Older Love

But if DH were to die I would own the house outright. If I then decided to marry someone else it would still be my house and, as long as I willed it to my children after the marriage, new DH would have no claim on it. Simple

Couldn't he contest the will if you'd been married for several years, though...? I know it's not very likely, but you never know!

I think there would have to be very good reasons for him to contest the will. Things like his own contribution to the home etc.

Actually Ana I couldn't imagine marrying anyone if I were widowed, let alone someone who didn't have anything of his own to bring to the marriage!

Absolutely!

Just found this tread. Now I know! I am half of an ELDERLY couple.
Although we don't snuggle up to each other buying a shirt in M&S but we get on well and are friendly and comfortable with each. And we have memories. We weren't always elderly.

There are lots of posts on GN about being old or more to the point of not feeling/being old. Now dorsetpennt has let us know just how old a couple who are in their 70s are.

I was never one to pretend to be still young but being called elderly on GN----Well! And I don't even have sweet face, though DH is distinguished. Still with hair and over 6ft tall.

Movedalot I suppose my concern is that if I died first and left my half of the house to DH, he might find someone else and decide to leave the house to her.

Or not make a will and then the house would go to her, as his next of kin.

Sometimes men get their head swayed by new partners.

Obviously there would be no problem if he willed the house to the children.

petallus

I was glad I owned half the house when my father got a partner for a few months.
As soon as she realised she could not get her hands on the house she slammed the door and left.
As far as Dad was concerned the relationship was not genuine and the fact she came back demanding the house after Dad's death illustrates she was just after the money.

Frank

Stating the obvious, but do I feel I have been around in a huge circle?

petallus this is a genuine worry and I have discussed it with DH. I have also spoken to DSs about it and suggested they remind DH should the situation ever arise. I can't think of any other way of covering it as I, like you, think that some men can be too trusting.

Movedalot

Just saying verbally your half of the house must go to your sons is not legally binding on your husband if you die first.
Unfortunately there are many ungenuine relationships with second marriages etc.
I did hear of I case where a man had to go in to care and did not have capacity to re write his will.
He had inherited his wife's half of the house and it was all willed over to his new partner.
I heard she never visited him when he was in care.
His only visitors were his children.
When he died she just claimed all of his assets and did not even attend the funeral.

Frank

So hunter if you have actually read my posts, what would you do?

Put in your will that your spouse has the house until his/her death, then it is to go to children, or the equivalent value in its place.

I knew someone who left his wife for a woman a bit younger than his children, then died a few years later. In his will he left the house to his children with the stipulation that his new partner could live in it for as long as she needed it.

I should imagine his children will have a long wait.

Movedalot i too have discussed the situation with DH. He is amazed that I could ever think he would do such a thing!!!

I am not quite so convinced.

The thing is Elegran I would like him to have the choice to move to something smaller if he needed to. If I were to die tomorrow he might live for another 30 years and find the house too big and perhaps need the money for a comfortable life.

I am sure a lawyer would be able to help you to draft a will which covered all these eventualities, but kept things out of the hands of "adventuresses" and their families.

I did ask that question when we made our last wills and apparently it is not possible. Alongside things like choosing to be buried or cremated.

Movedalot

I don't think there is any perfect solution as you never know what is round the corner.
You said you would like your husband to have the choice of being able to move to somewhere smaller.
If your children own half the property they may not agree to it and if he had the power to do this he could move and spend the surplus proceeds on an "adventuresses" and her family.
All I can say is my mother leaving half of the house to me worked well in our case but she never expected my wife to pre decease her at the time the will was made.

Wills can not cater for every eventuality.
One case which I know had to go to court was a house which was subject to a compulsory purchase order and the house was partially held in trust for the children who were about 14 and 16 at the time.
This was unexpected as the house was about 30 years old.
I know the house was demolished and the father moved with the children to a new house about the same value.
Presumably the court had to make an order to put the children in an equivalent position had the house not been demolished.

Frank

Could we perhaps rename this thread? It seems to have more to do with money than love.

gracesmum

I agree with what you are saying.
I have overheard conversations on a few occasions now where a woman has said that they have met this man with a lovely house but the problem is the son / daughter owns half of it and they live in it.
The other person has said words to the effect that if the father gets married the house goes back to him and the son / daughter has to leave.
The harsh reality is if the son / daughter is a half owner they will not leave and if necessary they will take legal action to get their half.

Frank

I agree with you gracesmum. I thought it was a thread about people still being 'in love' in old age, not worrying about who gets what when one person dies. The solution is, of course not to have too much to leave behind, then there would not be a problem. Should I die before my husband, I just hope that he will manage to live a full life without me, and if he should find someone to maybe fill the gap, then I would be happy for him. He will not of course have a clue about the money side of things, but then he has worked hard all his life for the things he now has, and they are his (and mine at the moment!) to do with as he wishes. It's a harsh world out there, and it is impossible to account for all eventualities, but hopefully true love wins (Oh! I am such an old romantic at heart - and you can tell that to the fairies).

PRINTMISS

I can see what you are saying.
I do know of a few cases including mine where I went back to live with my father after my wife passed away at his request. He was left in a 4 Bedroom dethatched house on his own and I had early retirement in London. He lived in Sutton Coldfield.
I had inherited my mothers half of the house so was a half owner and had a legal right to occupy the house.
A woman befriended him and after about 18 months she wanted me to leave with Andie the dog who was jointly owned by Dad and myself.
Dad just jumped in and said this was not going to happen and she left.
Obviously if I had been forced to leave it would have been very unfair as I had spent about £50,000 on the house for various improvements / repairs at that point.
I did find it strange she stayed with Dad as she knew the ownership situation with the house and she said she did not like dogs at the end.
Dad had a dog before he was born and he told me he had only lived in a house without a dog for about 4 weeks at the most so it was clear he was a doggy person.
When our previous dog died I was going to mention about getting a new dog a few days later.
Our previous dog died in the afternoon and Dad said he wanted a new dog before bed time.
We went out in the morning and we came back with Andie in the afternoon.
I think he could tell there had been a previous dog but somehow I think he realised what had happened as he loved us straight away.
We did tell him but I don't think he could understand, He settled in very quickly.

Frank

Well I still love DH after 45 years!

Ditto Movedalot (not yours of course).

How do you define love?