Can't do right for doing wrong

I agree with the above advice, keep your distance and calm yourself. Carry on walking the dog it is good for your wellbeing. You do not have to report back to your sons, it is your business what you do.
My grown up children were/are no saints but they have never disrespected me in the form of cursing me, and I would be really wounded if they did. It is disrespectful, no other words for it.
Do look after yourself and I hope you feel better soon

No, your adult children should be capable of letting you hold and follow your own opinion. It sounds to me as if you are behaving responsibly about the virus.

However, it was perhaps ill-advised of you to remind your son of his drug abuse and the hurt it caused you.

Would it not be possible to apologise for that? We can all let our tongues get away with us at times, and it honestly is not worth risking estrangement from our children.

Apologising for that, and only for that would be my advice.

If they start off about your going out to the chemist again, either ignore the remark, or if you have to answer say kindly, "Let's agree to differ on that point, shall we?"

I’m on lockdown with my mother! I love her to bits and have two brothers each a couple of miles away! One visits and we sit in our cars and chat, no harm in that! The other has tried to dictate to my mother, he was angry when she drove out to see him and spoke from the car! Moms 87 and I’m nearly 60. Heaven forbid if anyone tells me when I’m 87 (if I reach that age) what I can or can’t do! I can advise my mother but I can’t stop her from doing things if she is adamant and wants to do so, I wouldn’t dream of it. It seems as we get older the younger generation begin to think age makes you incapable? Adult children should be reminded who fed them, nursed them, clothed them and cared for them, you were capable then and you certainly are today! Don’t tell your adult children what you are doing, you’re entitled to be hurt when they spoke in a manner unbefitting and there was no harm in pointing out that they have been less than adult in their decision making in the past. Don’t write a letter, it might only add fuel to the fire, step back and let them make amends to you, it might take some time but they will realise they still need their mothers wisdom, advice and love. Keep strong, keep safe sending you hugs and best wishes.

321, so sorry that your children are behaving like this. Don't take any notice, and as others say DO NOT let them know what you are doing!! They will never know unless you tell them. Perhaps in the first place they had your interests at heart, but obviously it has now escalated to the point of nastiness.

My daughter tried once to have a big go at me, I am rather laid back, but one time she lost it and started having a go at me, and without raising my voice, I waited for her rant to be over, and calmly said. 'Thank you for your point, however, there are only two people in this world who actually get to dictate to me, they are called my Mum and Dad. They are gone, therefore, no-one speaks to me with such disrespect. However, always happy to have a calm chat when you are ready. "
It took everything I had to stay that calm, as I get the 'ol' Red Mist' come down when I get angry. Sounds to me OP like your kids are angry and scared, like many, and by telling you what to do maybe it feels like they have some control over all of this.
You don't usually get angry at those you don't love, so it sounds like they care, but are just awful at showing you their worry without their stress creeping in.
Try not to drag up the past, it does no good, you all know its there, leave it. Be the Mum. Let them sound off, love them, because while they sound like arseholes atm, they love you. Just calmly tell them that you simply cannot have a conversation with themthat hurts you like this, but you will always be there for them when they want to talk calmly.
Sending you a huge hug, sounds like you need one! xx

What truly horrible children. Your choice to manage your life as you see fit, their choice to take drugs - and, yes I do have some knowledge of this, not in my own family but through a drug treatment centre with which I was closely involved for several years.
My advice would be to just step back, get on with your own life and do not put yourself in the position of receiving abuse from your children which is obviously very upsetting particularly in these difficult times. If you can bear to do it, just cut off all contact with them at least for the time being and concentrate on keeping well.

Do what you think is right for you
It’s upsetting to be at odds with our children, but sometimes they can be insufferable can’t they?

So very familiar-my sister bullied my Mother into sacking her wonderful cleaner who obeys all the protocols, does her shopping, collects her newspapers and her medicine. After a sleepless night she reversed that and now cleaner is back. My mother is not a comfortable liar and now having to deal with all this additional stress. My son is doing my shopping and endlessly sending emails telling me I am irresponsible as I have MS! I haven’t been out for 7 weeks even though in a small flat... I laugh about it but keeping things secret is so difficult and our adult children can be a bit gestapo like in their questioning. ????

GoldenAge It shouldn't matter that you haven't ordered from a supermarket before. I had a delivery from Iceland this morning and have never ordered from them before. If you are persistent and try as many as possible you should eventually get one. You have to try at random times. I got one a couple of weeks ago at 6.20am they flashed up as I longed on for the next day but just that day and they would have gone probably by 7.30. It really is random luck. I have ordered in the past from Waitrose and have had no luck at all with them.
Unless you are in an area with a scarcity of supermarkets, it is worth perservering and jumping on it when you see one. Iceland just put up one slot so I immediately took it but had to get up before 6am.
I nearly gave up before the second Sainsbury's one (I've been getting them about every 2 and a half weeks but thought I'd just give it one last try about 4pm on a Sunday and got one). I think it is getting easier as they are getting better at dealing with so many deliveries and people are finding people to shop for them.

Don’t text, don’t ring them.... they are altogether awful adults. You should never be dictated to by these people who have no respect for you and it seems to me that you should NOT be telling them your daily routines. If they ask just say “ we’re following the government guidelines, but thank you for asking”... if my kids ever even raised their voice to me I’d clip them one!

It sounds to me as if you are being sensible and taking reasonable precautions to protect yourself. Your ACs are being unreasonable, but maybe you touched a nerve when mentioning things from the past when arguing in your defence.
We often say things in the heat of the moment which we later regret. I hope you are able to heal this rift.
When the lockdown started I had to self isolate as I had a cough but I had to go out a couple of times, once to order a prescription and once to return my choir music as it needed to be returned to a music library. My DD was very critical of me going out but accepted I'd only done what I needed to in the end. My DS sent me lots of links about the risks and told me to be careful. I realised he was only thinking of my safety and that it was because he cares. I think they are both being slightly stricter with themselves than they need to be but better that than being reckless. Thankfully we haven't fallen out. If I fell out with my AC I'd find this lockdown impossible to cope with as I live alone and having video chats with them (as well as friends) keeps me sane, so I feel for you.

If you are over 70 the advice is not to leave the house at all. Not for medicine, not for groceries. Not at all. Why is it not OK for adult children to be cross if you won't listen? Go to the gransnet front page and there is an article saying exactly what I just said. Over 70, don't leave the house. Your husband is over 70 so you leaving is the same as him leaving as anything you pick up he will definitely get. My friend lives with her elderly FIL
She is younger than me and can't leave the house and exercise as she may put FIL at risk. She couldn't live with herself if she brought it back to him.

I'm sorry, but I would never let my children speak to me in such a disrespectful way. In normal times, do they still like to tell you what you can and can't do. Do what you thinks is right for you, while listening to medical advice and they have no need to know what you're doing. Can I ask why you feel that you have to be the one to write a letter to make up? They are the ones that have cut you off and been so rude.

Advice for over 70s from Age UK- get someone to do your shopping if you can but if you can't
If this isn’t possible, you can go out for essentials but should make this as infrequent as possible. You should also make sure to practise social distancing (remaining 2 metres or 3 steps away from others) and wash your hands thoroughly (for at least 20 seconds) when you get back home
I'm 74 no other health problems and fitter than some people who are younger than me. A blanket ban of over 70 is ridiculous.
I don't think the OP has been popping to the shops every day.

When my daughter appears to be bullying me, I like to think its because she loves me and wants to keep me safe. Could that have been the feeling at the start of your fall out with your children? Which unfortunately escalated.

Starblaze That is not the official government advice. I don't care what Gransnet has on its front page - it's not what the government is advising:

6. Clinically vulnerable people
If you have any of the following health conditions, you are clinically vulnerable, meaning you are at higher risk of severe illness from coronavirus. You should take particular care to minimise contact with others outside your household.
Clinically vulnerable people are those who are:
aged 70 or older (regardless of medical conditions)
under 70 with an underlying health condition listed below (that is, anyone instructed to get a flu jab as an adult each year on medical grounds):
chronic (long-term) mild to moderate respiratory diseases, such as asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), emphysema or bronchitis
chronic heart disease, such as heart failure
chronic kidney disease
chronic liver disease, such as hepatitis
chronic neurological conditions, such as Parkinson’s disease, motor neurone disease, multiple sclerosis (MS), or cerebral palsy
diabetes
a weakened immune system as the result of conditions such as HIV and AIDS, or medicines such as steroid tablets
being seriously overweight (a body mass index (BMI) of 40 or above)
pregnant women

www.gov.uk/government/publications/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others

This was up-to-date on 1 May.

People over 70 are being told to take particular care - they are not being told that should never leave home. In fact, this is the same advice as is being given to the majority of people, but those over 70 and with certain health conditions are being told to take particular care.

The death rate of those between 70 and 80 is one in 12. My age group is justly over 1 in 100. My age versus my dad's age.

1 in 12 is pretty terrifying.

Not to mention that 1 in 12 will go up if infection rates get too high again (likely this winter) because over 70s just won't get treated.

You must be very upset with your family 3211123. Fortunately ours leave me to make my own decions, except for eldest daughter who wants me to go out foe walks.
Husband does most of the shopping.
A few days ago a police van pulled up to me while I was walking and asked if I was ok. I asked them if I was doing anything wrong and they said no, and smiled, commenting on my sensible Skechers walking shoes.
Perhaps they thought I might have escaped from a Care Home. If so I would have been wearing slippers.

I'm not over 70, but I am counted as "clinically vulnerable". The death rate for people with my health conditions is apparently higher than 1 in 12, which is why I have chosen to stay at home at all times, despite not qualifying for any additional help because I'm not clinically extremely vulnerable. I live on my own and have no close family.

It is possible to arrange life so that you don't have to go out. However, it is not what the government is advising. Personally, I think the OP should try not to go out, but that's up to her. If she really is only going out once a week and making sure she keeps her distance from others and washes her hands, etc, she's following the rules. She has not been banned from going out totally.

@starblaze. What if your friend had work to go to ? She wouldn’t be able to stay home just because she lives with her father in law. I live with my daughter and her family. She is a frontline nurse . Do you think that she should stay at home for the duration of this virus? The NHS needs her to work and she needs the money to pay her mortgage. You don’t have to stay at home 24 hrs a day just because someone in your household is over 70. You just have to take precautions

I've had this sort of problem with my kids before and yes they will make you out to be the bad guy. Of course you're upset but it will blow over...I had to get over it, suck it up, and them keep holding out olive branches, and texting the older grandchildren directly. Eventually they came round, but they are still a bit bossy, and tell me what to do, but I know they mean well. One of them felt I shouldn't walk the dog so I found a lovely lad to take her out, but I still take her myself and don't tell them. You don't have to tell them everything about your life.
Try not to get too upset, at least you've got your husband, but if you can try not to bring up past grievances, it won't help. Good luck ...it will be ok .

Starblaze it’s simply not true that over 70’s shouldn’t leave the house. That’s for over70’s and younger people with very serious existing conditions. Otherwise we’re advised to go out only to get food, medicines and exercise. It has been very confusing but if you go to the gov.uk website it is all set out very clearly. It’s unforgivable for these ungrateful adults to speak to their parents like this.

I would apologise. Times are fraught and just explain that you regret bringing up the past. Whilst they are your “children”, you are all adults and should treat one another with respect. It sounds as if your son has improved his life which is to be praised. Turning his back on his old lifestyle would be an achievement. Having been seriously ill himself and knowing how tenuous life can sometimes be I think he may have spoken out of worry for you. I’d try to forgive but not forget - learn from what has occurred. Please don’t let this be the beginning of estrangement.

I agree with rafichagran,the AC crossed the line first,and while 2 wrongs dont make a right,i think they did need reminding that theyd done far worse- maybe not in detail,just a "oh and you've never done anything bad or dangerous?"- Would have been enough to remind them.and no i wouldn't accept being called those names or sworn at by any of my 'kids' either,and I've had seven..you had not done anything wrong as per the going outside rules so why are they complaining? That said,as others have pointed out,why bother telling them?,i dont make a point of telling mine when i ring them,unless chatting to my daughters maybe& its a part of the chat,(maybe saying where something is available in store?) But she certainly wouldnt speak to me like that!- and im on the 'strictly social distancing' list(1 below the extra vulnerables) - as for their letters/post- why are they still having it sent to your home?clearly they live somewhere else- SO,put it all in a big envelope, write their own address on it& go forward it- add 'not at this address' too! Then any that come after,write on same, & put new address,pop it back in postbox, Then, let these 'kids' stew in it for a bit! (I let mine stew for a bit if they get a bit bossy or gobby,they usually come around!)thankfully theyve never been as bad as yours were to you,but dont tell them what youre doing in future.if they say sorry,then you apologise too if you hurt them about the past.apart from that,leave them be!

Starblaze It's unlikely that the death rate will increase that much. The majority of people aren't treated now anyway because there is no treatment. Those who are hospitalised, especially those in ICU, sadly already have a very high death rate. You are right that the best thing people can do is not be infected. Once a person is infected, nature generally takes its course. I suspect the OP's children know that, but ultimately it's up to the OP whether she wants to take that risk. The government isn't telling her she shouldn't.