Advice needed on where to live now

My heartfelt condolences.

You know you want to move, so take the advice already given and start deciding where you want to move to. And don't put all your dependence on being near your son, as you have already wisely asked him, if he might want to move later on, and he was honest enough to know and say that he could not promise it would never happen.

You know you want a smaller property, so start now on the onerous task of deciding what of your present goods and chattels you are going to want, and what you either intend to throw out, denote to charity, or sell. And start getting rid of all that you know you will not want, and that your son does not want either. Anything he does want, either goes to h im NOW if you have no further use of it, or is written done as his future property. (This last only really applies if you have other heirs as well as him.)

Have your solicitor make out a provisional power of attorny, so your son or whoever you appoint is legally able to deal with your affairs if you should become unable to do so yourself. My husband had not given me one, and I know this sounds horrible, but had he lived longer than two weeks after he was no longer able to write or talk, we would have been in queer street.

Now is also the time to start thinking about whether you should update your will, and take out a pre-paid funeral plan for yourself.

As you find localities you think you might like, spend a couple of days, or longer in these towns, so you can find out the advantages and disadvantages.

Remember there may come a day when you cannot or should not drive, so don't buy a property at the back of beyond.

But please do not rush into moving.

I moved only 12 miles away after my husband died, someone older wrote and advised me to wait so I did. In the meantime I went to see many areas within a certain radius from where I lived.

I looked for a nice easy car park and a good public toilet. I got out of the car and made eye contact with people, some areas were so friendly that they were put on my list. The people who chatted with me, that made a difference. I found the area I wanted

Naturally, buses, a variety of shops etc. In my case there are no vape shops, nail bars, betting shops etc, all plus points. It has a quiet large churchyard that I could peacefully wander around while thinking and then I started the buying/selling process wrt the fact that I wanted a dedicated sewing room, easy garden, garage etc

So here I am, the selling/buying process started 3 years after my husband died, it took quite a few months then I moved during 2019. . I never did waste my time, I spent time, de-cluttering

I am in somerset, son is in Glasgow, one dd in wiltshire 25 miles away and one dd in wales 90 miles away. I think both dds will end up in Wales and that would then be my last move too. Same conditions though and including stairs to exercise my leg muscles for cycling in the Welsh countryside that I know so well

I would not live too close to any AC, they need their privacy too. I already know the area I would move to, having spent 43 years in that area

Sorry about your husband x
Don’t rush anything, but perhaps you could also move again should they move, or you would have made friends and have settled in that area ..if you do move near your son, join some groups etc don’t just rely on your son.
🌺

Get a little bungalow near your son. We did this with my parents years ago and it was great that they were so close. Remember boundaries with their house though - no popping in several times a week uninvited!

I've known people who have had lots of problems with macarthy stone type properties, both when they were living there and for their family after they died.
Just Google macarthy stone problems and you'll find lots of info from reputable. Sources.

Abnuyc123

I’ve been looking at retirement complexes. There are definitely drawbacks with costs. The monthly fees can be as much as £800, which is an awful lot of money. There are clauses as well where the company takes a cut wherever they can.

I’m going to give that plan a miss for now.

And don't even THINK about moving, costwise!

Thanks again everyone. I’ve been decluttering, as my DH left an awful lot of stuff to sort through. He was big on his hobbies. It’s been heartbreaking to find his notes and half done projects. He was very untidy, so it’s all very difficult. His paperwork was awful. I’m still finding letters in unusual places. He didn’t have a system at all.

lixy

Future proof yourself as much as you can, so look for somewhere with easy access to shops, bus routes, doctors’ surgery, post box. Somewhere in an area you like and has activities/places you are interested in.

Look critically at a property thinking about ease of access and upkeep.

Being close to family is lovely but, as you are clearly aware, that can change at the drop of a hat so has to be a happy extra rather than a basic criteria when looking to move.
Good luck with your search.

Commiserations for your loss.

Sound advice from Lixy. I would add though:
1. Take a little time and think about what you do have. I would move in an instant, but he will not. However, over the years I have learned what is around me, made a few friends, and know my support structure (docs etc) Moving any distance will need you to start again, which is less easy.

2. Now is perhaps the time to look around at U3A, Trefoil Guild, dancing classes, WI etc that you possibly did not have time for.

3. Do NOT opt for a village unless it has great public transport links - you do not actually know how long you will be able to drive. Get a big map and spend time to tick off those you know won't suit. How far do you want to be from son right now - yes, you do not need a daily check, but near enough for Sunday lunch, perhaps? Or do you want to pick somewhere that is on the coast, less than 1.5 hours away, so he can come for weekends?

4. You are probably a bit too young for a retirement property unless you are otherwise unwell. You can buy somewhere, pay as much as renting, and they are a devil to sell. Some are actually on the rental market because heirs cannot - so you might like to think about renting for a short while to see if it suits you.
Best wishes for your future.
(PS. Tell council to reduce your council tax)
My parents wen to look at one, and they were offered a job as site managers! Perhaps this is an option for you.

I'd agree that you don't want to rush into anything. Like you I wouldn't touch retirement properties, the companies make money when you buy, when you sell and when they charge you enormous management fees.
I chose an apartment (share of freehold) on a well managed estate where we're free to sell without fees. The management fees here are high but they do all the gardening, outside maintenance including decorating and, in our case, the heating is communal.
I also agree with others that it is important to find somewhere that is within easy reach of doctor, dentist, shops, chemist and ideally with reliable public transport. These are obviously harder to find in a village setting, though not impossible. I've chosen a more urban environment, where my daughter already lives. I know that she might move from her flat to a house if she can afford it at a later stage but there is a thriving community here so I am not reliant on her.
It's harder to find an easily=managed small house with a garden, though there are a few here. In most areas bungalows are like gold dust, and you might find that the garden is too large for you to manage at a later stage.
I think you were right to ask your family whether they might move. Did they say whether they would consider moving out of the area altogether? This would obviously be a blow for you.

Please, whatever you do, don’t even think about buying a McCarthy Stone property. They make broken promises and as soon as they’ve got your money, they don’t want to know and wipe their hands with you. Hope you find your happy place.

Jess20

I'd look at finding somewhere to live where the NHS is still functioning well. You might need them in future to stay fit and functioning.

That is like looking for a needle in a haystack. You need to know in advance what illnesses you are going to have.

We are in the catchment area for a world class university hospital. The Cardiac department are superb and are the reason I am still a wife and not a widow.

On the other hand my personal experience is of misdiagnoses that drove me into the private sector, failures in monitoring and I am so relieved to be moving away from the area.

They usually recommend not to make any big decisions for at least a year after a bereavement. I think it’s good advice and gives you room to breathe before doing anything .

25 miles isn't very far uou know.
What are the roads like?

I’m sorry to read about the loss of your husband.

As lovely as they are, I would think very seriously about moving into a retirement complex. I think COVID dealt them a very bad hand. Rightmove locally is full of apartments for sale. There’s one on there that’s been on the market since 2022, so some poor souls will have spent an awful lot of money on fees for that period. The companies take a chunk of money when they’re sold too!

I hope that you find your perfect home soon.

I am just under 20 miles from my mother-in-law.
It works for us.

Agreed

Definitely wait a year. And then think about transport links, what will happen when you can’t drive , can you walk to nearby shops, bus train etc. where are your friends? What are your activities , local groups?
I always said we’d like to retire to the Wye Valley from Sussex ( where we still are) but at my 50th birthday party , I realised that my friends and interests are here in Sussex so why would I move? Don’t rush to make a decision! Good luck !

I am exactly in the position you are my husband having died in January. I too don't want to stay where I am but don't know where to go and dread moving. I've been told to wait before I make any decisions but it's very hard to know what to do on top of trying to move forward making a new life for myself. I completely relate to how you feel so hopefully everything will become clearer in time.

I am very sorry your husband recently died. Give yourself time look after yourself and eat properly.
I must admit sitting in our sunhouse yesterday. I was looking at our house and thinking if my husband goes before me, where would I begin. I understand your dilemma you are not happy in your present home that's obvious. That should be your starting point take each step at a time. You have comprehensive advice here so I am sure you will be fine.

How near to where you live at the moment are your family? Would you be able to move to a small town near their village? I know you are relatively young but I am guessing that you would not want the upheaval of another move later on. If you are in a town, you will have access to medical services and public transport is generally better if you get to the point that you don’t want to drive. There is usually more to do in a town, too. Would there be a possibility of a bungalow? Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out well for you.

When my husband died four years ago I wanted to move too my house is too big for me but I do like it. The thing is with me it is close to shops, GP Surgery and Train Stations so I dont have that problem. So I think I am going to stay until I cant live alone anymore. However if I was in your situation I would wait a year and in the meantime make a list of pro's and con's of where and what type of home you want. Bear in mind that in a flat you will have a Lease Fee and Service Charges. Also in flats that are built for over 55's or more it is very difficult to sell them on when the time comes. Family have to continue to pay the lease etc and it sometimes takes a long time to sell.

My son lives 20 minutes away, which I think is perfectly fine. He talks of me living on the same street. He’s extremely caring and lovely and I really appreciate him. My DIL is just as caring and lovely. She’s asked me to go on holiday with them.

Firstly, condolences , secondly, take your time.

Try not to be reliant on others too much, do you like the village where your son lives? Does it have good transport links and everything you need?

Why not rent for a little while?

Good luck

Good advice CariadAgain.
Never forget that one doesn't own a view when buying house. Alas!!
We have looked over barley fields for 25yrs and now developers are ripping it all up to build hundreds of new builds! 😶

I think, in the past, renting was a good idea but honestly I don’t think it’s a good idea now, or maybe not even possible.

Rental properties are in short supply. The costs of setting up a rental are so high now that most landlords are looking for permanent tenants, not one who is only planning to stay for a year.
Rents are high - not much for under a £1000 a month for quite cramped properties. £12000 to £15000 a year on rent would go a long way to the cost of resale and a bought property would probably have increased in value to cover some of those costs too.

I was in the OPs position and bought a small new build terrace house. It gave me a project making it to my taste and finding out what I liked rather than the “we” compromise.
I think it could be quite depressing to live in a rental property on your own, not able to make changes in decor or facilities to make it your home.