Just to see the children

If a person cannot accept a no for an answer and chooses to break the law.... too bad so sad

You can react to a situation in many different ways - clearly pushing your own agenda is not one of them

The truth is that for whatever her given reasons when doing so Sweeps daughter has contacted the police and the police have agreed that Sweep should not be contacting her daughter and grandchildren.

As heartbreaking as that must be for her, repeating that behaviour has then meant consequences.

I think that it's best to get some help and counselling

That's harassment. If she "couldn't control herself" I would question whether she's fit to be around children.

I don't see that connection!

I do think you need counselling to help you deal with this Sweep as clearly your daughter is adamant that she wants no contact, and the police involvement highlights how strongly she feels. I am sorry for the pain it has caused you. I understand why you have found it so hard to stick to what your daughter has asked you to do but stick to it you must I'm afraid. Please , please get counselling and look after yourself.

Heartwrenched I hope that you are ok. I wonder if you have had any help to deal with the pain of this situation? If not, do think about it.

No, I don't see that connection either Madgran and regard the view that an 86 year old mother and GM who is obviously bereft at not being able to see her D and GC, and has done what she has because of that, as being unable to control herself so it's questionable as to whether she's fit to be around children laughable, it it weren't so absurd.

No matter how annoyed and frustrated I might be in her D's position, the thought of contacting the police and criminalising my own mother would never enter my mind.

Love isn't harassment.

Harassment isn't love.

Stalking isn't love.

The number of women and children who have been abused, harmed, even killed by those who don't recognize the difference between love, harassment, stalking, and obsession is far too high.

Age, DNA, family titles does not change that.

Since Sweep has made it clear that she's either unable or unwilling to stop her negative behaviour, what else should the daughter do? Put up with it? Uproot her family and move continents?

Blaming the victim of criminal behaviour is completely inappropriate, imo.

As hard as it is to hear it MercuryQueen that is the truth

Smiles

Sweep herself stated that the reason she contacted them was that she couldn't control herself.

Smileless, I totally agree with your view. The unkindness and intolerance shown to a 86 year old mother who gave her savings to help a selfish d and sil is unbelievable. What has happened to our society to just dump old people when they are no longer useful and need support. I would rather be kind than see the wrong in everything, look at what she has done and then look at what her d did. They didn’t dump her until she had paid their debts, nice people.

I will add that on seeing my granddaughter in the playground, I heard back that my granddaughter had told the person in charge “That’s my grandma and my mummy says I mustn’t speak to her but I miss her so much and don’t know what to do” If I am guilty what about my daughter who is denying a valuable relationship with her children? What harm is she doing her children? Nobody can understand her motivation.
Perhaps the reference to stalking is from somebody who is incapable of understanding how great the love can be between
grandparent and child and vice versa. I treasure the notes my granddaughter sent me saying “I love you so very much grandma” I suppose I should consider myself lucky to have known that love and have compassion for people who have been unable to give or receive such love.

Thank you Smileless and Allsorts for your support. I do know I have no choice and must stay away from my darling grandchildren. I am waiting to hear whether my case is going to Crown Prosecution. At least my grandchildren will know how much they were loved and how I fought to see them.
You are right as far as my daughter and son-in-law are concerned. I have served my purpose. I have given them all I have to give, The have put themselves before their own children.

I do know I have no choice and must stay away from my darling grandchildren

That is wise Sweep and hard

"That’s my grandma and my mummy says I mustn’t speak to her but I miss her so much and don’t know what to do” If I am guilty what about my daughter who is denying a valuable relationship with her children? What harm is she doing her children?"

How dare you put a child in that situation? How selfish of you to do that?
You are the one harming the child in this case.

She is a a very young child - still playing in the playground.
She is not able to make decisions for herself or even understand what is going on, she is not even a teenager to grasp the seriousness of the situation

That statement she made does not say anything about whether being kept away from them is justified

It only says she misses you. It is her feelings, not granting you her vote saying her mother is wrong

Children miss candy and icecream for breakfast.
Does it mean it is healthy for her?
No, it is not

I truly hope you try nothing else to contact them or dont cry a river when you get punished by the law like you deserve (even jail)

Oh do stop it.
Sweep has already said she won't contact them again.

Last time I checked the law applied to all.

It does, and it's being applied to sweep, who accepts that.

Sickening isn't it *MissAdventure?

^Perhaps the reference to stalking is from somebody who is incapable of understanding how great the love can be between
grandparent and child and vice versa.^

No.

The number of people who stalk another, citing LOVE, is astronomical. I've had experience with women's shelters, and the number of women and children who've been abused by someone who claims they LOVE them, that they did what they did out of LOVE, and they just couldn't help themselves, they LOVED them too much, is probably near 100%.

Sweep was told to stay away. She put her feelings ahead of everything else, including the law.

It honestly astounds me that people would rather blame the victim for turning to the law for help, and excuse harassment/stalking on the basis of age, gender, family title. Would they do the same if it was an ex spouse? At what point is it acceptable to call the police for help?

It is a very sad situation when relationships come to this. I accept that we do not know the daughters perspective. I accept that the daughter has made a decision as a parent to cut her relationship with her mother. I accept that she is entitled to call the police if she feels that is the only way to "deal" with her problem. No blame to her for doing that as she obviously feels that is the right thing to do/her only course of action!

What I do not accept is the need to berate someone so unkindly without a shred of empathy for the pain even if one does not agree with the actions . Yes Sweep has broken the law! Yes she has acted unwisely. Yes she has allowed her emotions to drive her. Yes she has accepted that she cannot contact them/try to see her GC again and has said so on here several times! Yes she is scared about the law, quite understandably!

No one is perfect! I find it hard to believe that her unkind (as opposed to constructive critical friends) critics are all perfect and have never made a mistake or let their emotions overcome them!! Maybe they have also "cried a river" when they realise their error. Maybe they would find it hard to have "prison" thrown at them whilst trying to accept their error and move on!!

Empathy for someone is not blame for a victim - just in case anyone feels that is what I am doing!!

MercuryQueen

^Perhaps the reference to stalking is from somebody who is incapable of understanding how great the love can be between
grandparent and child and vice versa.^

No.

The number of people who stalk another, citing LOVE, is astronomical. I've had experience with women's shelters, and the number of women and children who've been abused by someone who claims they LOVE them, that they did what they did out of LOVE, and they just couldn't help themselves, they LOVED them too much, is probably near 100%.

Sweep was told to stay away. She put her feelings ahead of everything else, including the law.

It honestly astounds me that people would rather blame the victim for turning to the law for help, and excuse harassment/stalking on the basis of age, gender, family title. Would they do the same if it was an ex spouse? At what point is it acceptable to call the police for help?

I'm not blaming the victim.
I'm saying lay off the person who has stated that she accepts she is in the wrong, and is waiting to find out how she will be dealt with.

^I'm not blaming the victim.
I'm saying lay off the person who has stated that she accepts she is in the wrong, and is waiting to find out how she will be dealt with.^

I'm not saying you have. Others have made such comments as the daughter should be ashamed of herself for calling the police on her mother, and similar.

That is 100% victim blaming.

Sweep excuses her behaviour as love. To me, that's not at all accepting that what she did was wrong.

So that's a reason to have a go at sweep, is it?
Because others have victim blamed?

Quite simply, it is unnecessary and unpleasant to read someone saying "How dare you?" when it isn't their child, isn't their situation, and they know as much about the facts as the rest of us.
Unpleasant and unnecessary.

Sweep, your put your GD in a really horrible position there. She knew she had to do what she was told by her parents but knew you was her granny.
You put her in that position of upset, not her parents.

Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? Just somone you can vent to and maybe get all your feelings out. They might be able to help you to make sense of the situation rather than you trying to change it.

There we are.
It's just as easy to be kind and still make a point.

There we are. It's just as easy to be kind and still make a point. smile

Exactly MissAdventure

Sweep excuses her behaviour as love. To me, that's not at all accepting that what she did was wrong

That is part of a process to get herself to the point that she accepts she should not have done what she did in these circumstances, as expressed so well but kindly by March above! People are human, not robots...and thinking about one's actions, assessing the consequences of one's actions, processing feelings of love/ emotion/ need/ selfishness/ unselfishness etc etc, take time, hopefully helped by constructive appropriately expressed critical friend advice!