SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

You are spot on there Smileless.
I've stopped playing.
The silence is crushing.
But I like the peace.

I think silence must be better than abuse. I live on the edge all the time waiting for the next thing.

The silence when you don't know what's going on, don't know if you're ever going to see your AC and GC is abuse Allsorts. That said, once the sword of Damocles has been swung, and the relationship ended, I agree that the silence that follows is preferable to the abuse that preceded it.

I think silence must be better than abuse. I live on the edge all the time waiting for the next thing

I think what you describe is happening to you IS abusive Allsorts

What does "Sword of Damocles" mean Smileless2012?

It's in reference to someone who is in a hopeless situation, who fears the worse and there's nothing they can do but wait for the inevitable bad thing to happen; the 'Sword of Damocles hanging over my head' Violetsky.

I really didn't think it would happen to me. I thought nothing could break the bond between my son and me. The Conspiracy theorists brainwashed him.

I don't fear the worst either, it's happened.

Mentioning the sword of Damocles that's how we felt when my husband was diagnosed with cancer . We where given 5 years and the when the thing dropped to be told he was terminal. It was devastating and given 4 months to 2 years. He died short of the 4 months.

Felt like that having the sword back hanging over my head when my son sent that email and then it dropped with that letter and unopened presents and cards.

In my son's case it was a relief I knew not to hold out any hope of seeing him or my grandson's. It meant I could come to terms with it and find peace. Which I have. Have my wobbles. But silence is better than abusive calls ,letters etc.

I worry all the time about them. But I know who I am. And know my worth.

My son knows what a bad mother,mother in law and grandmother is as he knew his grandmother his dad's mom. And to tar me with the same brush upset me at first but now makes to angry. He knows how we suffered at her hands. And yet he is doing the same to me.

As I have said I have only hated 2 people they where my in laws. But no matter how badly they treated us. My husband would never give up on them so neither did I. It was verbal digs all the time and in deference we had to put up with. I even put up with his mother after he died because he asked me to look after her.

What our adult forget their children will grow up and they will no longer be able to control them. Nor will they have any say in who they fall in love with. Be interesting to see how they cope if their children turn against them. And will they remember they treated their parents the same.

Whiff.

Before they were even married our ES told me he'd never let her parents see any children they had, because he knew as did we, the kind of child hood she'd had.

I told him that he couldn't do that unless that was what she wanted too as they would be GP's but he could always insist and ensure that they never had the child(ren) unsupervised.

Who'd have thought that we would the GP's denied our GC!!

Smiles life is so unfair. It caused a lot of augments between me and my husband over his parents treatment if us. He was a wonderful man but where his parents were concerned he never stood up for me. But I didn't love him any less for it. I understood how hard it was for him. But at least he did have parents who loved and cherished him, mine.

My father in law adored the children but my mother in law took against our daughter from when she was born. She was all over son. Unfortunately my father in law died when she was 4 and he was 8 months old. But once he began to be his own person she treated him the same as his sister.

And yet I am the bad person and had the 2 grandson's I know taken away and never seen their youngest.

But I am lucky I have my daughter and family.

The difference is the people they fell in love with. And as we all know we can't help who we fall in love with.

Hmmmm seeing a bit of a pattern here - my ES is 37 too

Mr. S. never really stood up for me either Whiff but like you I don't love him any less because of it. You're right, "we can't help who we fall in love with" which is why we're so lucky to have fallen in love with the men we did aren't we.

Another 37 year old Elless there does seem to be a pattern here doesn't there.

Smiles we are very lucky I had a wonderful man and so glad you still have Mr S.

My son is 34 and daughter 38. Both their spouses are the same age as them.

It's a lovely sunny morning here and the forecast is looking good for the weekend.

The thing with being retired is that bank holiday weekends don't feel any different to all the others, as we don't have to go to work anymore.

Our girls are coming tomorrow for dinner but that's all we have planned. What are you all up too this weekend?

Interesting. My DH was probably 37-38 when him and his mother fell out more permanently.

Lots of gardening for me this weekend.

How curious that it all kicks off when they are around the 37 mark.?

Gardening here too. Glorious weather,

It's been 3 weeks of silent treatment now.....apparently the little one has had chicken pox. I only found out by seeing it on Instagram. Hey ho.

I have had some ups and downs this week, but my friends and my youngest son have been wonderful. I am keeping busy, just taking each day as it comes. Finally finished painting the shed, it's a large one about the size of a garage. It took 3 coats so was a bit of marathon. Still it gave me something to focus on.

Not sure what happens next, still waiting for that sword to fall but I have no intention of sitting around moping. Time to get my life back on track. With or without them.

Good to know you're keeping yourself busy DerbyshireLass. It's lovely here too but I have a pile, literally a pile of ironing to get through this afternoon so need to find something decent to watch on tv to relieve the boredom.

Well had an interesting morning. 6am had to phone for an ambulance. As usual very busy . My daughter came so cancelled it and she took me. Got seen straight away. Had 2 ECGs and put straight into the ward for A&E patients that need more care. Put in heart monitor and bloods taken.. Even had some breakfast. Think hospital staff have a special course in making the best tea. Never had a bad cup in any hospital. Dr and nurses wonderful as usual. Finally have a diagnosis for my heart I have Atrial fibrillation. Now on blood thinners and beta blocker. Also being referred to AF clinic but need to speak to my GP next week. My brother has AF as well.

The Dr thinks I have had it a quiet a while but they caught it on the ECGs

Beautiful weather here as well but need to rest today. Tomorrow the front garden needs a weed.

Enjoy all your plans. ?

Good grief Whiff are you OK?

Maybe you should leave that front garden for a day or two *and take it easy*.

Whiff Take care ⚘

Are they checking your thyroid Whiff? I only ask because that is how it was discovered I had a hyperthyroid. It can cause devastation to your body. Be careful with the beta blockers as some can cause Insomnia even though you would think persuading your heart to slow down would make sleep better. There are different types, don't be afraid to ask for help if one doesn't work well for you or the dosage is off.

Sounds like you are in the right place and getting good care, I hope you feel better soon.

OMG. Whiff. Hope you are ok. ?❤️

Thank you all I feel better . Knowing what is has been a great help.

VioletSky my thyroid has been checked it's fine. Thank you for thinking of it. Don't worry I always ask for help when I need it .

See how I feel tomorrow morning over the garden. But I never baby myself I just get on with what I want to do. At times when the pain rockets it stops me and annoys the hell out of me. But I know my limits. Anyway if I do to much my daughter sets her eldest on me and he tells nannie what to do . ?

Thank you all again. ?????

Thank goodness you're OK. Now TAKE IT EASY, yeah I know nag, nag, nag but you've got to admit I am rather good at itx

Goodness Whiff hope you are ok, DH is on blood thinners now after me nagging him a few years ago to go and get his leg checked - turns out he had a blood clot. Don't be going bungee jumping or anything now because every knock will bruise Take care.