Do you send gifts to GC when estranged

My grandchild will be an adult,not an eighteen year old by the time she receives her box.

Yes no contact is more common now but still very very unusual in lots of families.

I suppose it depends on the people we meet, work with etc etc.

VioletSky what you see as genuine concern is coming across as goading and cruel to the observer. Try putting yourself in their position; how would you feel if they were telling you that all the coping strategies that you've put in place to deal with your estrangement situation was you being manipulative with your mother? You wouldn't like it. You'd be hurt and upset.

Treat others with the respect, kindness and empathy that you expect to receive. Others shouldn't have to be defending themselves from you.

I’m with violetsky - personally, I’d find it very distressing and it would just lead me to resenting someone. Either make your peace now or leave it, but don’t be a coward and do it after you die.

I’d do it now if it was allowed but it’s not. I or rather we as a family have nothing at all to hide. We’d welcome a meeting round the table. But that will never happen.
Because
We just very unfortunately got mixed up with a very mixed up individual who is hell bent on destruction.
And that will never happen either.

Chewbacca I didn't say it was a manipulation tactic, I agreed it would be seen as one in some situations where the parents have good relationships with the children.

Fair enough pull me up if I need it but do it based on what I have actually said.

I do have empathy and concern, I am showing it.

I'm sorry that I don't agree this will be the beautiful positive thing others hope for but i would also want to be told that because I wouldn't want to cause harm and it makes no difference who started the process, I wouldn't want to end it that way.

It is cruel and unkind because of personal experience to say that a GP leaving a memory box for the GC they never knew is not doing so out of love.

How dare you accuse any EGP here on GN who post so openly and honestly about their pain, of acting out of anger and determination, determination for what?

Chewbacca has posted that you are in danger of going too far, well IMO you have gone to far.

You have no idea what it's like to be estranged by your own child and from your GC VS and I hope that you never do. So, rather than assume the very worst of an EP's/EGP's motivations read what is written hear. Read and take on board what is being said.

I do not judge any EAC here on GN or anywhere else for that matter, based on my personal and heartbreaking experience of my ES, so don't judge any of us, based on your's.

"don't be a coward"the coward in our estrangement AmberSpyglass is our ES.

The cowards are the ones who run away, who refuse to discuss what's wrong and who lie to justify their betrayal.

Germanshepherdsmum

*Summerlove*, you’re quoting from a post made a week ago. That ship has sailed. Smileless has already explained that baptism is not indoctrination. Indoctrination is insisting that someone accepts beliefs without criticism, i.e. questioning. That is not what mainstream Christianity is about.

I realize it’s a week old.

She did not explain its not indoctrination. If she had, I wouldn’t have commented on it.

But, like others, I’m allowed to comment on posts as I see them. Why do you feel the need to pull me up on that and act as thread police?

VioletSky

All I get is that, these boxes aren't truly coming from a place of love. It's coming from anger and determination how dare their parents cut us off and blowing things up with the "truth"... then not even being there to help the grandchildren cope with the fallout.

I feel sad for those grandchildren dealing with this later I really do.

OK I will take this comment back and I apologise for it completely. It went too far.

It does sound like I am accusing.

I am saying... What if that is the message the grandchildren ultimately get?

That's a terrible, sad possibility, if it wasn't, none of us would be in this situation....

So true smileless. If you’ve got nothing to hide talk it out.

You're wrong Hithere, I did explain it isn't indoctrination.

In my post on the 12.10 @ 14.32 I said "The promises made by the parents and God parents are their pledges to God and do not include indoctrinating that child into the Christian faith".

Trouble is VioletSky, you don't know when to stop. And, as predicted, you've gone too far again.

I’m summerlove

Their pledges to raise the child in the denomination.

The child isn’t really given a choice until they are much older.

For the record, I’m not anti religion, mine are all baptised. But I do feel it’s an indoctrination into the faith.

Apologies Summerlove for using the wrong name. "The child isn't really given a choice until they are much older", of course. Children don't really get much of a choice in anything until they're much older.

Smileless
Your opinion that you think I am wrong doesnt make it a factual and proved statement that I am right truly wrong.

Typo! That it is truly proved wrong

Smileless2012

Apologies Summerlove for using the wrong name. "The child isn't really given a choice until they are much older", of course. Children don't really get much of a choice in anything until they're much older.

Exactly.

So we agree. ?

I don't know what you mean Hithere as you can see I mistakenly responded to you in my post @ 19.54 instead of Summerlove.

That said it cuts both ways doesn't it.

My granddaughter is getting a message of hate right now she’s being filled with anger and encouraged to hate part of her family. It’s wicked and cruel she deserves so much better .

How can that possibly be ok by any standards it’s not the right thing to do to an innocent child.

Our box, my gifts that I do send to her are filled with love trinkets I know she’ll like.

As I said before violetsky your experience is yours.

Our experience as estranged grandparents is ours .

God help us.

No we don't agree Summerlove unless you regard teaching and indoctrination as the same, which I don't.

Chewbacca

Trouble is VioletSky, you don't know when to stop. And, as predicted, you've gone too far again.

Please stop trying to tell me and other people who I am.

I don't need to. You do it yourself.

Indoctrination is teaching a set of values/subject to be accepted without question/uncritically.

granniesunite I am truly not judging and I absolutely know that abusive estranged adult children exist...

But if you wait until you are gone to share your truth and the parents still have influence then it's going to be a problem for the grandchildren.

If you reach out to them while you are alive and can show the love then that they may not have at home being raised by abusive people... That's so much better than love they can't have because you are gone and they cant give love to you in return or get to know you

So your churches teach Islam, Hinduism and atheism?
Or do they teach the fact that God exists? That Jesus rose again?

Because those aren't facts. Teaching them as fact is indoctrination literally the definition of it.