Overcomplicated

You were responsible for your H's eyes being opened MamaBear. I firmly believe we were estranged before we were able to open our son's eyes to the true nature of the woman he married and with whom he had children.

HolyHannah I can’t imagine how difficult and hurtful your childhood must have been being raised by a narcissistic mother. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the parents you deserved. It’s common for other members of a family to develop narcissistic traits without being full blown narcissists. I’ve seen it called “narcissistic fleas”.

I too have been told by a professional that my symptoms are those of someone abused by a narcissist. If already estranged at that point. Before estranging a different professional said my family were toxic, not me which I had come to believe because for me there was no other logical reason why a mother wouldn't love her child.

I now see the much bigger, sadder picture for me and many others

Comfort, empathy and support continue to be offerd along with a variety of resources and personal growth experiences to glean insight from-

The greatest problem might be simply not recognizing that all the information being shared is dependent upon compassion- Not liking the way the information is presented or the individual presenting it doesn't cancel out the fact that the information being shared is an act of compassion-

Thank you MamaBear. What would have been worse is never coming to recognize what I grew up with and continued the cycle.

rosecarmel

Comfort, empathy and support continue to be offerd along with a variety of resources and personal growth experiences to glean insight from-

The greatest problem might be simply not recognizing that all the information being shared is dependent upon compassion- Not liking the way the information is presented or the individual presenting it doesn't cancel out the fact that the information being shared is an act of compassion-

❤️

Those posters who have said that their mothers/families are narcissistic; were any of them actually seen by a mental healthcare professional and diagnosed as such? I appreciate that some here have received professional advice and support for their own difficulties that they feel have been triggered by their pasts, but how can a diagnosis of any psychological abnormality be given by any professional, for people that they've never met or spoken to?

Chewbacca -- In my case, it is quite simple... Since all the symptoms I have can be linked to Narcissistic abuse and through thorough therapy, it became very clear where the damage came from.

Narcissistic abuse has very predictable results on child victims which can be diagnosed, as it was in my case.

HolyHannah
Unless your parent was professionally diagnosed you cannot be the victim of narcissistic abuse.

FriendlyGhost, with the exception of my late mother, I can honestly say that I've never, ever had a bully in my life. I wouldn't allow it. A bully needs a victim - and I wouldn't be one.

In my case "assessments" of others were made based on my symptoms and description of family dynamics and individual members-

The assessments were outlined so that I could learn to recognize "behavioral markers" and navigate them or avoid them altogether going forward-

Bridie -- If that belief makes you feel better... Okay.

A doctor doesn't need to be a gun expert to know when a victim has been shot...

A 'head doctor' doesn't need to meet "the gun" (my 'mom') to see/diagnose the damage she produced.

Thanks for your reply HolyHannah. I suppose I'm just curious that, as is currently being discussed on another thread, a person who is narcissistic is normally seen and diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional, after many months of interviews and tests; it's not a diagnosis that's given lightly; and certainly not "3rd hand" via someone else. And that got me wondering why labels are given to people, who haven't actually ever been met in person?

But I'm derailing FriendlyGhost's thread as this wasn't supposed to be about unofficial psychological labelling! Apologies FriendlyGhost.

A head doctor does need to diagnose your parent if you are saying the information you give is because of a true medical condition,
Else you are the victim of abuse of a suspected person with a disorder.

I am an absolute expert on my mums behaviour. I had half a lifetime of experience. I have spent a great deal of time educating myself and understanding it, I have been to see professionals and have listened to professional advice. I've become a master at managing anxiety and not letting it slow me down and a talking myself out of depression is now a super power

If anyone wants to tell me I cannot be the victim of a narcissist.

I'd say you are right. I stopped being a victim of a narcissist years ago and I never will be again.

Not that it matters, I can call her a narcissist or the wicked witch of the west or that mad bitch from hell... The only person I would be insulting is her and she deserves it.

My mum will never be a unicorn, no matter how much I want her to be. Time has run out. Its too late for her to ever come to any kind of realisation before one of us dies.

I accept that now.

Starblaze.
I'm sorry to hear that, sad situation.

It has a happy ending Bridie

My mum will never be a unicorn

What does that mean?

Bridie -- I think I will stick with the long term medical advice/therapy I have gone through with experts.

You are free to believe whatever you want of my situation. It's called invalidation. You are not the first to try to invalidate me, my diagnosis etc.

If it makes you feel better to think that my Doctor is wrong, okay...

HolyHannah
No invalidation going on here, my doctor told me I had gallstones... he was wrong, if I had passed this information to others I would have been guilty of misinforming people.

Is FriendlyGhost coming back?

Chewbacca
Think she has gone to bed .

Bridie if you had been treated for gallstones you would not have gotten any better as your doctor was wrong.

My treatment worked.

Bridie -- I have no idea how you think those two things relate to each other...

I am talking from my personal experience... PERIOD.

My Doctor diagnosed Me with C-PTSD related to child-hood abuse. He then narrowed down the type of abuse -- Narcissistic. It wasn't difficult to figure out who with the NPD caused the damage. My 'mom'.

Imagine if bridies doc diagnosed someone else who he had never met with gallstones.