Missing someone

NannaG4, I know exactly how you feel. I just carried on, tried new things met a lot of people, had a lot of holidays, lived a life, its never going to be the same. You make a different one but never forget what you had,

The balance between sharing feelings with friends and family and putting on that brave face so that you do not become someone to avoid is a hard one to strike and can feel quite cruel. Why should we always be pretending? But we know that in general people want to hear happy things and in the end it helps us to engage with cheerful uplifting activities and company.

I am sure all my friends .. kind people every one .. have assumed I am at peace with my loss... it is 4.5 years now ... they get no sign of sorrow from me. They are of course wrong. There are days when it hits me like a brick.
Sending hugs to all in the same boat.

I lost my son 40 years ago in December. I still miss him badly. I have 2 daughters and we are very close but they can never make up for him not being with us. Our family dynamics were forever changed when he died. I have lost other relatives and precious friends but no loss has ever been as bad as losing my son. Losing a child at whatever age takes bereavement to a whole new level. Hold your daughter in your heart, she will always be your daughter and you will always be her mother. I so feel for you please pm me if it would help.

NannyG4 i know exactly how you feel. Yes sadly we are far from alone and there are many who feel exactly the same. No matter how much you think you might understand this loss it’s not until it happens to you that you comprehend how completely alone you can feel even with friends and family.
I too can’t tell anyone how I really feel. Nothing anyone can do anyway, it’s just up to us.
Sending you a big hug, wish it could be in person x

Still crying, its going to be one of those days.......

Thankyou all for your kindness.

Doodle...... 💐💐

The isolation is terrible. Or the feeling of isolation.

www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line

This is for everybody, and you get straight through to a kind person.

NannyG4 - I hope today will bring some good moments to treasure.

Best wishes from me, too NannyG4.
I hope today is a better day for you, and if not, post again.

NannyG4 even after 20.5 years my grief for my husband has only gotten worse. You not only lost your husband but half of yourself. Together you made a whole. And the moment your loved one takes their last breath your present and future died to. In a second you are no longer classed as a couple but single and I hate it . To me I am still married still Mrs and will always be . It's very hard to think of I instead of us . The longer you have been a couple the harder it is . When the only person who knew the real you and you them dies it's frightening to realise no one will ever know the real you ever again . A long with everything you have to cope with this I still struggle with this . And it physically and mentally hurts.

Even after all these years grief gets worse and can be overwhelming at times but I don't fight the tears or the need to shout at my husband for leaving me alone .

I have said many times finding the one person who makes you whole is so precious and to love and be so loved in return has a price and that's the bone crushing grief we feel when they die. But I feel lucky to have had that, some people live their whole lives and never know such love and total understanding. Grief is the heavy price we pay for love .

And in my experience the grief gets worse as the years go by but given time and I mean years you learn to cope.

Don't fight your feelings as the only person you will hurt is you . I foolishly thought it had to be brave for everyone else. But I was 45 what did I know about grief . My husband is forever 47 he is frozen in time . We where a couple 29 years married 22.

Whatever life throws at us we coped together and it's hard suddenly having to cope on your own and making all the decisions. But it takes time and you have to build your confidence.

This goes for everyone but know you are not alone and on threads here others understand and know how you feel . 🌹

So sorry.

Thankyou to you ALL for your kind comforting words, it really does help and I do not feel as alone....
I've had a better day and then I feel guilty for that....one day at a time!!
Love to you all...

NannyG4 when I had a better day I too felt guilty as though maybe I was getting over things. I soon realised you need to take the good days as a little reprieve from the sadness and pain because all to soon another wave of sorrow will come along and knock you over again. As time goes on the waves don’t come along so often but when they do the force is just as.overwhelming. Be glad of the better days and store them up in your mind so on your next bad day you can think well I might have a better day tomorrow.
Don’t forget there are many of us who all feel the same and can understand just how you are feeling.

I lost my elder daughter five years ago aged 49. Less than two years later DH (my rock and soulmate) also died. DD2 and I supported each other through the whirlpool of grief and within eight months I had sold my home of 45 years and moved four hours away from everything and everyone I knew to be nearer to her. Living on my own in an unfamiliar town when I’m a country girl through and through took courage I didn’t know I had.

I worried about making new friends while carrying a huge slab of grief that I didn’t want to show but although it’s bloody hard work being somebody you don’t recognise I always felt DD and DH were cheering me on.

I did it!

They both walk beside me in my new life and my little home is my sanctuary where I can weep with my grief when it strikes me unawares. My focus is being the best mum I possibly can be to DD2 who has to go through life without her big sis by her side.

Love and thoughts for all on this thread going through the pain of loss.
Stay strong!

A courageous decision merlotgran.

merlotgran, courage indeed in the aftermath of such loss. Inspirational
I feel mr I walking with me as I try to build the best new life I can. I’m blessed with two daughters and grandchildren, they give me purpose focus and love

TwiceAsNice

I lost my son 40 years ago in December. I still miss him badly. I have 2 daughters and we are very close but they can never make up for him not being with us. Our family dynamics were forever changed when he died. I have lost other relatives and precious friends but no loss has ever been as bad as losing my son. Losing a child at whatever age takes bereavement to a whole new level. Hold your daughter in your heart, she will always be your daughter and you will always be her mother. I so feel for you please pm me if it would help.

What a lovely and wise comment.❤️Losing a child at any age is just the worst.

My husband died 48 years ago, we were only married 8 years,
I have so few memories . My elder daughter died nearly 7 years ago yes pain to another level, I had to try to stay strong, her children one graduated few months before, two in university

Not possible to find words to speak of the ache

Anniebach life can be very cruel and you have shown what a strong woman you are . Grief for a husband is a pain I understand. But for a child that must be unbearable at times.and wouldn't insult you are anyone who has a child died because I don't know that pain . But both your husband and daughter live on in your grandchildren and hopefully they gives you some comfort.

Annie I don’t know how you cope. Bringing up your children after your husband died and then your darling daughter too.
You’re right there aren’t any words that can adequately explain the pain.
I thought I was doing a bit better but today the loss swept over me again. I seem to come to terms with something only for a new thought to emerge that sets me off again. It goes round and round in my mind all the time. It’s only 17 weeks for me goodness only knows how I’ll manage years. I never knew such pain existed.
Thanks for your kind words Whiff

I still can’t cry for DH though I think I might feel better I I did, though I might not be able to stop. I miss our relationship all the time but feel I must not appear needy because that it so off putting to others. Not sure there is an answer but perhaps as time goes on the hurt will be buried deeper and not intrude so much. My admiration for those of you who have lost children is enormous because I can’t imagine how hard that is.

It will be three years next month since DH died and it still hurts so much. I only leave the house when family are with me, I need to rebuild my life but am struggling.

My husband died 10 years ago and I miss him every single day. It will have been our 57th wedding anniversary next week and together 60 years.

After he died, my life was completely different, I became a completely different person. The light went out of me.

My husband died almost four years ago, very suddenly from Covid. bigbopper you put it so well, “the light went out of me”, that really does sum it up for me. I’m a different person without him beside me. I think of him every day, and it’s taken all this time to start to remember the happy things we did together. Otherwise the horror of losing him was all I could think of.
On a more practical note I miss him so much when things go wrong in the house, he was very practical and could fix most things, now I have to find someone else to do the work.
doodle it’s still very early days, be kind to yourself and just go with the flow.
nannyg4 don’t feel guilty for having a better day, you deserve it after the bad days.
Thinking of you all.

Oh my goodness, so sad to read the pain some of you have experienced in losing both a child and your darling husbands.... So brutal.... Prayers for you all.
I'm trying to get out every day, but it's hard and get very nervous and tearful, I feel so alone..... theres no-one out there who loves me like my DH did, I felt so protected but now feel very vulnerable......
Its so comforting to be able to bear my soul on this thread... Thankyou and love to you all. ❤️💐