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Scared of the motorway

(105 Posts)
Leonora1 Wed 01-May-24 17:27:10

Hi all
I'm 62 and a driver of over 30 years. I'm confident and able but have an irrational fear of driving on the motorway. Due to the rail strike I've now agreed to drive to visit family in the south (I'm in the northconfused) which is a drive of about 6 hours on my own. My partner can't come due to looking after our dog who we can't take. I'm already nervous and anxious. The problem I have is fear of taking the wrong exit or slip road or not merging lanes in time and losing my way. I'm embarrassed by this fear but really want to conquer it. Any words of wisdom for me? blush

CanadianGran Wed 01-May-24 17:30:23

Just remember that if you do end up taking a wrong exit, that you can carry on then backtrack.

Do you have a cell phone with google maps? Get familiar with using their directions; it's brilliant. Try it a few times in your local town; input the grocery store or location across town to practice.

Commonground Wed 01-May-24 17:56:02

I live in a county with no motorways and very few dual carriageways. In the ten years I've lived here I've really lost my confidence on motorways. When I visit my family 200 miles away I have to use two. I always leave very early in the morning (about 4 am) to avoid traffic. I also use my sat nav, even though I know exactly where I'm going, because it tells me to keep right or left when other roads merge or diverge. I'm really embarrassed about this and it makes me feel absolutely pathetic.

petra Wed 01-May-24 18:04:19

Please don’t be embarrassed You are very wise to acknowledge that you’re nervous. They are dangerous roads.
If you feel as nervous as you sound motorways aren’t the safest roads for you and other drivers.
Is there a motoway near you that you could use ( with your husband) and get some confidence.

HelterSkelter1 Wed 01-May-24 18:04:36

That's quite a long drive. Can you split the journey and stay over on the way...Premier Inn. Then each day you only have a 3 hour drive with some breaks.
I find it better to drive on my own in those sort of circumstances. Then if I take the wrong exit or whatever I don't have to explain myself. I haven't got satnav but it you have have a practice as suggested above. Otherwise plan your route. Write down all the exit numbers on a couple of sheets of paper in large letters/numbers. Have all your emergency phone numbers to hand. Plenty of water and snacks. And food luck....you can do it.

HelterSkelter1 Wed 01-May-24 18:05:16

Good luck of course. Not food luck

merlotgran Wed 01-May-24 18:38:45

Use SatNav and have the voice turned up so it sounds like somebody is sitting next to you. Talk back to it if it helps. Your confidence will grow as your journey progresses.

Remember to look out for the overhead gantry signs as they will be a clear indication of which lane you need to be in for upcoming exits. They will also show you where you need to keep right in order to avoid going off. SatNav will also give you plenty of warning.

If you need to exit the motorway you need to focus on the lane markings especially at the top of the slip road. SatNav will tell you which lane to be in for roundabouts.

Don’t panic if you go wrong. You may be taken out of your way for a few miles but listen to SatNav and you will soon get back on track.

Relax and you’ll enjoy the drive. 🙂

silverlining48 Wed 01-May-24 18:41:52

Thats a long trip, can you break the journey somehow.
Dont be embarrassed, no need. I don’t like motorways either, in fact have become a nervous driver. I think you are brave,
Leave enough time, stop every couple of hours and good luck.

Septimia Wed 01-May-24 18:52:02

I'd be nervous, too. What I would do is to study the route on Google maps and to look at the junctions where I would need to turn off on Streetview so that they would seem familiar. I often do that when travelling somewhere unfamiliar.

Which motorway will you be using? I would say that, if it's the M1, the drive is better on the A1(M). That's because it isn't motorway all the way (although it is for a lot of it). If you're on the A1 you will need to watch out for where the M1 and A1 part company and for the delays due to the Wentbridge Viaduct roadworks.

Certainly take breaks even though they will mean that it takes you longer. You can plan where you'll stop so that you can anticipate where and when you'll have a rest.

Good luck and safe journey!

Rosie51 Wed 01-May-24 18:55:41

Don't be embarrassed, you're being brave voicing your fear.
Mile for mile, motorways are the safest roads. You don't have to drive at a constant 70 mph, you can safely do less in the nearside lane if that will make you more confident. Don't attempt that distance on your own without stopping, so you'll want to factor in one or maybe two motorway service stops. Have a look at the map so you can choose a good place to stop, so you aren't having to make that sort of decision on the day.
A satnav or the maps app on your phone will give you lane guidance when you approach exits. Like others have said, if you don't routinely use either practice by having it on when you do local journeys you know like the back of your hand. You'll get used to the manner of instruction. On a motorway you won't be getting that many instructions since a lot of it is just staying with the road. The most likely you'll have is telling you to "stay in the right three lanes" until you come to your exit. Good luck you can do this!

Callistemon21 Wed 01-May-24 19:16:01

It's a long way to drive on your own, even if you stop overnight somewhere, if you're nervous of motorways.

Can you find someone to look after the dog or put him into kennels for a short time so your husband can go with you?

I admit to being more nervous on motorways now. There is so much more traffic than even just a few years ago.

Callistemon21 Wed 01-May-24 19:17:27

Ps can you fly there and back?

Could your DH take you to the airport and someone pick you up at the other end?

Grammaretto Wed 01-May-24 19:30:17

Do you really have to drive? I'm older than you so have had even longer to lose confidence. grin
I don't enjoy motorways so avoid them where possible especially now it's just me and no-one to share the driving.

For long journeys I go by train or bus.
I fly in emergencies.

M0nica Wed 01-May-24 19:48:16

I would say that a six hour journey is an absolute no-no. Given the strain you will be under,

The best I can suggest is: start early, drive for 1.5 hours and then have a good break in a motorway service station and have a good breakfast. Drive another 1.5 hours and then take a long lunch time break. We tend to look for a stately home near the motorway for our lunch time break. Lunch in the restaurant, a wander round the house and grounds or a little snooze in a quiet sunny corner of the gardens. Have at least a 2 hour break.

Then in the afternoon do the same as in the mroning. Drive for 1.5 hours, have a 45 minute break and repeat.

Nannarose Wed 01-May-24 21:41:28

Have you got time to book a session with a local driving school? DiL did this after a break from driving, when she felt she needed to get used to motorways. They will give you useful tips.

the advantages of motorway driving are:
1. you know you can take breaks
2. if you make a mistake, you can correct it - even at the worst junctions, there are ways back.

good luck

Drina01 Wed 01-May-24 22:11:32

Please don’t be ashamed. I cannot/have not drive/driven on motorways for at least 20 years. Something tells my brain I cannot do it. I use minor roads to get anywhere and could write a book on alternative routes ! Why this happened I don’t know - but know of many others younger than I who have this fear. No matter what am told how safe/stay in slower lane/crash barriers etc etc there’s something about not being able to come off, when I need to once on, and speed of other traffic and keeping up. Choose an alternative route there’s always a way - don’t let it rule you.

Truffle43 Wed 01-May-24 22:14:35

I’ve made a journey like it and I was terrified at the thought.I practised with my sat nav just to make sure I understood exactly where to turn off etc. Made sure my phone was charged
Completed a few relaxation sessions where I visualised making the journey singing to my favourite music and must admit I was panicking. I took the journey and actually found myself enjoying the drive I was still glad to get to the other end of the country. After that I used to fly as I was only in the air an hour or so. I hope you manage to do what is best for you and if you drive I hope you conquer the fear.

Fairislecable Wed 01-May-24 22:23:49

I am happy to drive on motorways but I had to drive through London traffic and I was terrified of being in the wrong lane etc.

I use the Waze app and it makes the route so clear and even which lane to be in. If you make an error or there is a diversion on the route it will sort it out for you.

You can do this and it will give you such a sense of achievement.

Jane43 Wed 01-May-24 22:29:06

We find the Waze app on our phones much more user friendly than Sat nav.

merlotgran Wed 01-May-24 22:34:14

M0nica

I would say that a six hour journey is an absolute no-no. Given the strain you will be under,

The best I can suggest is: start early, drive for 1.5 hours and then have a good break in a motorway service station and have a good breakfast. Drive another 1.5 hours and then take a long lunch time break. We tend to look for a stately home near the motorway for our lunch time break. Lunch in the restaurant, a wander round the house and grounds or a little snooze in a quiet sunny corner of the gardens. Have at least a 2 hour break.

Then in the afternoon do the same as in the mroning. Drive for 1.5 hours, have a 45 minute break and repeat.

Sorry but I have to disagree with this advice for somebody driving alone. It’s far better to take short breaks with snacks, not meals which can make you feel sleepy. Staying alert is easier if you keep yourself in travelling mode.

There is something quite dispiriting about taking too long a break. Although you are not in a race you feel as though you are losing all the ground you have made up.

Until very recently I had many years of solo motorway driving and obviously we’re all different but I know that stringing it out would never have worked for me.

Elrel Wed 01-May-24 22:36:39

Nannarose, Yes, a friend who had concerns had a couple of ‘motorway lessons’ from a driving school to boost her confidence.

Foxgloveandroses Wed 01-May-24 22:39:14

I used to have a fear of driving. A counsellor tried Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and it worked. It might be worth looking into. Good luck.

JenniferEccles Wed 01-May-24 22:41:56

This is an awfully long journey to do in a day, and with at least a couple of breaks for food and to stretch your legs, and with the risk of holdups along the way it could easily be eight or nine hours.
I have to say I would hate the thought of that, even if I wasn’t driving!

I think the best solution is to fly, with taxis to take you to and from the airport.

Callistemon21 Wed 01-May-24 22:49:57

I think the best solution is to fly, with taxis to take you to and from the airport.

Yes, so do I.

Or a dog-sitter.

Norah Wed 01-May-24 22:54:10

Fairislecable

I am happy to drive on motorways but I had to drive through London traffic and I was terrified of being in the wrong lane etc.

I use the Waze app and it makes the route so clear and even which lane to be in. If you make an error or there is a diversion on the route it will sort it out for you.

You can do this and it will give you such a sense of achievement.

I'm happy on the M11 as well, not quite as easy as in years past, but still happy outside the city. I listen along with the SatNav (not much SatNav noise on M11) don't worry if I must exit and work out a plan.

I'd stop at the half way point, have a snack and a water, go on a half hour walk. Then get back driving, let the horses out to run!

You'll be fine. Good luck!