Back to a difficult position

I feel for you. Don’t engage with her, don’t open the door to her. She’s not your responsibility.

Aveline - feel so sorry for you. I’m surprised she is being allowed to live on her own. What do her relatives think about the situation.? (those with the POA).
Getting old is certainly unpalatable- all this really scares me 😱

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation with your neighbour, no wonder you’re fed up. You’ve done your bit with elderly relatives but this lady isn’t your responsibility and I don’t think you should feel in any way that she is. My hope for you is that, when it becomes clear that she can’t cope at home, she will go back to the care home without the option to come back. And don’t apologise for off loading here!

Quite right, she is not your responsibility.

Is she wandering at night if she is opening and closing her door? Do you know the couple who have POA? Is it possible to have a friendly chat with them and make sure they understand you will not be able to help in any way? Perhaps you could have a chat with your other neighbours too, present a united front.

crazyH

Aveline - feel so sorry for you. I’m surprised she is being allowed to live on her own. What do her relatives think about the situation.? (those with the POA).
Getting old is certainly unpalatable- all this really scares me 😱

Possibly comes down to finances? Its cheaper for the powers that be to place her back at home with kind neighbours for support.

What a shame, totally unacceptable for you. I would email SS and and people with POA and tell them loud and clear what has been going on and you are no longer able to provide any support whatsoever.

We are a united front here. All very friendly. The couple with POA live about 30 miles away and do their best with her. They're not related and really are landed with responsibility for her. We feel very sorry for them. She has no relatives of her own.
I'm amazed that she's allowed home.

Just a matter of waiting for a crisis. and

Germanshepherdsmum

I feel for you. Don’t engage with her, don’t open the door to her. She’s not your responsibility.

I agree.
She’s been unpleasant and difficult with others, and no matter how sorry you feel for her she could make your life a misery for years.

It sounds as though you should be reporting her to Adult Care.

Could you ring up the emergency Sociala Welfare number every time she opens and shuts he door at night. Report her as possibly wandering.

I would imagine that after a week of you ringing the night time emergency number frequently to express your concern, they might - just might - look for an alternative solution

I’d try and get a contact at Social Services (Adult Care) even if it’s not her SW, request an email address and then document your concerns.
Hard as it is, because it goes against a helpful nature, do not raise a finger to help or you’ll be committed before you know it.
On a practical note, have you tried ear plugs at night?

Thanks all. It's just not easy. What do I do when she's wandering about the landing in her nightie? She won't get dressed any more.
It's an idea to phone the SW emergency number but that would mean more sleepless nights waiting for return calls etc.
I've thought about ear plugs but she slams the door such that it shakes the building. The neighbours underneath complain too.
She routinely loses her keys. Orders taxis which all ring our doorbell to be let in. Generally just aaaagh!!

I assume you live in a block of flats, I didn’t realise that. Definitely a matter for social services and the landlord. It sounds as though a deprivation of liberty order is needed, so that she can be detained in a home against her will, however I think you might be in Scotland where things could be different?

Perhaps she will settle a bit with the routine of carers coming in.

Her meds will be administered, and she will hopefully then be awake during the day, and made comfortable with her teatime then bedtime carers.

I too feel for you. if you can, have a word with SW and ask who you should ring if concerned.
Do you have a key for her flat? If so, hand it back, saying you can no longer accept responsibility. I can see that there may be a good reason to keep one (so you don't have to bring her into yours!) but see below.
Then - and I'm sorry about this - but really it will help - keep a log.
If Social Services are to take her somewhere for her own protection, the bar is high. Wandering around what I presume is a shared landing in her nightie isn't enough. Constantly locking herself out might be.
Saying 'she keeps doing x or y' isn't that effective. Handing over a log with your concerns all detailed, can work much better.
Whilst I agree on the whole about not engaging, if you do need to, out of humanity for her safety, immediately contact the emergency number and inform them.

If she is opening the door at night presumably she's not safe?

Sorry, had to deal with a phone call. I see now you are in flats.
Does she take herself outside the building?

Our Lib Dem candidate was pontificating last night about how they would push for social care, in the home with regular carers, so much better for the elderly and so much better for the economy.
She hasn't a clue.

Germanshepherdsmum there's no landlord involved. We're all owner occupiers.
I'll try to keep a record of 'incidents'. The POA couple are concerned that she might not let carers in. They must be at their wits end.
The SW must have believed the nonsense she talks about being completely self sufficient. She'd been living on Maltesers before going to the care home. The food there is VG and we hoped that better nutrition might help her but it just strengthened her will to get out.
Time will tell what happens.

I don't have a key to her flat but DH is chairman of the residents association and can access a spare from the safe in the committee room (we're very posh here!) so we can be involved that way. There's a resident care taker but he won't have anything to do with her other than bringing up her milk and taking away any rubbish.

Im sorry if I sound harsh but this is just not acceptable. Email SS, there will be a contact. Give your name and details and as much as you know about the lady's.
With the best will in the world, chatting with neighbours isn't going to cut it.

You are kind but enough is enough.

Don't mess about with keys and going in there! It could end very badly.

I'm on it Zakouma. I'm really not a very kind person just one who might be landed in a difficult situation eg if I find her collapsed on the landing. I definitely won't be going in to her flat. I've requested full contact details for the SW.

She opens and shuts her front door- does this lead outside?

If it is a lobby are there cameras?

If she was getting out onto a public road I would call it a safeguarding issue, but if she is not in any danger from just being outside her front door (if this is in a block of flats) then I suspect there isn't much you can do.

If she knocks on your door in the middle of the night then get a camera to record this, and class her as a public nuisance and ring the police.

I understand how annoying this can be. My son cannot leave his bedroom window open in the warm weather because of next door's dogs barking outside. What does he do?

These things are difficult to live with and I hope it settles down for you soon.