Just to see the children

I agree Madgran it is good to see the needs of children being given priority in any decision making, as of course it should be.

I worked in a Child Protection department, and was involved with family courts for some years, and SOME parents DO use the children against the GPs, for their own reasons, which could involve trying to manipulate or coerce their parents or in-laws.

It can be simply that one parent does not want the in-laws involved because they don’t like them, regardless of how good they might be as GPs.

The same, of course, applies to SOME parents who have custody of children, stopping their ex or ex relatives from seeing them, because of their own anger, and which has nothing to do with the children.

On the other hand, some grandparents did harm their grandchildren, in a variety of ways. It wasn’t as common as parental abuse/neglect, but it happened.

Every family is different.

A very difficult and stressful job DiamondLily.

My brother was on the child care panel, representing children in abuse cases. He did so for a number of years before standing down when the number of harrowing cases he was involved with became too much.

Smileless2012

A very difficult and stressful job DiamondLily.

My brother was on the child care panel, representing children in abuse cases. He did so for a number of years before standing down when the number of harrowing cases he was involved with became too much.

Yes, it does create an overwhelming sadness at what some people can do to children. It’s easy to become a bit bogged down and see everyone as potential abusers, which they are not, of course.

I took early retirement, and it was a bit of a relief to get back to normality. Normal people doing normal things.

It was a worthwhile job, but like your brother, I felt a bit burnt out by it in the end.

I can truly see for a lot of grandparents it must be infinitely preferable to be no contact that to have every action and statement picked to pieces, analysed and found incorrect. I could not tolerate it. It sounds frenetic so highly charged. . Pity you don’t get to see the grandchildren but they will accept their parents behaviour as normal.
I do think we should be like other countries and grandparents have automatic rights to go to court, perhaps looking at the parents role in why they are estranging.

You have my admiration DiamondLily as do all those who work in such distressing roles.

But you aren't the parents. At the end of the day people talk on behalf of others. State others intentions, feelings and relationships status as fact. But a lot of it is pure conjecture

It is NOT conjecture when the parents are specifically stating their reasons to me Bibbity...as I said I was working with them, as in working with them on the difficulties and with a focus on the children, not just as a colleague!!

I was not "talking on behalf of others", I was simply complimenting another poster on her balanced and sensitively appropriate approach to a difficult situation or a potentially difficult situation. That compliment to Diamond still stands.

Let's leave it there, don't want to derail things.

I did what I did to protect my children. It’s a long story, but I had tried with her for 7 years before I called a halt to it. She finally did something unforgivable, and that was it.

I would also say that in the following years, we heard from reliable sources, she managed to alienate her six daughters (on and off), six son in laws, all of her siblings, her mother, friends, and had to be moved from one sheltered block to another because she had the elderly neighbours at the point of rioting lol

All because of her behaviour. So, it wasn’t only me.

Itappears I am wrong in so many cases. First about EU GP’s rights and also about abusive grandparents. The only thing I know I haven’t got wrong is giving my daughter and grandchildren my undying love and making them happy when we were together. I have never ever done anything to harm them in any way accept to take Easter presents to my grandchildren which were snatched from them and thrown at me - first warning. Stood with other parents outside school gates to watch sports day - second warning. Wrote two letters to my daughter telling her how much I loved her and missed both her and children and saw my granddaughter at her door and called hello. So, I had two warnings and then interview at police custody station and waiting to see if it will go Crown .Prosecution. I couldn’t care less what happens to me as far as police are concerned. My only desire is to have my daughter and grandchildren back in my life. Since joining this forum, I feel all hope is gone. I thought our government would amend the law an I would automatically be able to see my grandchildren. I’m sorry if I may appear selfish but it consumes my every thought and l’m broken hearted. At 86 and in poor health it’s not easy to make another life for myself . I have cousins and good friends but I’m no pleasure to be with. I used to be full of fun. No more - all hope is gone.

Please go to counseling to learn to cope with this

You have been so lucky to get slaps on the wrist for your harassment and stalking behaviour.
Next time you are caught, you may not be

You don't appear selfish Sweep, it'd a terrible thing to go through.

Think about Hithere's advice and consider counselling, it may help you to come to terms with what's happened, not easy I know, and offer advice on coping mechanisms.

Of course you can come here and unburden but I do think counselling is worth looking into.

You really need some RL support and help, because being totally consumed by anything is never healthy. I have poor health, so I know how difficult it can be to regain your previous zest, but you will be happier if you can find things, other than your family, to focus on.

For whatever reason, your daughter is taking a hard line with you. You cannot change her behaviour, but, with help, you can change your reactions to it.

You don’t want to have the hassles of police/courts involvement, and your daughter doesn’t sound as if she’s willing to give way.

Counselling may help, but you need to look after yourself, physically and mentally.

Best wishes.

Sweep, please go and talk to your doctor about this and get a referral for some counseling support. I'm sorry you are in this place and hurting so much. Please seek support for yourself.

Heartwrenched

As you know I'm estranged from my grandchildren and like most of you here, I don't know why!.
Seeing as my daughter won't involve me in her or the children's lives anymore I was wondering, does anyone know if it's OK for me to park near the children's school.....not anywhere near the gates/building , just so I can see them without them seeing me. Should my daughter or partner see me, could I get into trouble just for wanting to have a glance at my grandchildren?

Morning Heartwrenched

I would find that more upsetting than healing, I do not want to see my GC out and about or my estD, as it would really upset me, not being able to stop and chat or even just wave and blow a kiss, rather not see them, they live just 5mins away, so quite a possibility. After 9yrs would I recognise them just driving quickly past ??

Having said the above, I did do just what you have said, a few months after being COd. I waited in the park adjacent to my GD play school, so I could talk to my estD, give them all a hug and a kiss and tell them how much I love and miss them. My estD turned back into the school and got straight on her mobile, to her H no doubt.

Next day I had a police visit, they accused me of trying to kidnap my GD even though I was quite a distance away from them and no way near enough to touch any of them. I had to sign a police warning of an harassment order and told never to contact any of them again. The police were very sympathetic though.

I wish you luck Heartwrenched

So sorry about that Yogini, that's so painful.

I have considered going to the park where I know they hang out in the hopes that i could see my GC ( I know my DiL would talk to me if she knew my son couldn't see, because he controls her and doesn't let her out except to the shops or park, doesn't let her talk to family etc) but ultimately talking to her behind his back is just going to make him mad and it won't lead to a happy family reunion. She's not my daughter and ultimately her loyalty should be to my son, so I don't want to put her in a difficult position.

Realistically I might bump into them at the shops, sometime. I wouldn't try to, but if it happens I will play it by ear. I have been avoiding the town in case of bumping into them, but I am starting to think, why should I? I live here too and have as much right to go into town as anyone.

Just read your post Sweep as I'm reading from my post up after posting .

I'm a deferent person too, all the joy knocked out of me. My C always laughed about me always dancing, singing & larking around at our family do's/parties, but not any more.
Felt the same as you about just wanting to be back in their lives, loving them as before. I too did nothing at all against them, aside from acquiring the jealousy of my darling little GD stepdad. 9yrs on I have no hope, my GC wouldn't know me anymore, that special bond we had destroyed.

I keep reading what the daughter of Sweep done to her and it makes my blood boil to hear she snatched the Easter presents for the GC and threw them back at her. To even go as far as
reporting Sweep to the police is a disgusting thing to do.

Sweep do not mean to be rude but you said you were 86 years old so that is a fair age what on earth does your daughter think you will do to the children? Your daughter should be well and truly ashamed of herself treating you like that. Other posters have told you to talk to your doctor and they are right but I have every empathy with what you are feeling to miss our grand-children is an awful thing and I hope you find some peace in your life.

3nanny6

Sweep admitted that she'd attempted to contact them and/or see the children on multiple occasions after she had been told not to.

That meets the legal definition of harassment. She wasn't listening and she wasn't obeying the boundaries that other adults had set out.

Just because someone is older, doesn't mean they are incapable. Google the "Granny Ripper". (I'm not saying that I think Sweep would do something like that. I'm just using it to indicate that older people aren't necessarily incapacitated.)

Agnurse ; I understand what you are saying and yes there is the point of harassment.
To me Sweep is an 86 year old lady and for whatever reason her daughter has denied her the chance to see her GC and from what she has written Sweep is clearly upset about that.

I had my first daughter at a young age and my grand-mother was still alive she also lived with my mother.
Most days after infants school my daughter wanted to go into her nannies house and see her great grand-mother she always called her Granny.
My mother and grand-mother have both died now but my daughter still remembers her great grandmother and I am happy that we have those memories.
I still empathize with Sweep.

Sweep’s story is so sad. So are the others. What I don’t understand is , how can they deprive their children of genuine love. Whatever they feel about the adults, isn’t it selfish and cruel…..you can’t give children enough love, they thrive on it. When I went through a bad patch with my middle son, I will always be thankful that they never stopped me seeing the children. It wasn’t regular contact, but I was allowed to go over and play with them for an hour, once a week/ fortnight, while parents went upstairs. It was hard. Things are not 100% now , but much , much better. I realise now, that they are quite regimented in their relationships. I am trying to have a get together for Xmas. If I don’t, they will hardly see each other. Sad, but true. I suppose they’ve all got their own lives now.

3Nanny6 that's lovely your daughter has such special memories of her Granny and Great Granny spending time with her. I didn't see my Grandparents so often as we lived quite a distance away, but I still treasure the childhood memories of those special times.

As an adult, I didn't always see eye to eye with my parents, but I always let them spend time with my kids and they had lots of fun! I am sure my kids have very happy memories of those times and cannot fathom how they could deprive their own kids of being loved by other family members. Except that my son is jealous and possessive. He thinks of no one except his own self gratification, unfortunately.

I hope all goes well for your Christmas get together CrazyH. It sounds a lovely idea!

I agree 3nanny Sweep is 86 years old FGS, what a hateful way to be treated at that age by your own D.

Yes it is selfish and cruel crazy and they'll never know just how selfish and cruel it is unless it happens to them, which for most of us who are living with this pain, will be too late.

Here's hoping your plans for Christmas go well.

Our ES's wife is "jealous and possessive" thinking only of her "own self gratification" and TBH he isn't much better Onward.

Sweep has created this situation and now is suffering the consequences for her actions.

Age and dna does not make special allowances to break the law

Sweep has reacted to the situation she found herself in Hithere, not being allowed to see her GC and her D refusing to have contact.

Some may regard an 86 year old lady being treated this way as reasonable. I don't.

Smiles

Sweep admitted that she contacted them multiple times and that she did so after she had been told not to.

That's harassment. If she "couldn't control herself" I would question whether she's fit to be around children.