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Having a weak moment

(156 Posts)
nananet01 Mon 01-Feb-21 01:10:48

I've haven't seen my granddaughter for 2 years. I've seen my 7 year old grandson for minutes only during those 2 years. It's a sad story with a long history.
I cannot help but feel for my adult daughter and grandchildren given the unprecedented times and pressures on parents and the toll on our children and grandchildren. But I know she does not want contact and I respect that.
During a weaker moment today I was tempted to send flowers. I send gifts to my grandchildren and they have been accepted. I email first. I am not made of stone and at the end of the day, this is my child.
Just a weak moment I guess.

Sparkling Fri 12-Feb-21 07:19:58

Freedom and Armadillo, no one would deny that if you were abused as a child you would cease contract with that person. I can think of nothing worse than your own mother rejecting you, never mind abusing you. I wonder how you ever develop any self esteem and confidence. You have both gone on and had families and value and want to protect your children from what you suffered. So well done for doing that. However there us another side if estrangement, many grandparents, who did their best as parents and loved their children to bits, are estranged for some perceived slight or wrong word, it can be as simple as that. Who knows why. Imagine those children of yours,whom you protect from your mother, ever turning on you. You think it's impossible when you gave a good relationship and the loves there, but it happens. The heartbreak is indescribable. I think however, not to have a safe and loving childhood the worst.

Smileless2012 Fri 12-Feb-21 09:43:36

The good thing about this and other estrangement threads on GN is that they provide a place for both EAC and EP's to share their experiences.

I agree Freedomfromthepast that sites exclusively for either group as well as providing much needed support and understanding, can also prevent any insight into estrangement from the other perspective.

This is a great thread, the title chosen by nananet draws attention to an emotion, "a weak moment" that I'm sure, many who are living with estrangement experience.

I posted earlier about how after almost 8 years, we received an email from our ES a couple of days after my mum died and one of the responses was that perhaps he had had a weak moment of his own.

I hadn't thought of it like that until I read that post and when I did, it made perfect sense to me. His short email began with him saying that he didn't know whether to contact us or not, so even though he went ahead, he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.

No one wants to be inundated with emails, text messages, letters, cards and or flowers from the person they've estranged. We've not sent a birthday card to our ES since he estranged us.

If, out of the blue something arrives from the person/people you've estranged, it might be more palatable to see it as a moment of weakness that doesn't have to be responded too.

The sender may well be unsure if it's the right thing to do, just as nananet was in her OP. There's the risk that whatever is sent will be returned or prompt an angry and bitter response or simply be ignored.

I chose to respond because I appreciated how much it took for him to get in touch and I didn't want him to experience that deafening and heart breaking silence.

Nicegranny Sun 25-Jul-21 13:57:16

smileless your message 11/02/2021
It’s approximately 6 months since those messages and l have to say from my very strong gut feeling it’s taken 6 months for me and my daughter to be out. My daughter isn’t even in the country and rarely has of late had any contact with her brother.
These young women have zero emotional intelligence due to their own previous life problems and they put them on our soft kind and empathetic son’s convincing them that we are the problem. X

Estranged Thu 29-Jul-21 00:01:29

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CafeAuLait Thu 29-Jul-21 00:33:54

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