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Just to see the children

(261 Posts)
Heartwrenched Mon 20-Sep-21 11:29:44

As you know I'm estranged from my grandchildren and like most of you here, I don't know why!.
Seeing as my daughter won't involve me in her or the children's lives anymore I was wondering, does anyone know if it's OK for me to park near the children's school.....not anywhere near the gates/building , just so I can see them without them seeing me. Should my daughter or partner see me, could I get into trouble just for wanting to have a glance at my grandchildren?

VioletSky Sun 28-Nov-21 19:01:26


Just to add I think my late MILs situation was linked to her being widowed very young and making my DH the reason for living. Too much of a burden for a little boy but I think it is an easy trap to fall into. His way of dealing with it was to be a bit ruthless if she overstepped the mark, his view was if she got away with anything she would just go further next time. It wasn't easy for either of them.

I think your husband sounds like a strong man and you are a strong woman who doesn't apologise for having her own thoughts and opinions.

I am going to learn from you

Smileless2012 Sun 28-Nov-21 19:51:21

You can understand how that can happen theworriedwell, he must have become her whole world when his dad died. Not easy for either of them as you say.

theworriedwell Sun 28-Nov-21 20:46:40

Thank you VioletSky.

Smileless it was sad. He has no memory of his father at all, he was a baby when he died.

I can't remember who wrote this If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. but I don't think she ever understood that. I've always tried to remember that with mine but I can't pretend it would be easy if you are a widow with only one child.

Yoginimeisje Mon 29-Nov-21 07:42:14

Theworried EstGP talk more about their GC because they know they will grow up and forget them, whereas the AC will be the same, as they are fully grown, The treasure of watching your GC grow gone forever! As Smileless has said, when I visited my now estD & GC, I would be chatting with my D the whole time & thereafter playing with my GC.

I've only heard the 'stories' of GM requesting to have their GC on their own from quotes from MN, which I find quite bazaar & hard to believe. I only look after my GC and have them stay over if my DD asks because she and her H are going out, or when my DD had her second child. Although my eldest GD has ask to stay when she has visited with her mum for dinner as she enjoys staying, being made a fuss of. It gives her mum a little break too.

Yoginimeisje Mon 29-Nov-21 07:44:59



Good point - I feel much closer to my own children than my grandchildren - it seems natural to me.

It's not just me then. I just feel that seeing my children would always be the priority with the GC as the bonus.

Yes that's how you feel, that's how I felt, till your cut out!

Smileless2012 Mon 29-Nov-21 09:08:03

I've often thought about those words theworriedwell. So painful to think that our ES was never ours, when we loved him so much and thought he loved us too.

theworriedwell Mon 29-Nov-21 10:32:51


I've often thought about those words theworriedwell. So painful to think that our ES was never ours, when we loved him so much and thought he loved us too.

I'm sure he did love you, you would have been his world when he was a little boy, no one can take that away not even him.

I suppose it is hard to know what to do for the best now other than to get on with your life. Maybe one day he will see things differently. I know with mine when their children became teenagers they suddenly saw somethings differently.

My eldest son, the divorced one, is the one who would probably be described as being low contact with me at one time. He went through a hard time and of course you lash out at the ones you love. Now his children are very definitely at the difficult teenage years we are much closer. He's already phoned me this morning to ask how we are and relate what GS has been up to.

Your other son must be a great comfort.

Smileless2012 Mon 29-Nov-21 11:44:01

Thank you theworriedwell for such a lovely responsesmile.

theworriedwell Mon 29-Nov-21 12:38:49

You're welcome Smileless.

Robina77 Wed 22-Dec-21 15:44:12

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