Didn't we all do well, ladies?
I got a very heartfelt apology, and will be getting a written one, regarding the letter in my daughters name, I also asked that grandson should get some acknowledgement that it upset him.
The head was very forthright and said 'oh, excuse me, I believe you dont have an official order to say that grandson lives with you'. I told her I don't need one, actually, and that they have been informed by email and phone that grandson lives with me. I asked how many more times they need to be informed, and told her how hurtful it is to think our greatest tragedy seems to mean nothing.
She tried to bring up the fact that we didn't attend a meeting, and I reminded her that it was arranged too late, my daughter was in no fit state to see anyone by that time, and died less than a week later. She again said 'oh but we arranged a meeting after then and you didn't want to attend'. I explained that it was 2 days after my daughters death, and of course I wasn't in any fit state.
I told her about a teacher asking grandson why his work had 'gone down' in the last couple of months, and she admitted it was unacceptable.
I did get the feeling that she was trying to wriggle out of it, but I think she realised very well that they have fallen very far short of being 'supportive'.
I did have a cry, but managed to hold it together, and it ended on good terms. Sorry, all a bit rambly, but I'm relieved its done, and wanted to thank you all.