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Tiger mums

(62 Posts)
thatbags Mon 12-Sep-16 07:10:17

According to Rosemary Bennett
Tiger mums (and their children) are miserable.

obieone Mon 12-Sep-16 08:47:18

I am sorry, but since a thread last week, where you were prepared for misery to be heaped on Italians, I will not be responding to threads of yours of this nature. I cant take them seriously.

Anya Mon 12-Sep-16 08:57:13

Don't carry angst from one thread to another obi There is nothing wrong with disagreeing strongly with one person on one thread and finding you agree with them on another.

Such is life.

What is very disagreeable is a comment like yours above. Grow up.

Ingetesring article bags but I think we all knew this instinctively. It's the two ends of the parenting spectrum that are not good for their offspring,

Luckygirl Mon 12-Sep-16 09:00:20

I am not remotely surprised.

obieone Mon 12-Sep-16 09:05:32

I am entitled to my opinion Anya, and I will keep it.
Sorry, but the way she thinks is beyond the pale.
It is a lot more than disagreeing strongly.

I will not carry it thread to thread and will probably get banned, but I am not prepared to keep quiet about it.

It is worth getting banned over. Goodbye.

Anya Mon 12-Sep-16 09:12:32

Obviously you have not understood my post and/or do not understand how you come across.

By all means disagree. Just don't stand there like a little kid having a tantrum and shout 'I hate you. I won't speak to you any more'.

thatbags Mon 12-Sep-16 09:20:34

obi, if you think I was "prepared for misery to be heaped on Italians", you are mistaken. You misunderstood. As anya has said, it is not really politik on gransnet to carry grievances about one thread onto another. Let it rest there.

This article about tiger mums appears in today's Times newspaper and its author is Rosemary Bennett, as I have informed people. I have not expressed my personal opinion about the phenomenon of tiger mums so any "taking seriously" that you do or don't do is not about me or my opinion about it. You need to take up your objections with The Times.

Elegran Mon 12-Sep-16 09:22:16

What have you been saying about Italians to make Obieone refuse to respond to any more of your posts (except to reply that she is not going to respond to any more of your posts)?

I must have missed something somewhere.

thatbags Mon 12-Sep-16 09:22:42

lucky, I wasn't either.

obieone Mon 12-Sep-16 09:24:23

I am not feeling well which may be part of it.

And maybe I did not understand your post correctly.

[and I assume I will get banned!].

It isnt a matter of hate.
And will keep the peace[though I will be banned!],and I may even speak to her about other matters, but I have kept quiet about the thread since last week[perhaps I should have written on the thread] but could not any longer.
I couldnt pm her and talk about it quietly because that isnt right either.

obieone Mon 12-Sep-16 09:25:53

but you are and your were thatbags. You agreed with the misery.

obieone Mon 12-Sep-16 09:26:41

Not sure you will want to talk to me about it thatbags, and that is fair enough, I understand.

thatbags Mon 12-Sep-16 09:28:13

obi, the thread you refer to is still available for you to comment on. I feel I must politely ask you to go and stir things up over there since you feel so passionately about my evilness.

thatbags Mon 12-Sep-16 09:30:02

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

janeainsworth Mon 12-Sep-16 09:31:57

Are you trying to get banned Obieone?

Anya Mon 12-Sep-16 09:34:48

Sorry you're feeling unwell obi I too have been known to mouth off more than is wise when in pain. I even told someone not to be negative and naive, but having had that post deleted for using !such foul language hmm I'd advise you to get a cup,of tea and a painkiller and come back on GN after a lie down in a darkened room

Works for me.

Elegran Mon 12-Sep-16 09:39:57

X posts there (but I still don't know where the Italians come into things)

Rosemary Bennet strikes a chord with me. however finding a "a clear connection between high levels of qualifications among mothers, low levels of happiness and satisfaction, and higher levels of stress and tiredness." is rather extreme. I know many University-educated mothers whose children get encouragement and support in their studies without being subjected to pressure cooker regimes.

What strikes me about the regime of the real "tiger mothers" is how they are aiming to turn out, not a human being but a hand-fabricated machine for Success, with a capital S. No making friends and having fun, no joy, no time to stop and stare. what a life!

( "Her rules are simple. No grade below an A is acceptable; no activity that is not educational or developmental is ever undertaken. There are no play dates and definitely no sleepovers. In her regime there was no life outside school except violin and piano practice." )

obieone Mon 12-Sep-16 09:42:19

Thanks Anya.

Elegran Mon 12-Sep-16 09:42:38

Blimey! I only left for a few minutes to read the article properly and type up a reply . . .

thatbags Mon 12-Sep-16 09:44:24

Yes, elegran, one wonders if those kids end up with a great deal of simmering resentment. I also wonder about the dads: where is their input, and where are their reasonable objections?

Alternatively the kids grow up just as highly strung (I'm trying to be polite 😬 ) and regiment their kids too. I'd love to hear from people who've grown up under such a mother, both those who 'liked' the way they were brought up and those who didn't.

Anya Mon 12-Sep-16 09:53:05

I suppose if Tiger Mums existed in the 50s then mine was one. i got very adapt at doing my piano practice, homework (additional so I'd pass the 11+), elocution practice (had to tone down that common Scottish accent) deportment (believe me!) and so on....then disappearing off out with my friends never to return until bedtime.

So I got sent to boarding school instead aged 7.

Elegran Mon 12-Sep-16 09:56:55

Boarding school was probably a rest cure.

Anya Mon 12-Sep-16 10:00:06

I didn't like that way of being brought up but it turned me into a rebel (got expelled from the Convent aged 13) rather than the child she wanted and that's been really useful for me as an adult. Father was largely absent and didn't take much of an interest.

Having said that this régime didn't do anything positive for my younger sister..

I did impose certain 'standards' (?) on my own children but encouraged them in their own interests too and they've turned out fine. At least they still talk to me and live close by if that's anything to go by!

Anya Mon 12-Sep-16 10:03:15

Actually didn't mind the boarding exierience Elegran as had friends on tap 24/7 but it meant my younger sister, who was only 5 was isolated from me in class and a different dorm and she had a terrible experience.

trisher Mon 12-Sep-16 10:03:15

I wonder how many of these mothers there really are. I've met a few mums who push their kids into things and timetable activities but not to such an extent that nothing else is allowed. As my 3 year old GD is now talking about sleepovers (I blame the nursery) how do they stop their kids getting involved? I'd never have made a tiger mum just couldn't have kept the pace up!! I favour a style of parenting once described to me by a friend with a lot of children as "benevolent neglect".
Why is it I miss all the real arguments on GN and only get hints and deleted posts? (Sorry thatbags didn't mean to say anything off thread but it is so intriguing!)