Can't do right for doing wrong

My Dad was very angry and swore at me because he wanted me to stay home and I cannot as a keyworker. I have had heart problems but am not on the vulnerable list. I didn't take it personally as he is my Dad, he is far away and he feels powerless to protect me.

Respect goes both ways. I certainly wouldn't be throwing anything in his face for worrying about me and not x expressing it politely enough. We are both adults and can handle a little anger and frustration from each other.

Was their natural father abusive? Their controlling & manipulative behaviour is very similar to that I've seen in some children of abusive men. They can conflate love with control.

You are doing what is required of you, as you say you're not in the shielded group & are using click & collect so I don't think their criticism is justified & frankly is none of their business. I totally understand you bringing up their past behaviour in the heat of the moment but it doesn't help. Hopefully this will blow over.

If you dont want it to be the start of a 'cold war' between you,give it a couple of weeks or so,then txt & say you are sorry you brought up the past,but that its not up to them what you do as an adult either,and you hope they can accept that and you can all get along better in future.then leave it alone to see if they reach out to you- it may be they too are regretting it by then.Hope you sort it out with them and you gain new respect from them.good luck.

'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child'. I feel so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope you all can eventually make peace. Wishing you all the best.

I would not contact them fo a while and just get with doing what you are doing going for walks they sound like the type of children who would only contact you when they want something I know it is hard but stay strong

growstuff People are being treated and treatment is improving. I read a post on another site by a woman who is Director of Infectious Diseases at Northwick Park and she said that they have got much better at treatment. They now give higher doses of oxygen rather than a ventilator which they only use when the illness is more advanced. Some hospitals are also using plasma from people who have gone through the illness although it is still experimental. They have had a very significant drop in cases and more people surviving. They do treat older people and there are many posts of very elderly people being clapped out of hospitals. There is no instant pill although a couple look promising (one will have a US patent so is likely to be expensive).

I don't usually post here, but I felt moved too. I guess I don't think any one should speak to any one in that tone or language. It shows total ignorance, I would not have my boys telling how to live my life ,nor will I tell them how to live theres. I feel the 200 mile distance is a good thing, and I guess I wouldn't have a lot to do with them at all, you may love them but you don't have to like them. Im sad that they seem so aggressive and intolerant and I think you were not doing any thing wrong at all. Enjoy your life without them, enjoy your new life an independent person without their aggression.

My parents are 74 & 76, I phone them everyday and I take them treats. I have started visiting again but sit in the lounge with a face mask on. They tell me things they have seen and heard whilst out shopping. (they are only going to the supermarket)
I would never dream of telling them what to do, and I don't want them to go stir crazy locked inside all day and night for the foreseeable future.
If you take the necessary precautions you should be OK.

I think your children have been horrible to you and I really hope that when they contact you you make it hard for them until you get an apology.

Starblaze The text you have posted is wrong. Read the official government advice, which was updated on 1 May.

I think it is THEY who should apologise to you …….my daughter has cut me out of her life (I know she has married, I know she has a son...(I look on the internet and find her address wherever she is !) BUT for fifteen years there has been NO contact whatever.....part of me thinks it would have been nice to know her and her family ...part of me just thinks Well, it is her life …...and my Will reflects that. IF SHE wanted contact, her husband apparently runs his own cyber security firm so they could easily find me, as I am a technophobe but managed to find HER (and my e mail is still the same, despite having lived in three different countries since then !)….so, she will always be part of my thoughts but that will probably be all, She is 40 this year ..I shall send flowers and a gift to her address (online in Companies HOuse info)…..and that's that....sad, but there you are, ce'est la vie !!

Ah! I see it's from Gransnet. It's still wrong!

Ah well you will have to take that up with gransnet but they are apparently listening to the NHS. I still think leaving the house is not essential when there are volunteers in place. I wouldn't want to lose 1 in 12 gransnetters over 70. It would be very quiet around here.

Gransnet has it wrong. I'm not going to do their job for them. Read the government website!

Having said that, I agree with you. I'm in the same category as over 70s and I've arranged for everything to be delivered. I don't have a dog, so I have absolutely no reason to leave the house.

I'm actually a tad fed up with the "poor me" brigade.

This situation will end, I hope you have a long memory about how they have bullied and abused you. I think I would be re-writing my will too!

I am over 70 and go shopping once a week and observe social distancing .I still work but not at the moment as I’m a nanny to 3boys even though I think I suffered symptoms as his parents came back from France and the boys eventually became. ill My children have been bossy but I’ve ignored them

Exactly, Mistyfluff. It's the nature of some children to be bossy. I'm no psychologist, but I suspect it's something to do with the need to be the alpha person in a household.

That's an extremely hurtful stance to take with you - I am so sorry you are enduring this. They need to be reminded that you are entitled to the same respect and courtesy that they would show others.

As someone else said, a mothers place is in the wrong.
I totally understand you bringing up their past, after the way they spoke to you.
Like you, I would never have spoken to my mother the way one of my children spoke to me when we had a falling out.
I had respect for her.
You sound like a good and lovely mother.
We can only do our best as mothers. Sometimes it’s so hard, we are mothers after all not their friends. ???

My son would never disrespect me in that way. You should ask them just who in hell they think they are. Don't speak to them again until they apologise.

Bless your heart, I can’t believe how your adult children spoke to you, how disrespectful, I’ve four AC in 30,s and 40,s and no way would they speak to me or their dad in that way! They can obviously dish it out, but can’t take retaliation, I certainly wouldn’t be apologising for anything, your children sound awful, you sound like a good mum to me, I also wouldn’t be telling them anything what we do would be our business, you do the things you believe are right for you 3211 hope things improve for you.

They are in the wrong, not you. You have supported them through difficult times and they should respect you for that and everything else you’ve done for them. You are deeply hurt, but trust that you are right to feel as you do. Let them fester in their nastiness as one day they’ll realise how wrong they’ve been ( probably when it’s too late for them to let you know this!) The older generation should be treated with respect, however different their world view is from that of the younger generation. I’m with you all the way.

I really feel for you. It sounds like they have drained you in the past but don't let them get away with it in the future. They should be on bended knees to you. Don't tell them what you do. Step back and don't Contact them. Take care and stay strong.

We should be very careful about putting labels on people.In this situation all we can do is to fair and kind Nobody should be called an idiot by anyone least of all by those we love.Have belief in yourself Don’t let others define who you are ,

I refer to these type of "children" as Kidults - kids who don't really fully become adults. I'm sure that they had to deal with "challenges" in their childhood as did you within that relationship with their father BUT they are grown ups and they too must take responsibility for their actions and manner dealing with you NOW. Write to them simply dont get bogged down in too many words and apoligise for bringing up the drug business but you were hurt by they attitude to you as you were only following the official guidelines ( you are allowed to walk the dog and you must get your medications). Make the offer that If they want to go to Family Mediation with a good family therapist to discuss any remaining issues you are more than happy to do so BUT from now on you no longer accept being spoken to in a negative manner just as you wont speak to them in that manner..........if they dont take you up on the offer great then you can assume everything is sorted and if they do accept the offer great you can all work together on resolution.

and if they keep going with the verbal abuse ....cut off contact and cut them out of your will. It is not acceptable for anyone to abuse anyone regardless of what "title" you wear (Mum/Aunt/Dad/Son etc)

Once again, thanks to all of you for the kind advise and words of wisdom, you know for all the years at work, I use to advise people not to fire off an email in anger, and then look what I did!!!! Anyway its done can't take it back, but everyone is right about taking some time out and step back and be kind to myself, I will. I'm lucky to have a husband who( and don't anyone tell him) is a star and a lovely man who knows I'm hurting so keeps checking on me if we are not in the same room.
You are all lovely people, and I am amazed at all the kind, thoughtful posts.
My daughter has recently opened a family group WhatsApp so I get to see what the children are up to.
I'm just feeling bruised today and did gardening, haven't baked yet, my hubby might think I was really ill, but the day has gone well and that's partly to all of you who have taken the time to be kind. May you all have the best lockin you possibly can and keep well and safe.

I need to apologise, but not just yet, and everyone is right about being independent, I usually am, just didn't see this one coming