Just to see the children

I cannot begin to imagine what sort of D would put in a harassment complaint to the police against her 86 year old mother .

"Now all hope seem to have gone" it looks that way Sweep and I'm so very sorry and know how painful this is. Think about making a memory box for your GC. Write letters and anything else you may want too put in the box. Leave the memory box to them in your will.

One day they will know that you loved them.

If you are able, please let us know whether or not the police take this any further.

I'm sorry you are in that situation Sweep. I am surprised that there is such a strong response to what you described and you didn't just get some sort of warning.

I hope that things go OK. Maybe you should look into some counselling to help you process your feelings

It sounds like your daughter had made it clear you weren’t to contact her or them. I’m sorry if you had a shock by the police getting involved, but it’s clear they don’t want to hear from you. Best to avoid further trouble.

Sorry for your pain Sweep.?

Im so very sorry Sweep

Heartwrenched I understand how you feel because I'm dying to catch a glimpse of my GC too.

BUT I haven't been into town since I was estranged from them because I know that if I saw them it could be heartbreaking. I know what shops they like to go to and think it would be easy to find them....

Yesterday I was imagining going to their favourite shops, making faces at GC across a shop and having GC smile back at me....and then reality set in and I imagined my son seeing and whisking him away angrily. I know that I would break down in the shops and it would feel lonely and embarassing. I think it's just with all the Christmas stuff in the shops, it feels more isolating than ever with the doom of an impending Christmas without them. Really though, even if my GC smiled back, what would that even achieve? He's too young to remember who I am and would just think I was a cheerful stranger.

I know that seeing them won't change anything. What needs to change is our children's hearts- and without that, we will only hurt ourselves more.

However, it's your decision. If you do decide to, please update on how it goes. I know, it's very tempting. Especially this time of year. ]

AmberSpyglass. Easier said than done when I previously had a loving relationship with my daughter and grandchildren and I love them all so very much. My only other child died shortly after a full term birth and I was told It wouldn’t.be able to have another child but my determination was such that I eventually gave birth to my daughter..My husband and I were so happy.
Perhaps nobody is entitled to so much happiness.
The birth of our grandchildren- oh what joy. Sadly my husband died six years ago but at least he didn’t have the sorrow of being rejected. The problem began when my daughter’s husband got into incredible debt. I first loaned him money which has never been returned and then helped him with vast sums well in excess of £100,000. It is easy for him not to face me and I don’t what goes on between him and my daughter.. I just hope she is happy.. I have never put any pressure on them as far as money is concerned. I don’t have much now but money isn’t everything to me. seeing my daughter and grandchildren is all I long for.
Yes,I did have a previous warning about harassment and I couldn’t stop myself. Thought if ziti wrote to my daughter telling her how much I love her she might weaken and I followed this with another attempt to see my granddaughter.
Nobody seems to have come up with any idea about getting the law changed - my only hope.

You have been incredibly kind to your daughter and husband and it upsets me you are treated this way. I can’t see how your daughter is happy, she knows you must miss them all, however you can’t alter anything as she is taking his side. I do hope you look after yourself, now we are able to get out more after having all the vaccinations, could you contact Age Concern and see if there are any meetings you could go to to mix with others, perhaps the local library or church have things going on. Start treating yourself and do things that get you out, let us know how you get on.?

Stay away from the school. Anyone parking by schools are reported. My friend parked outside side of a school. He proceeded to get his camera equipment out of the boot. He was putting it together, when he was aware someone was stood by him. It was a police officer. He wanted to know, my friends purpose parking where he had parked. My friend is a wildlife photographer. There was a river nearby. PC thought he was there to film kids. He was made to move away from the school. He is more Attenborough than stalker. He never parked near a school again

Oh dear how sad these stories are……most of us on this thread have either been estranged or were on the brink (like me ).
To all who are in pain

Smileless is right in what she says in my opinion. The main thing is that seeing them will deepen your pain even more. Just one look may not be enough and then where will you be? I feel desperate for you but it's not the answer.

Smiles

She contacted them TWICE after she'd been told not to. That's harassment. Her daughter has every right to call the police on her.

Just because someone is older, doesn't necessarily mean they are in poor health. It also doesn't mean that they can disrespect boundaries and expect there to be no consequences. She said she "couldn't help herself". If she has poor self-control, then I would question whether she's suitable to be around children.

Agreeing with agnurse. Age, health status nor familial relationship makes someone above the law.

After having been warned, Sweep says that she still couldn’t stop herself. No matter how badly someone feels, or how much they want something, they can’t ignore the law.

And I don’t see how changing laws to allow harassment benefits anyone. So many people have a nightmare of a time getting police to take stalking and harassment seriously as it is.

And if the law change being referred to is for third party visitation, I can’t see having a record for harassment helping anyone’s case.

Mercury Queen, this lady is 86, she needs help not a charge for harassment, this daughter and sil were quick enough to take her money, now she is if no use. People of this age need help and understanding can you imagine how hard it’s been for her on her own through lockdown? This is an age when people do have additional needs and some kindness.
Unfortunately Heartwrenched, you are not on your own, many if us will end up later in your position. It’s hard to comprehend that in your sixties. Please try not to make contact, it would cause trouble for you, I can understand your need, but you would feel worse afterwards, you really would. Meet other people if you can as I suggested

I didn’t mean to change the law with regard to harassment. I meant to change the law with regards to grandparents rights. Just after we left the EU they granted grandparents rights to see their grandchildren.
Dr Max Pemberton NHS psychiatrist and journalist wrote
“Grandparents deserve access to their grandchildren just as a parent does and children have a right to see their grandparents. To often in family feuds this important relationship is overlooked. Grandparents have a connection to the past that makes them feel grounded, offers reassurance and helps develop a sense of belonging. Yet grandparents still have no rights in the UK. How is this right?”
Yes I am guilty of harassment, as the law stands, and am prepared for any punishment but not to see my darling grandchildren for the rest of my life. No punishment could be greater. To be able to claim that you have never had a moment of weakness is very honourable.
Actually, I am in poor health but I do have wonderful support from life long friends and family who just wish they could help.

I don't believe grandparents have rights . How our grandchildren are brought up is their parents. I don't believe just because you become a grandparent you have an automatic right to see your grandchildren.

And before anyone jumps on me. I am an estranged grandmother. My son decided last year he never wants anything to do with me again . I not only lost him but 3 grandson's. He wants zero contact he has it. And before anyone believes I am at fault I haven't done anything wrong. I had no idea this was going to happen.

When you become a parent you set the rules . We did when our daughter was born. My mom over stepped the mark once . And I told she is our daughter and we are bringing her up our way. My mom never said anything again. Both sets of grandparents saw our children weekly . Even though my husband's parents where horrible. He would never give up on them. But that's besides the point.

Luckily I have a daughter and see my 2 grandson's weekly.

Since becoming a grandmother long after my husband died. I have always waited for invites to my children's homes before and after the grandchildren where born. How they bring their children up and who they intact with is their choice. Not a grandparents.

I miss my son and grandson's very much. But will never contact him . He's choice. I only know the 2 elder grandsons as the third was born after the estrangement I don't even know his name or exact date of his birth only know he was due in July last year.

Taking legal action or trying to get the government to give grandparents rights is only going to end in tears.

How many estranged grandparents would put up with our own parents telling us how to bring up our children. And demanding access to our children. I suspect none. May be wrong.

Estrangement is heart breaking and hard to believe it could happen to you. But it does more than I ever thought.

If you try fighting what your estranged child or children decide you are the only one who looses . Not them it gives them extra ammunition to hold against you.

You have to make peace with their decision and it's so hard but you have to for your own sake .

So sorry to read these very sad stories… my heart goes out to you all ???????

Sweep

You played with fire and you got burnt.
Harrassment is harassment.

Could you find another reason for living? Placing your happiness in other people's hands, out of your control, is a recipe for disaster

Harassment sorry

Are other countries and the EU wrong to allow grandparents the right to see their grandchildren? I would never tell parents how to bring up their children. “Demanding” access sounds much harsher than “I am so happy that I am now allowed to see my grandchildren and hope this may lead to a better relationship between us as I’ve missed you too”

Yes, you are demanding something the other person is not willing to give you

Adults have the right to make decisions for themselves and others to respect those decisions

Sweep123

I didn’t mean to change the law with regard to harassment. I meant to change the law with regards to grandparents rights. Just after we left the EU they granted grandparents rights to see their grandchildren.
Dr Max Pemberton NHS psychiatrist and journalist wrote
“Grandparents deserve access to their grandchildren just as a parent does and children have a right to see their grandparents. To often in family feuds this important relationship is overlooked. Grandparents have a connection to the past that makes them feel grounded, offers reassurance and helps develop a sense of belonging. Yet grandparents still have no rights in the UK. How is this right?”
Yes I am guilty of harassment, as the law stands, and am prepared for any punishment but not to see my darling grandchildren for the rest of my life. No punishment could be greater. To be able to claim that you have never had a moment of weakness is very honourable.
Actually, I am in poor health but I do have wonderful support from life long friends and family who just wish they could help.

Being a psychiatrist doesn't make someone right and I don't believe this one is right in this instance. There are good reasons a child might not have access to a GP. I say this as a gc who is very sad not to have known their GPs at all, but that was my parents' decision to make.

Sweep123

Are other countries and the EU wrong to allow grandparents the right to see their grandchildren? I would never tell parents how to bring up their children. “Demanding” access sounds much harsher than “I am so happy that I am now allowed to see my grandchildren and hope this may lead to a better relationship between us as I’ve missed you too”

I think taking your child to court for access to their children is more likely to result in the end of the relationship. I know, for me, there would be no coming back from that.

I've read the posts agnurse and know the story.

It's the children who have the rights Whiff, the right to know their extended family, a right that is denied them by their own parents.

Sweep my heart goes out to you. I hope that the authorities will recognise that you've acted out of love for your GC, the pain of your loss and that what you've done hasn't been done out of malice.

No, not a good idea no matter how much you want to see them. It would be like stalking and would make matters much worse.

IMO it needs to be thought through very carefully CafeAuLait and I wonder if those who decide on the legal route often consider their relationship with their AC to be over anyway, so they've nothing to lose.