Daughter just uses me

crazyH

Misty - they are all the same - daughters I mean and children in general……Take their Mothers for granted. You’re not alone

Nope. Neither of my children has ever, not once, taken me for granted in this way. Presumably I have just been extremely fortunate?

Let it go. There's more to come. Sadly.

Misty007

Is this the same daughter you have been having a rocky relationship with in the last 17 years?

Just to add, I feel privileged to be ‘taken for granted’ by my children, although it very , very rarely happens. Isn’t it a mother’s duty to be there, for her children ? Maybe, it’s because I am divorced, stay-at-home, and don’t have a life 😂

Welcome to my world. My daughter lied and cheated her way through my life, she involved me in her Benefit Fraud, using my house, phone number, and my address. When I finally stood up for myself, she stopped me seeing my grandchildren. My granddaughter was ten, my grandson was 4. Read my full horror story: My House: a memoir on Booksie.com

Tell her you are DISAPPOINTED in her not letting you know. Tell her you could have used that day (if you had known it was going to be free) for meeting a friend or shopping or any number of things. What she doesn’t realise is that we older people have lives too which are just as important as theirs . G chn grow up- they don’t need us as much but make a weekly date to pick her up from nursery or school so that you build up a good relationship with her that will last .

I can’t claim I was exactly in your boat Misty007 because my daughter had told me GS would be at playschool that day, only I had completely forgotten and I, a roughy toughly Ed-matelot, was actually crying when I realised that, that particular phase was almost over. Silly I know, he is having a lovely time and I still DO see him frequently, but it is a shock, and deeply depressing so I know exactly how you feel

This is such a frequent complaint. The people you complain about are your children.

Where did they learn how to behave?

Primrose53 I agree, so many excuses given for young people nowadays as if they are the only generation who have had children and needed to work.
The OPs DD has behaved abysmally, bet she didn't hang back taking up the free childcare provided up until now. Who delivered/collected the child. Plenty opportunity to have even a quick chat about the additional free pre school day. No wonder Misty007 feels used.

When we feel people are taking advantage of us we are the only people who can change that. The feeling of hurt is horrible but will happen again unless you put some markers down for the future.

I know how you feel believe me. How would you feel if you had been used as the Bank of Mum, paid out for umpteen things for a grandchild and the parents plus £1k a month for 15 months to help with the rent, only to be told now you are a narcissist and in need of mental therapy, totally ignored, sends presents to the grandchild every couple of months with no acknowledgment. Never brought up to be so rude and ignorant but that is what happens when a small child's father dies and is then overindulged to compensate. That is the only thing I can imagine why.

Where did they learn how to behave? not necessarily from their parents Shinyredcar.

Your daughter seems to be socially unschooled. Did you never teach her to consider other people's feelings?

Smileless2012 true, however, there are many on here that will take credit when their children have achieved in life, are kind people, have good manners or are great parents.

Yes that's also true Theexwife but that doesn't mean they take all the credit. We have no control over the decisions and choices our children make when they're adults, good or bad.

Be grateful she's still here to use you , I wish my daughter was❤️

I don’t buy that youngsters are busy these days, your grandchild’s parents are well aware who was looking after their child once a week for three years, it’s plain rude not to tell you that this would be happening, I looked after my grandson too but my daughter was always respectful and informed me of any changes both parents were busy and still took work home from their days jobs it didn’t stop them telling me when changes arose, I can understand you feeling hurt, you say that it happened with her partners mother too, it’s obvious that’s how they as parents do things then.

Sad to hear that, I’m sorry to say but I wouldn’t be so quick when she wants something again, fill your time with something for yourself, have a day with a good friend or join a hobbies group … your daughter has acted very out of order.

What strikes me are the lengths we go to (self included) to desperately ensure that we are and we remain to be part of our adult children’s life. But so often it just does not happen. And not a chance of it ever happening. Sadly. All this nuclear family stuff is a load of b…..ks. Of course if we ever dare to refuse, distance, heaven forefend create our own lives from the start we are inevitably castigated as selfish and worse. Am reading a novel about a large 3 generation English family living together in very large house. It’s so joyous. In spite of disagreements. Reading it is my go to place when in need of cheering up. Which at the moment is often. Generations should live together. Think of the savings made on social care. But of course we will not. We are all individuals. Until we are not.

I would like to add that not all adult children treat their parents like that, in my opinion they aren’t all the same none of our four children are like it

So sorry you feel like that is seems unfair to you but life never is fair . I can’t see my lovely family all the time but when we see each other it’s very loving and kind . Maybe best not too see too much all the time of them so you get dependent then feel let down - this is something my sister has not grasped and I can see some trouble and distancing ahead for her .

I truly empathize with you. I know how it hurts. Often, I wonder if this might happen to my daughter, that her daughters will behave the same way one day. My daughter's sister lives with me and we are so honest with one another. Her younger sister is married, to a wealthy man and so they get to go wherever they wish, they want for nothing (except good manners, it seems) Now with 2 children, it's such a crazy busy house. We used to be involved with everything they did, were there to care for the 2 grandchildren, when the wanted time to themselves. They used to come for sleepovers too. The four of us are so compatible (my live-in eldest and the 2 grandchildren). Now, she never returns calls, we don't know what is happening with them and the children. We used to spend Christmas, visiting each other. This has not happened for at least 3 years. I am sure the 'girlies,' as we call them, must wonder too. Sad indeed, and so very thoughtless, never to return calls. I never realized until now, that she only ever called when husband was away or when she needed a shoulder. Good luck..to both of us!

We cannot tell someone to 'let it go.' The same way we should never say, "don't cry." Crying has good purpose. It is okay to cry. We are all individuals. We don't all do/feel or react the same way and each case is uniquely different. When anyone is unloading their sorrows, by talking about what hurts them, we must allow them the right to speak. If we have not supporting words, or don't wish to support then, then we ought to say nothing. That's all.

you are right, Yorkslass23

Yorkslass23

We cannot tell someone to 'let it go.' The same way we should never say, "don't cry." Crying has good purpose. It is okay to cry. We are all individuals. We don't all do/feel or react the same way and each case is uniquely different. When anyone is unloading their sorrows, by talking about what hurts them, we must allow them the right to speak. If we have not supporting words, or don't wish to support then, then we ought to say nothing. That's all.

Correct.

Not everyone feels the same, best to just accept we're different.