me cry but not with tears only with joy.
Then, suddenly and wordlessly, I was given a message: "Now is not the time". I was turned around and very fast whooshed through the dark space and back into the corner of the ceiling of the room and straight back into my body through the same way - the hole in my forehead.
It was now noisy and painful and frightening and the Doctor was shouting at me "Elle! Stay with us!" and I couldn't move at all. But my baby was breathing! My little girl had been resuscitated and was alive! That is why I was sent back!
For over a year - nearly two years, afterwards, I did not tell anyone. Even then I only told a few people what had happened when I went out of my body. Then a boy in the sixth form at our school was killed in a car accident. His parents were abroad. We brought them back initially to our house in the school. I had to write all of what had happened to me down so that the mother of the boy knew. I could not let her think of her son in the car dying at the side of the road. I had to tell her about the "being" (of course I think it was an angel) that came and collected me, the wonderful welcoming friends who knew me, and the immense love pouring out of this amazingly beautiful white light.
Now I am not in the least afraid of dying. Obviously I hope the bit before goes ok and isn't too horrible. But at least I know it won't last and that death is not an ending at all. It is the most wonderful, the most loving, the most perfect and welcoming, and the most Divine New Life!