I’m at my wits end !

inews.co.uk/news/uk/pubs-reopening-rules-bars-restaurants-when-open-uk-england-4-july-coronavirus-lockdown-453453

If hubby wants to take risks, could he move in with one of his pub friends? I don't see why you should have to consider moving in with your daughter or anyone else, or have to be even more careful with social distancing in your own home. If he wants to take risks it shouldn't be forced on you, your daughter or your young grandsons to be put at risk because of his actions. Will your daughter back you up on this matter?

People getting drunk after months of not seeing each other is a recipe for disaster - they will be shaking hands, buying rounds of drinks and passing glasses round, moving from table to table etc - even hugging as drinks flow.

Personally, I can understand why people might want to get back to a sense of normality, but my life and the lives of people I care about are worth more than a trip down the pub, restaurant, hairdressers etc - we are continuing to be as safe as we can and it is a shame so many people seem to think it's safe to be a prat now!

I'm with everyone who says to move in with your daugher (and don't leave any food in the fridge, freezer or cupboards). It's all very well to say pubs have to make sure social distancing is observed but wearing a mask on public transport is mandatory and I can't tell you how many people either get on the bus without one or just pull it down once the driver can't see them (and they haven't even had a drink).
Don't risk it, don't have a showdown or give him an ultimatum, just pack your things and be ready to leave the moment HE leaves for the pub.

Life has to re start somewhere …..let's get on with it !

Tell him he is a selfish git and then move in with your Daughter. It just might give him the shock he needs. Good luck.

In some ways I was in favour of opening pubs and restaurants for the sake of the hospitality workforce as I assumed that people would make sensible choices according to their individual circumstances, ie: vulnerable people continue to stay at home, less vulnerable enjoy the new freedoms. However I didn't consider situations like yours where you clearly see things very diferently. Your post made me glad I'm single! I'm not planning any trips to the pub in the near future, or meals in restaurants as I have some health vulnerabilities. I'm quite happy to meet a friend for a stroll in the park and enjoy a take-away every now and again. I hope you find a solution that doesn't have terrible consequences for you but makes him realise how selfish he is being.

I would move in with your daughter. Who does he think will look after him if he catches it?

This is actually heart breaking isn’t it. He’s not respecting your feelings at all. Why don’t you sit down with him and point that out. No threats during this conversation. But if he still refuses to respect your feelings, then you need to respect yourself, take care of yourself and be safe. I would quietly explain that. Then if pushed, you need to explain how you will do that, to keep yourself safe. I wish you the very best xx

Do you still love him?
Is he jealous of your daughter?
Does he usually spend time at the pub when you are helping your daughter?
What about sitting down with him and looking for a solution?
Take emotion out of the discussion after preceding it with "I know we both love each other". You are looking for a workable solution.
Maybe his attitude is just bravado because he feels bottom of the pile after your daughter and her children.
There is much to be considered but done calmly so no-one feels rejected, a solution can be found. A dramatic action like moving out or leaving the fridge empty is a kneejerk reaction and perfectly understandable. But, consider this, your daughter is probably going to find a new partner at some stage, the children will grow up, where would you fit into a new scenario?

I am horrified as to how many people on here are telling you to break up your relationship with your OH.

You also say that you have been helping out with your daughters young children, so obviously, have not followed the rules during lockout rigidly. So, it is okay for you to make your own interpretations of these, but not the same for your Partner.

You need to sit down and have a good talk with your OH, tell him your fears, listen to what he has to say - and come to a compromise.

Do not be paranoid - even if you did catch this virus, the mortality rate is low - and at sometime or the other, in the not too distant future, we all need to get back out there.

Most definitely do not move in with your daughter, or even tell him to leave the marital bedroom. Your relationship is (hopefully) going to have a far greater affect on your future life than this virus.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I do think, after 20 years of being together that you get some advice from a solicitor first, just in case you feel you need to go - surely you cannot just walk away with 'nothing' after such a long time??

If you can walk away with 'something' then you and your daughter could maybe get somewhere bigger so that you can fit in too?

Good luck in whatever you choose to do x

Must say I am totally horrified at some of the so-called advice on here. So many telling you to break up your relationship

You say you have been helping out with your daughters two young children -so you have made the decision which of the 'rules' you will follow, (or not - as the case maybe). But, then feel indignant when your OH does the same.

You will need sit down with your OH, express your fears, listen to what he is saying and sort out a good compromise. Not one that involves you breaking up your relationship.

Be careful, but not paranoid.

Like Franben i am horrified too at how many of these posts are suggesting you leave and you live with your daughter- as you say not possible. This is frankly ridiculous. Isn't he really saying he is going to brave it and like the rest of us surely start getting back to normal. Great post icanhandthemback. Agree with you. Try to talk it over but you have a life to live too and although i understand how you feel since having stomach problems life has to return. See how it goes but please unless for some other reason you are really unhappy ( different situation altogether ) don't leave.

Huge sympathy , very hard when many are being sensible. We live by the sea and I have just been surfing, but lots of visitors arriving from literally hundreds of miles away and people all bunching together now on a busy beach so we have come home.
Good luck but put yourself first.

You head of Gransnet

MadeInYorkshire
Do you ever think that you missed your calling in life?
You could have helped such a lot of couples working for Relate ( sarcastic emoji) just in case you thought I was serious.

Move in with dd and take out life insurance on DH life.

It does seem a lot of people have selective hearing where the guidelines are concerned. I don’t see that pubs will be quite the same for the foreseeable future so it might not be quite what your OH is imagining.

Having to register contact details, social distancing and limited numbers won’t recreate the pub vibe he is obviously missing. Quite possible that he may get in and some of his mates won’t.

There could be huge repercussions for you so it might be best to give it a few days for you both to calm down.

Living with your daughter for a short while won’t be a problem but possibly not a wise move in the long term. She may eventually find a new partner and your presence might cause some awkwardness.

We are in a 2 bedroom house and enjoy having family visit but, even with a downstairs second lavatory, it may seem overcrowded as a long term arrangement.

Interesting that two barbers have been fined and shut down locally. In both cases the men waiting were sitting side by side in small enclosed spaces with no distance at all between them. There does seem to be something in the male psyche that makes some of them think they are invincible no matter what evidence is put to them.

Not sure what ‘rights’ you may have - it does seem your partner is getting a free housekeeper with benefits but not, currently at least, showing much concern for you.

OP, I would tell him to move out!
Why should you give up your home when his selfish behaviour is the cause.
Give him a clear ultimatum and then get legal advice as to the best way to go from there.

Everybody who is going to the pub has to ‘book’ in with their name and contact details. Maybe your husband and his friends will be told they can’t all meet at the same time.

I, like others, have no confidence in some people's ability or care to social distance and after a few drinks this is even less likely to be adhered to. Tell him firmly that of he wishes to do this then you will move in with your daughter until it is safe for you to return home. It isn't just about him getting it, it's everyone who he comes in contact with and all NHS staff whose job is made more difficult. It will be easier said than done but keep in mind it is rather that than letting him infect you and your loved ones and others too. Good luck.

Ask him how he would feel if he gave Covid to you and you unwittingly passed it onto your daughter , and then she ( and you) died.

Move in with daughter

Aepgirl - supposing people give false names and contact details as has happened already with test results.

Supposing the pub landlord and staff find it impossible to enforce the new social distancing in their pubs? The temptation to encourage customers to stay as long as possible and to return will be very strong after the loss of income during the lockdown.

We have all had to make sacrifices because of the virus. The OP's partner has no way of knowing that he won't be exposed to virus germs or that he's somehow "immune" from catching it.

Beau1958 - I agree with others on here that you should explain your fears to him and see if you can find some sort of compromise.

We can't invite friends to sit in our back garden at a distance because there is no side passage and people have to walk through the house to reach our back garden so we have given up on that idea.

If you don't have that issue where you live maybe you could suggest that to your partner. That way he still gets to see his friends and you can see to it that they sit far enough apart.