Overcomplicated

Madgran -- That is the nice thing about truly abusive parents. They are very predicable. We knew what they would do/how they would react so We made decisions to circumvent their attempt at disrupting Our lives. Our lives were disrupted, but at least it was on Our terms.

Chewbacca

Actually MissA youve just reminded me that, apart from the thread that you mention thats currently being discussed, theres another, similar thread, regarding a mother who is worried that her daughter's house is "very messy and untidy and what should she do". The vast majority of replies were "Do nothing. Mind your own business, its nothing to do with you". I wonder if, on another chat forum somewhere there's a post from a young woman saying "I'm struggling to cope with a job, a child and the home and my mother never offers to help".

If that were the case I’m sure most people would tell her that she had a child and it’s no one else’s job to support her. Or that if she needed help she’d need to use her words and ask for it.

most parents I know or have spoken with (whether that be estranged or still very much a family unit) do not see any problems with my behaviour at all and certainly not grounds for estrangement.

That was unfortunate for you Friendly Ghost. What made you realise that those views were wrong and not necessarily held across most parents of your generation?

Madgran -- If I didn't believe in child protection systems I certainly wouldn't have entered one voluntarily.

What will make me livid is people who try to abuse an already strained system to try to bully their AC.

In the case of real physical abuse/neglect? Report. Report. Report! Scream from a roof-top! But if it's a 'difference of opinion' like trying to raise Our religious choice (for example) up to abuse or neglect? No.

Summerlove -- "If that were the case I’m sure most people would tell her that she had a child and it’s no one else’s job to support her. Or that if she needed help she’d need to use her words and ask for it."

Absolutely. I have a rule with my husband. I have my chores and he has his... Sometimes we need help getting things done quicker so we just say, "Hey Babe, can you give me a hand with xxxx?" In other words, if I need/want help? I ask.

*In the case of real physical abuse/neglect? Report. Report. Report! Scream from a roof-top!

Obviously!

But if it's a 'difference of opinion' like trying to raise Our religious choice (for example) up to abuse or neglect? No.

Well No exactly! But I don't think anyone has suggested that GPs should do that have they in this discussion thread? The discussion was about GPs not ignoring signs of abuse/neglect in the name of "letting their AC live their own lives".

Thank you to everyone who has shared your thoughts and stories to me. I truly wish you all the best possible outcome that suits the situation

Thankyou Friendly Ghost

I do hope that means that you are no longer feeling any "hint of a dynamic of unfriendliness". That would be such a shame for a new poster like yourself.

Madgran -- I missed the subtlety in that because I read it more from the perspective of my own situation. Yes, Our parents should let Us live our own lives, even if what they see us doing is 'abuse' in their eyes.

Ok Holy Hannah. Didn't think it was subtle really, but I can see that you were reading it from the perspective of your own particular situation

"The discussion was about GP's not ignoring signs of abuse/neglect in the name of "letting their AC live their own lives" which brings me back to Birdie's earlier post Madgran, something that we often see P's say here on GN, I've said it myself; 'damned if we do and damned if we don't'.

I'm confused by your post @ 18.54 FriendlyGhost in which you said "my daughter has taken responsibility for estranging me and apologises to me deeply at times". Why does your D apologise to you for her estranging you when it was you who was at fault?

As a part of your own personal journey of acceptance for your behaviour and your reconciliation, have you told your D how painful it was for you being estranged, or was this something that came from her?

Lolo81,
I understand what the thread is about and how it works.
I was not being nasty.

Bridie22, accusing someone who is providing resources of putting plagiarism on the thread and of playing mind games isn’t exactly nice?
But if that’s not nasty in your book then carry on.
It’s certainly not productive.

I think we will have to agree to disagree, lolo81.
I don't believe keeping a child in squalid conditions is in their best interests, and obviously there were also a host of other hygiene issues.

And I would never, ever allow a virtual stranger to share a bed with a young child.

Very, very different from a teen choosing to not clear up their space.

Lolo81
Holy Hannah, discusses topics always from her way of thinking and qualifies her posts with
extracts from other people's studies and research, if this is how she conducts a conversation within a family setting then I can see no conclusion ever being attained. What I said was true, not nasty.

Again, my (long winded!) way of saying that gransnet isn't full of spiteful old ladies intent on interfering.
Almost everyone thought it best to say nothing in the above situations.

I didn't agree then, and I don't now.

MissAdventure - I was actually in my own (also long winded) way trying to agree with most of your point regarding the diversity of opinion, by illustrating my own differing view.
I totally respect your right to having a different opinion and to voice it.

Bridie22, I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. Not necessarily on the content that Hannah posts which are from her own life experiences, but about the condescending way in which you chose to engage her. Just because the content of a message is truthful does not mean the delivery isn’t intended to be hurtful.

Friendlyghost

Do you want to adopt me?

I wish my parents were able to follow your path and have your introspection skills.

Congratulations on your amazing achievement and your daughter is lucky to have you

Lolo it looks like mods agree with you as they removed Birdie’s comment.

Birdie Is it possible that HolyHannah struck a nerve with her comments, which is why you lashed out?

No mama bear, I can assure you no chord was struck.

lolo81
At least we got there in the end.

I wish my grandparents had reported me. They had to have seen that something was very wrong. A teacher did report me, however DOCS (what it was known as then) never interviewed me at all. They only talked to my parents (whom of course never mentioned what they were doing) and told them my older brother had to go.

A teen not cleaning up their space is not abuse in any way shape or form. I could list the abuse I experienced but would be too triggering for me and others atm. Abuse is very clear when you see it.

It wasn't a teen with filthy cups, it was a toddler drinking from one, but advice here was largely "mind your own business" (something I'm not very good at )

Thank God for that MissA!

Did you see a lot of your GP's Ironflower? If so could their failure to report your situation have been because they were worried your parents would estrange them if they'd done so, and they'd have lost all contact with you?

MissA.