Rude Songs!

I'm Popeyes's sailor man
I live in a caravan.
There's a hole in the middle
Where I do a p---le
I'm Popeye the sailor man

Also
Red, white and blue
You dirty kangaroo.
Sitting on the lamppost
Doing number 2

My version of Auntie Mary had a canary was:
When she farted
Down it darted
Down the leg of her drawers

Our version was
Auntie Mary had a canary, up the leg of her draws,
When she was sleeping, I was peeping, up the leg of her draws.

The favourite of my primary school:

Sinbad was a sailor
His father was one too
Sinbad went to heaven
His father went to -

- Helensburgh Castle
High upon a rock
If you want to go there
You have to show your -

- Cocktails
Ginger beer
Seven p a glass
If you do not like it
We’ll shove it up your -

- Ask no questions
Tell no lies
That’s how Sinbad
Got to paraaaaaadiseeeeee

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it was so silly
She threw it up into the air
And caught it by its -

- Willy was a sheepdog
Lying on the grass
Along came a bumblebee
And stung him up the -

- Ask no questions
Tell no lies
That’s how Willy
Got to paraaaaadiseeeeee

The Ball of Kirriemuir

MawBroon, Far be it for me to confess to having a "delicate disposition", so I was conned into having a look, but I couldn't understand a word of it.
My ears must have re-programmed to Strine over the years.
Could you please post subtitles (in English), or a dubbed version, just as they do with foreign films on TV down under.? Thank you!
OoRoo

I daren’t Rufus !
In fact after I had posted it, I had very second and even third thoughts about doing so

Try Googling The Ball of Kirriemuir translations, Rufus You will find translations of not just one but several different versions.
There is also a mostly-comprehensible-to-sassenachs recording on www.youtube.com/watch?v=y64uWjtSKAo of Kenneth McKellar (his White Heather Club appearances were beloved by respectable matrons) singing an X-rated version. But the first photo on that Youtube clip is actually of Andy Stewart

Sorry, I've just followed Mawbroon's link and found that I have posted the same one. Should have read previous posts properly first.

I used to love Andy Stewart, I showed a photo of him to my cousin showing how similar they looked, she wasn’t very happy about that.

Used to sing all the rude ones
The ball of
The engineers hymn
The engineers song
I stood on the bridge at midnight
And many more.

I think it comes from being a medical student married. To an engineer, and spending a little time in the union bar.

Well what a raunchy lot we Gransnetters are. I do confess to knowing the words of quite a few of those songs, as well 'Twas on the good ship Venus' etc.

What about that little ditty “Hitler has only got one ball.....”

My mother always used to say that a dirty mind was a constant joy

I cane gone from s hool aged 11 sin ging 'Lady of Spain I adore you, take off your clothes I'll explore you' - my parents were scandalised!

I learnt the worm song in the Guides too.

I also use to sing 'oh Sir Jasper do n5it touch me' to the tune of Glory glory hallelujah' where each subsequent verse the last word was left off until you got to Oh Sir Jasper Do, then Oh Sir Jasper! OH SIR! OOOH! I thouht it hilarious.

Then there was the Foggy foggy dew.
My brothers used to recite:
Hark hark I hear thunder
Must be the peas I ate last Sunday
Quick quick, open the lav door
Too late too late, done it on the floor.

Also: A little birdie flying high
Dropped a message from the sky
Ugh said the farmer , wipung his eye
I'm jolly glad that cows don't fly!

All these are faily innocent schoolboy/girl humour!

I daren’t Rufus !
In fact after I had posted it, I had very second and even third thoughts about doing so blush

MawBroon; Don't bother with translations. I followed Elegran's advice and copped it all in stereo! Why didn't you count to ten? You would then have avoided waking my long - time dormant memories (nightmares?) of suffering endless TV programmes of those kilted Scotch song and dance performers.
There must have been a serious shortage of quality progs. in those days.
I drink to your health. Cheers

What’s your problem Rufus?
What do you mean “count to ten””?
Elegran and I posted the same link of Kenneth McKellar singing thatsong.
Last time I try to do you a favour.

Then there is The Threshing Machine. I also remember The Foggy, Foggy Dew.

Ah, the advantages of a university education!

What about that little ditty “Hitler has only got one ball.....”
Gillybob; What about it then?

Come on girls! {I notice there are no men!)
You've got very poor memories or you're holding back for fear of offending my sensibilities.
After a sheltered life I'm now eager to learn new stuff and where else could I expect to find such erudite teachers?
So put your memories to the test.
Cheers

Surely you know that one Rufus!
Hitler has only got one ball
Goering has two but his are very small
Himmler is very simmler
But poor old Goeballs has no balls at all!
Sung to the tune of colonel Bogey

Does anyone remember:

She wears her silk pyjamas in the summer when its hot
She wears a flannel nighty in the winter when its not
But I like it in the autumn when the leaves begin to fall
When she sleeps between the lily white sheets with nothing on at all!

Singing I will if you will , so will I etc

seems to be bringing back a lot of happy memories!

‘Where was Moses when the lights went out
Down in the cellar with his shirt hanging out!’

Where did all those ditties come from?

Last time I try to do you a favour. What’s your problem Rufus?

Not you Maw (may I call you that seeing that we are still friends?)
That Scotch duo were, and still are. Not sure if they are still with us, but not even worth bothering Dr. Google at this time of night.
Counting to ten is my recipe for making sure I mean what I'm about to say is really what I want to say and you came across as regretting what you'd done after the event.
Sorry if I've misread your OP.
Now I'm off for some shut-eye with your reprimand still ringing in my ears. It's now Sunday, but I won't get down to the cafe just yet as being too early upsets some people. I'll count my blessings instead and hope I don't dream about those kilts.
Good Health

How about : magic moments

Remember the night I fell in the shite
I had my best suit on
The one that I got from saving a lot
Of embassy coupons

Then just for a laugh we went to the park and pissed on the flowers
You sat on a rock
And played with me c*ck for hours and hours.....

Magic moments when our two hearts are sharing , magic moments filled with love

There’s a lot more.

gilly!!

Mrs McGuire peed in the fire,
The fire was too hot, she peed in the pot,
The pot was too wide, she peed in the Clyde,
And aw the wee fishes swam up her backside.

*****

McTavish had a wee bit dug,
Oh my, but it was braw.
It lifted up its wee bit leg, and peed against the wa’.
And when it saw the steam rise up,
It thought it was a fire.
So it lifted up its wee bit leg,
And peed a wee bit higher.

I hope this thread ends up in a newspaper.