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My husband has died

(84 Posts)
Kate8 Sat 29-May-21 23:56:24

My husband died on the 30th of April, he was 62 and I'm 56. We'd been married 28 years and I love him with all my heart. His name is David and he had been admitted to hospital 10 days before he died. His illness came out of the blue. We have 5 children and 9 grandchildren and we're numb. David's funeral is next Tuesday. I'm numb, I wasn't ready!

Hithere Sat 29-May-21 23:57:28

I am so sorry for your loss.

mokryna Sun 30-May-21 00:01:49

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. flowers

rubysong Sun 30-May-21 00:02:52

So sad, Kate. I hope your family are around to comfort and help you. May he rest in peace and may his memory be a blessing.

Nana3 Sun 30-May-21 00:04:16

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Kate8 and send my condolences. Such a terrible shock for you and your family.
There is always someone here for you if you want to keep posting.

Doodle Sun 30-May-21 00:04:43

Oh Kate I’m so sorry. I don’t have the words. Sincere condolences to your family. What a shock for you all flowers

Kate8 Sun 30-May-21 00:09:28

Hithere, thank you for replying, this is the first time I have been on here ( or any other online group) but I already feel among friends. I just can't believe I won't get to speak or see him again, David was the one I would turn to, he should be here .

Ro60 Sun 30-May-21 00:10:05

Dear Kate so sorry David is no longer with you. So young too.

'Life's not fair' - as my dear brother used to say...

Kate8 Sun 30-May-21 00:17:39

Oh thank you so much everyone. My family are wonderful, we really are lucky to have each other but I'm too young to be a widow! If someone had told me 5 weeks ago that David would not be here now I just wouldn't have believed them. I know everyone's situation is different but I would really appreciate advice from anyone in a similar position. Practical stuff I'm ok with its just the disbelief I'm struggling with, when I admit he's gone what the hell am I going to do!

Nana3 Sun 30-May-21 00:18:22

Hope your family are with you Kate. There's plenty of us here to talk to.

B9exchange Sun 30-May-21 00:20:26

Kate8 it must have taken courage to come on here, but I think everyone will be thinking of you now. Many on GN have been bereaved, some very recently, and they will want to give you all the support they can. Don't hesitate to reach out when the waves of grief are washing over you, or indeed if you just want a chat.

SueDonim Sun 30-May-21 00:34:52

I am so sorry, Kate8. Life can be very cruel. I hope you can find support amongst what sounds a lovely family. flowers

Dibbydod Sun 30-May-21 00:37:16

So sorry to hear of your loss Kate , know only too well how you feel as I’d lost my long term partner just over year ago and it’s still very raw . You have found a good place here as gransnet are very kind and understanding. ?

CafeAuLait Sun 30-May-21 00:38:37

I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

ElaineI Sun 30-May-21 00:49:20

So sorry Kate8. It is such a shock when this happens and not easy to cope or find support outwith family in these times of pandemic. My husband is 65 - he had a bad stroke - vertebral artery dissection in February. I had to leave him in AE as was not allowed in. He got home in 2 days then had another and I had to call paramedics - I could not go with him in ambulance but the 2 lovely paramedics let me say goodbye in the ambulance. He never cries but he did then and was heartbreaking. We thought that was it. We would never see each other again. My 3 children came to support me then DGC x 3 were brought later and TBH restrictions went out the window. DH survived and was in hospital for 8 days when I could not see him only pass clean laundry to nurses. He had iPad and could get messages and FaceTime but was upset doing that as he was the strong one and hates being weaker now. He has survived with deficits but I went through such grief when the news was not great and grief for our DGC 7, 4 and 3 that Papa may not be there or different, and also trying to support my DC and them me. I totally understand what you and your family are going through and I am in tears thinking about you all but you have a loving family and you will be there for each other - your grandchildren will get you through this but it is ok to feel numb and it is ok to feel sad, and it is ok to feel angry at everything and it is ok to feel overwhelmed at all there is to do. I have found it helps me and my children if I delegate things to them to do. My experience of death is that there is a lot to do, forms to fill in, things to arrange which keeps you going then wham, afterwards is when it really hits home. Be kind to yourself, accept help and let yourself grieve. My son gave me a diary to write my feelings in - never did this before but I am doing it and it helps - I don't hide what I am feeling. Over the weeks I can see signs of me feeling better now interspersed with the bad low horrible feelings. I don't know if this would help you but it has me. I am so sorry Kate x

3dognight Sun 30-May-21 02:14:15

So sorry for your loss Kateflowers
Keep posting if you feel able, there will be lots of support for you on here xx

Txquiltz Sun 30-May-21 04:37:02

Please accept my sincere condolences. He blessed you. With so many memories.

Esspee Sun 30-May-21 05:34:14

? So sorry you are going through this.

nanaK54 Sun 30-May-21 07:01:22

So sorry for your loss, sending kindest thoughts to you and your family flowers

Sara1954 Sun 30-May-21 07:07:19

So sorry Kate, what a terrible thing to happen to you.
When you have been with someone for a long time, they just become so much a part of your life, that it’s difficult to imagine how you can go on alone.
But I guess in time you will, be strong for your family, and let them help you.
Kindest regards

mumofmadboys Sun 30-May-21 07:08:49

I am very sorry for your loss Kate8. Be gentle on yourself. You will eventually be able to smile again.

Susan56 Sun 30-May-21 07:10:37

I am so sorry for your loss Kate.Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family?

FannyCornforth Sun 30-May-21 07:15:55

Oh Kate, you poor thing. My heart really goes out to you thanks

Ashcombe Sun 30-May-21 07:16:01

My heart goes out to you, Kate8 as you deal with your tragic loss. I hope that in time the beautiful memories you have of such a special man will help to heal the pain and sadness of your grief.

This is a wonderful forum with wisdom and kindness in abundance so I hope you will keep us updated on how you are. The daily “Good Morning” thread is recommended! ?

Kim19 Sun 30-May-21 07:20:03

Kate?I'm heart sad for you. 56 was also the age when I was widowed. Absolutely tragic but.... many years later I'm still here and not totally miserable. I have a reasonably happy and fulfilling life though nothing like the one I'd foreseen and hoped for. I have family and friends who are lovely. Cling to yours but don't be a burden. They're suffering too. My very best wishes go out to you. I'm so sorry ?.