Did your parents have a favourite child?

It was definitely my sister, she is 10 years younger than me (there are only two of us) so was always the baby, in need of more attention.

There are three of us and we all thought someone else was the favourite!

I think I do more for my middle child because I find her harder to like, and I feel guilty. It has never occurred to me that the other two might think she’s my favourite .

I am the eldest of three and was a 'mistake'. My mother was 17 when she became pregnant with me and married my father. I have always felt I was a nuisance. I can remember being palmed off onto my grandparents a lot of the time. My parents went on to have two boys, 6 and 8 years younger than me. The youngest is the favourite and the middle comes a very close second but only because he lives overseas now and they rarely see him. Funnily enough he couldn't get far enough away. It is actually really upsetting to remember the disparity in how we were all treated. Silly things like my brothers always getting a lift to their private school, me walking and getting the bus to my state school. My mother always going to their parents evenings but not mine. The boys being taken on expensive holidays, me being left with grandparents. Christmas presents. Affection. My youngest brother ended up getting expelled from school and has had more false starts at a career than I've had hot dinners, always propped up by my parents. Even now, he is mid 50s, with a partner and daughter, and lives in a house provided for him by my parents. He ingratiates himself with my parents at every turn and they think he is wonderful.

I’m the eldest of four, 2 boys and two girls. The younger two siblings were born 7 years and 15 years after me and my 2 year younger brother. They are the favoured pair. My sister especially who both parents adored and could not do enough for. She went to Cambridge and read History (my favourite subject) I was told I could only go to university if I did a useful subject that led to a job like medicine, vet, dentist etc and I was not scientifically academic.

All 4 of us were packed off to boarding school, I was not at a very kind one but was told to get in with it. My sister was allowed to choose her school.

It unfortunately led to my elder brother and me cutting ourselves off from the younger sister who couldn’t (and still doesn’t understand ) we try now but there is no connection.

My father died 5 years ago, I don’t miss him. My mother aged 89 is still around and I do go and help out weekly but out of duty. My sister, to be fair, does a great deal of the nurturing side of looking after her, but she has no children.
Now my mother tells me she loves me and is so lucky to have me. It would have been lovely to hear when I was younger and so needed my mother.

I was the only child of my parents. I married and had a boy first then a girl. My parents had no favourites but my husbands parents and his older unmarried sister definitely favoured our son - the first born - and it was blatantly obvious to us and our daughter. She always felt she was treated differently to her brother. Now my husband’s parents have passed but his older sister still basically dotes on our son, but can’t understand why our daughter will never have a normal relationship with her aunt. Sad really.

I am the youngest of four, two sisters and a brother. I have to admit that I was my mum’s favourite. I was the most like her in looks and personality. Sadly my father dies when I was a toddler, this affected my siblings (especially my elder sister) more than me as I have no memory of him. My Nana came to live with us and she always favoured my brother.
I was the only one who stayed in the area and lived with Mum until I married at 25. I remember my sisters moaning that Mum was more lenient with me than she had been with them. I agreed but on one occasion (I was going away with my then boyfriend) reminded my sister that I was 24, she had wanted to do the same when she was 16. Mum told me she had never worried about me but had had many sleepless nights with the others.

This is a sad thread in many ways. No child should be a favourite, all children should be treated the same. I was one of three girls and my mother always said she treated us all the same (which she did and so did my father) and never had a favourite. She said she had always smacked us the same! Well this was the 1950's!

I'm not surprised that there's been so many responses to this thread. My older sister was definitely my mother's favourite. She emerged as a clone of my mother, was pretty, loving and well behaved. I came along and was a different prospect! I think, given hindsight, (and modern contraception) my mother might've stopped at one golden child.

Throughout our childhood, she tried to convince us that I was my father's favourite. There was no favouritism on his part. He was scrupulously fair but imaginary slights are still remembered to this day, especially by my younger sister.

This inevitably shaped who we are today but I grew up my own person and I don't resent anything my mother did. She was a human being, with human faults, shaped by her own upbringing, as we all are. My younger sister has come off worst. She struggled between rebellion and bending over backwards to please.

I am the middle one of 3 girls. All three of us feel that the others were more favoured.
I once met a woman doing her Christmas shopping. She had several grandchildren to buy for. They each got £20 spent on them except for the eldest. He got £100, 'because he's the firstborn'. I asked why that made any difference, and she just kept saying 'because he's the firstborn'.
You'd think she was landed gentry, where the rules of primogeniture applied. But she lived in a council house.
Very strange.
Poor lad, besides being spoilt rotten is going to have some very jealous siblings and cousins, growing up to dislike him.

I was definitely the UNfavourite child. I don’t remember any hugs, or kisses from my Mother. My brother was allowed to go to College but I wasn’t. For his 21st birthday he had all the relations there at a plush restaurant, for mine I had just my parents in a sub-standard restaurant with penny slot machines on the walls. My Mother liked boys ad they brought more money into the house!!!

It makes me so sad to read the comments. My mother certainly has a favourite child-my brother who is the youngest of 3. She was desperate to have a boy after my sister and I and made it so obvious. There are many stories I could tell. I was my fathers favourite my poor sister (rip) didn’t get a look in from either of them. Consequently I vowed not to have 3 children due to seeing how awful life was for her growing up. I’ve two lovely adult children a son and daughter and two grandchildren again one of each who I love dearly. I’ve had counselling to try to deal with the stuff my mother did both as a child and an adult but still live with the effects x

I love this question. Yes! I was the favorite, but I didn't know until I read my mother's journals after her death. Sadly, my elder sister also read the journals and was really hurt by it. The reason that we didn't know is that you'd have never known by my mother's actions. Our parents were always helping my sister and often it seemed had very little time for me. I actually made a habit of getting up at 3 am in order to have time with Dad. Mom always made me redo my sister's chores saying she didn't do it as well as I did, etc. But, I am glad they didn't do for me and I was made to do things on my own. Fast forward to today, my sister is borderline homeless almost her entire life and has in fact been homeless three times in her life. Drugs and alcohol have ravaged her body and I even bought a house for her to live in or she would be homeless today with her child. So, while it warmed my heart to find out that my mother really did love me, it breaks my heart that they handicapped her by helping too much.

I was the eldest of 3 girls. The youngest was my parents favourite right up to their dying days. The middle sister was the one who always took what she could get. When my parents had to go into care, it was me called home to fire the bullets and get them into care. What happened then, both younger sisters sat back and no help whatsoever to sort and clean their house. I live on the other side of Australia to them. The day the house was sold, my sisters couldn’t be bothered to fill me in on what was happening with the parents. I had to read about my fathers death on fb and then when mum died I was told 2 days after the fact that she had died and they would let me know of funeral details. That never happened either, I had to ask an auntie to be told the funeral had already been held. The parents wills, had both sisters as executors and I could have a say if I lived within the same state as my parents. Well that wasn’t going to happen. My mother was the absolute b...ch and my 2 sisters have become her. I haven’t spoken to them from the day I was told mum had died. When I did get my inheritance, with no offer of anything that my parents had kept, I split it between my own 4 daughters. Their grandparents hadn’t given them anything ever but doted on their other grandchildren, so I told my daughters to spend it and have lots of fun. I don’t have a favourite daughter because of the way I was treated by my parents.

My elder sister Jenny was definitely Mum's favourite as she was always refered to by Mum as 'My Jeniffer', my poor Dad spent his life trying to making me feel wanted and loved . It was years later when they had all died that I discovered that Jenny was only my half sister and my Mum and Dad had marred when she was 5. No one thought I was important enough to be told the truth!! I think my Dad though I had a very unhappy childhood and I think I would agree with that sadly .

I am the eldest of 6 girls the one after me was mums favourite and sadly became a right nasty pasty when she wanted my next sister was born with spina bifida and her life has been spent in and out of hospital it’s not until quite recently I’ve learned that no2 was really jealous of the fuss made of 3 I ask you the poor thing has had more surgeries and procedures than anyone I know and has been at deaths door more times than I dare to count no4 and 5 where largely brought up by our grandparents because of no3s health but didn’t have any issues then along came no6 there was quite an age gap between her and 5 and she was a bit put out by this new arrival ? it turns out I was dads favourite although I didn’t know until he died my sisters all told me that he thought the sun shone out of me. I’m glad I didn’t know I might not be the person I am today if I had.

My sister was the favourite. I was born unwanted in June 1945 exactly 9 months after my parents were married, and when my mother was just 22. She said she didn’t enjoy any teenage years because of the war- she was 16 when it started- and when it was over she was a mum. Not my fault, I think. Among other things, she forgot she had me and left me outside a bakers shop in my pram and let me fall off a table at 6 weeks old. I could never do anything right for her.
My sister, born 3 years later, was wanted and was treated very differently.
Apart from the hurt, it affected my life practically. For example my sister received coaching to get into the ‘right’ school and so got a better education than me.
At least she acknowledges she was treated differently which is some consolation

My older sister was my mothers favourite. My mother placed great importance on looks. My sister had curly hair, whereas mine was straight, with a fringe. God, how I hated that fringe. I grew up listening to her singing my sister's praises all my life. It then included my sisters children. My mother could not see how hurtful she was being.

Naming no names, MIL appeared to prefer F, he was indulged and got more help, financial and practical, nicer and more expensive presents, U was largely independent. It was often felt that if F were drowning she'd jump in to save him - but would shrug her shoulders if it was U, "he'll be all right." Years later we found out that U was her favourite - she'd bent over backwards to hide her dislike of F. This apparent favouritism did him no favours - he never seemed happy or content with his lot.

She and F were domineering, bossy and 'always right' and both wanted to be top dog. You can't have two egos sharing the spotlight peacefully, can you? Years later when U died too young MIL had to rely on F to get about, shopping etc and it was impossible for them to share a car journey without a disagreement. A psychiatrist would have had a field day.

So sad for all those who felt "second best" to siblings, some genuinely sorry stories here of parental bias. I do wonder though if sometimes our perceptions of favouritism reflect notions we carry from a childs point of view rather than an adults. I could cite a number of occassions when my brother received 'preferential' treatment.....private education being one.....but have always recognised that we are different characters with different needs and the parenting we received reflected that. I never felt less loved. My own daughter would say her brother is the favourite but I can assure you both are loved equally and we are proud of the adults both have become.

I am the eldest, having two brothers and a sister. We all had a phase of being the favourite as there were almost four years between each of us. At 7, I went to live in the country for a few months with an aunt, after I had been ill. On my return it was blatantly obvious that both parents were weak individuals who should never have married and over the next few years I really took over the reins making decisions not just for myself, but for the others. At 18 I managed to get a house and moved us (the children). Meantime mum and dad split. She re-married and had a little girl. I was 25 by this time and my mother then came into her own. My half sister is a delight still and was a joy to our mother. Amongst my two brothers and full sister, it is that first sister who is the favourite of us all. For my mother, she admired me, but had no love in her life at that time to give.

Whilst I can’t say that either of us was the favourite, my parents certainly favoured my sister in many ways because she had health problems. She got away with things.
When I was about 9 I remember my Gran asking my Mum ‘why don’t you ask J to do that? ‘ Mum replied that she refuses, or that I do it more reliably or more promptly. So I got given more tasks to do.
Later, my parents always had my sister at Christmas, and only after she went into a Home did I get them to come to my house.
I can’t say I was jealous, as my life has been so much more rewarding than my sister’s and I have worked hard and fought my own battles.

I always been told it was me. The youngest child, youngest grandchild on both sides and the only red head lol. To me, I got all the hand me downs, clothes, toys, etc and I only got a brand new bike when I was 14 and fashionable clothes when my sisters got married and left home so there was more money for things for me and then I was told constantly I was spoilt and my parents favourite.

I can't really relate favouritism to my own upbringing as I was brought up separately from my siblings, though perhaps that was a sort of favouritism in itself as, being an 'only' child, I had a more indulgent childhood than they did.

But although we never favoured any of our three sons my mother most certainly favoured our eldest from the moment he was born. She thought we should be content with just one child so when our 2nd son arrived two years later she was very critical of him, saying he was too chubby and why was he blond and he was nothing like his lovely brother! You can imagine her reaction when we had a third son three years later. Shock and horror, what were we thinking of! Whenever she visited she made a huge fuss of our eldest, bringing him gifts and giving him money and openly saying he was her favourite, but treating his brothers as an afterthought. Our youngest didn't seem to notice this, but our middle son did. He was polite and friendly to my mother but avoided her by going to his room. He asked why Nanny didn't like him. He became rather introvert, which sadly stayed with him till recent years. I didn't try to compensate for this unfairness in material ways, but I was always more protective of him. I, of course, challenged my mother about her behaviour and asked her to treat all the boys the same. Her opinion was the eldest child should be the most important in the family as they would be the one to care for you when you got old. How selfish is that! And I knew that was how she saw my role in her life, it didn't happen.

My mother's attitude was probably the result of her own upbringing. She was the eldest of two sisters, a bit plain, shortsighted and not very academic or creative. Her sister was the opposite and their mother's favourite. And, yes, my mother lived with and cared for her parents until they died.

We don't have any favourites amongst our grandchildren (natural or stepGC) and I hope we treat them all the same and love them equally.

Yes my brother was the favourite with my mother. There where three of us. Brothers number one and two and me the baby. As far as my mother was concerned brother number one could do no wrong. He was highly intelligent which she raved about yet when he left his grammar school he dropped out of going to university but still could do no wrong. He liked a drink but she would accept that he was an alcoholic even when told by her sisters. He was disdainful to her until the day she died. Unfortunately since she has passed he has died of malnutrition due to his alcoholism, brother number two has a good life and all the trappings and I gained a 2.1 degree at the age of 63 (the only one in our family at that time - she had written me off well before she died). I have two DC and although they are not perfect with one in particular causing us a lot of pain in the past I could never put one above the other. Love them to bits.

My sister thought I was the favourite and vice versa. My younger sister got all the affection, got away with murder and my Mum was always nice about her to me but horrible about me to my face. I still think she was the favourite but I do think that my Mum can never pay a compliment to us personally but will sing our praises to others.