Child's wishes

Spain seems to follow the same guidelines as other countries for gpr

Grandparents have the right to request visitation and judge will evaluate what is best for the child.

In the case of divorce, the rights of parental visitation takes precedence and then other parties are taken into account

expatsmagazine.org/the-rights-of-grandparents-over-their-grandchildren/

I would not go to court over this. I’m afraid it does more harm to the children, as their little lives are made more traumatic. I decided to put them first. Don’t expect a sudden visit and everything wiped out, missed sharing their lives and being part of it. Just hope they are happy.

That was our decision too Allsorts but I do understand why some do go to court. It must be traumatic when children suddenly lose the GP's they've come to know and love.

"I decided to put them first" it's a shame that some parents don't do the same.

Family breakdown and estrangement come from pain and add to it. Memories can be distorted. Each individual has her/his own memory of what led up to estrangement, often dissimilar. Some individuals have ‘difficult’ personalities, addictions, mood swings. Sometimes attempts to try and rebuild relationships causes more distress, makes the situation even more intractable. Court proceedings are likely to make things worse

"Sometimes attempts to try and rebuild relationships causes more distress...." I agree Iam.

Lat year after 7 years of estrangement I received an email from our ES 2 days after my mum died. This was not IMO an attempt to rebuild our relationship but even so, did cause distress.

A couple of months ago, so 1 year later Mr. S. received an email from our ES following the death of his mum. Not the shock that mine was because we kind of expected it, but upsetting none the less.

I did give this some thought Smileless and I think it rather strange. After so many years, why contact you at all? Why was he even interested? I would find it hard to believe it was to hurt you after no contact for years.

I think you're right love0c that he didn't do it to hurt us. I doubt he actually considered our feelings TBH and it was more to do with easing his own conscience.

I admit I once did go to a family funeral I probably shouldn't have gone to. Why? It felt like the right thing to do. They were still family and I did want to show support in a sad situation. I did care. I think I also wondered if the death might affect their view of what really mattered and make them inclined to want to connect again. In hindsight I think it was the wrong thing to do. We did check ahead of time if we should come or not and we were told we were welcome. But they were estranged and nothing had changed. Maybe they aren't even family anymore. At the time I was coming from a good place. In hindsight, maybe misguided. If I could wind back the clock I wouldn't go.

Thank you for sharing that CafeAuLait. When our ES emailed me after 7 years of silence, it did go through our minds that he may have been thinking about connecting again.

It was that that distressed me so much because the thought of having any contact with him terrifies me. It took every ounce of strength I had to put myself back together again and it was the same for Mr. S.

I could never trust him again and even if I could, I don't think the fear that it could happen again would ever leave me.

I miss the son he was and it's hard knowing that we'll never know our only GC but that's preferable to living with uncertainty and fear.

CafeAuLait you did do the right thing, especially by checking first.

Estranging doesn't make us immune from grief. I loved the people who hurt me. If I didn't I'd have protected myself a long time before.

A funeral is not the right opportunity to heal an estrangement but you reached out and they answered. That was an open door for anyone to reach out in future and if no one wanted to, it's an opportunity for a little forgiveness and letting go of bad feeling.