SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Good morning dear friends, it's good to be back. Make yourselves a and find a comfy chair as this is going to be a long post which I make no apologies for as a week is a long time to be away from such good friends.

Many thanks for the lovely messages and chatty emails over Christmas, and a huge 'thank you' to Whiff for her secretarial duties, which she has assured me will be charged at the minimum hourly rate; phew.

I've been keeping up to date with our thread and see we have some new Warrior Queens. So, a very warm if rather belated welcome to*Hilltop*, Hymnbook and NurseKate.

I see my fellow Warrior Queens have extended the hand of friendship and support to you. You are among friends here, friends who understand the pain and trauma of being estranged.

It is with mixed emotions that we welcome you. Always upsetting to know of yet more who are experiencing the pain and trauma of estrangement, but good to know that this thread has given you somewhere to share with those who truly understand what you are going through.

I see NurseKate that you are being subjected to one of the nastiest estrangement games; "in and out". What better way to confuse, undermine and hurt your victim than having them continually off balance, never knowing from one day to the next where they stand.

Scapegoating, gas lighting and narcissist do seem to be the buzz words for our EAC, conveniently avoiding projection when ironically they are the ones exhibiting some, if not all of the behaviours they accuse us of.

I'm sorry that you didn't get a response for the gifts and cards you sent Spring. Even when one isn't expected, it is still hoped for. Such a hard decision to make, to send or not to send. For me, it's about you. If doing so and not getting a response is just too painful, then do think about stopping.

That is so true Allsorts, if our EAC don't love or respect us then what is the point. Mr. S. and I both had our pre Christmas cry and talked about what has been done and said. I ended up thinking how absurd it is to love and miss someone so much who has treated us so badly.

As you posted Yogin when we are first estranged and in the aftermath, our brains don't work properly as we reel from the shock of the unthinkable happening.

9 years in and I still have days when I'm convinced my brain isn't working properly.

Nanalouise your anger is both justified and understandable. You and your DH have a huge weight on your shoulders as he gets ready for his chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

This is the time for you to focus all of your love and attention in supporting him, and this is the time for him to focus on his recovery .

Namsnanny it's good to know that you read the posts here. I'm so sorry that this is so painful that you are unable to talk about it. Do keep popping on when you are able so we know that you're OK.

There's something empowering about reaching the stage where "enough is enough" Scotty. For me, that was the time for letting go and allowing the healing to begin.

That also goes for the endless cycle of jumping through hoops Socksandsocks. Those hoops get higher and smaller with every step so negotiating them successfully becomes an impossibility.

Oh PF what a terrible thing to have happened, I am so sorry.

30 hours of sleep Your body clearly shut down to give you time to recover from this set back, and shows how stressful and potentially harmful this is to your physical and emotional well being.

You did well DSL, getting through Christmas day despite your d.i.l. leaving her manners at home. Lulling you into a false sense of security is another strategy in this cruel game they love to play.

That said, you have the upper hand now. All of the reading and research you have done in the past few months has, and will continue to serve you well.

We had an enjoyable if quiet Christmas. A meal out on Christmas Eve followed by midnight mass.

A relaxing Christmas day although I must say, cooking a Christmas dinner for 2 is just as much work as cooking for a house full. The only difference it seems to me is the amount you cook.

The dogs loved their pressies and our girls called round in the morning to exchange gifts and toast the day, before they went round to one their mum's.

A few more tears from me on Christmas Eve, but not tears of sorrow. This was our 43rd Christmas and don't ask me how he managed it, but dear Mr. S. gave me the loveliest card he's ever given and that took some doing.

Well, apologies if I've missed anyone or anything out. I'll be servicing my chariot, brushing up my fake fur cloak, sharpening my spear and polishing up my Warrior Queen crown in readiness for 2022.

Not sure how you knew about those Whiff.

None of us know that the new year will bring but we all know for sure, and what we can all count on is the continued care, support and friendship that this thread offers.

OK that's it. Now stop sitting around drinking [tea] and get on with whatever it is you're supposed to be doing.

Love to you all x

BlueBalou hope your husband recovers well from his surgery. Moving to north Wales would be a good move for you. A fresh start new people and new adventures . My brother's friend brought a house 8 miles from Bala in the summer 4 bedrooms £160 k. I have an aunt and uncle who live in a Llanddulas they moved to their 3 bed bungalow in 2019 and love it . They paid less for their bungalow than I did for mine a 2 bed in the north west.

I moved to live closer to my children after they had both wanted me to for years. I moved 100+ mile's. Seems my daughter in law doesn't like me living 40 mins away from me and is jealous my grandson's loved it here. Or that's the reason my brother thinks why my son has thrown me away.

But I don't regret moving one bit. I live 10 mins from my daughter and family. But live my own life. I only existed in my old house. Moving here people got to know me not the labels we all carry.

Yes I miss my son and 3 grandson's but I am happy . I love my new life and made new friends.

You need to put what you and your husband want and need. Life is for living none of us know how long we have got. So we must do what makes us happy.

Smiles we crossed posts. About time you got back. Next time I'm charging double. But then again don't want their to be a next time.

Just glad you are back . ?

Welcome back smileless ?

Thank you Bridie.

Oh dear, don't think I could afford double rates Whiff, a good enough reason to ensure it doesn't happen again x.

Smiles. Good to "see" you. So glad to have you back. I tried to pm you without success. Anyway it's good you are back in the fold.

And of course, good that you are getting that chariot serviced......?

All is good here. I have enjoyed a couple of days on my own, resting, pottering about, watching some good tv. I watched "Wonder Woman" and thought it was very apt for us Warrior Queens.

Popped myself on the scales this morning ??. So now it's time to get down to business.

I am putting this dreadful year behind me and am determined to make a fresh new start in 2022. No more wishing and hoping, no more putting up with Madams nonsense. I've drawn a line.

I will continue to engage with my son and DIL but I wont be putting my life on hold waiting for them to deign to grace me with their presence. It's time to put all the grief, angst and anxiety behind me and build a new, more interesting life. (Covid permitting ?)

I am going to take charge, beginning with better self care. So today I have stocked up with fruit and veg and healthy stuff. No more carb laden comfort foods. Its time for me to look after me.

Here's to us my fellow Warrior Queens ?.

To a happier, healthier 2022.

Oooh you're brave DSL no scales for me until after the New Year. Still too many chocs and other good things to eat.

Welcome back Smiles. You have been sorely missed! xx

Thanks PF, I've missed you all too.

How are you doing?

It’s good to see you back smileless and I’m so glad you all had a decent Christmas.

Next year will be different..Sounds like the title of a good ?….?

So glad you are back Smileless, you were missed.
Whiff so pleased you are your old happy self, we all get days of what iffs, but they pass, in time they get fewer. I can go for weeks then one day it hits me again and takes me back, but not for long.

Thanks Allsorts. Those bloody 'what iffs' enough to drive you crazy if you let them.

oops just seen your post Granniesunite, thank you. so we have a title for a book. This could be a good group project.

Great to see you are back and on form Smileless ?. I’m with you - not going near the scales until the New Year when hopefully the fridge will be empty! In the meantime have a lovely new jigsaw to tackle - find it really helps to distract me from negative thoughts. Any other jigsaw fans out there??

Thanks Spring. Haven't done one for years but I can see why you find them diverting.

Welcome home Smiles xx

Thanks Iam, "welcome home" what a lovely thing to say.

Welcome back/home Smileless you've been missed

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Well I have a title for our book, bet you can all guess what it is .... 'The Warrior Queens' .

It's been a miserable day here, couldn't see the sea from our kitchen window until lunchtime when the mist eventually cleared.

I love to hear the sound of the lighthouse, rather haunting and very atmospheric. Reminds me of that film 'The Fog' when the ghosts of drowned fishermen make their way to shore.

I love a good ghost story, providing of course they remain stories that is.

Noted whiff…Im fairly new to this type of communication and I’m baffled by the rules! I do agree that some posters seem to be fire proof getting away with - to my mind -
goady posts and I really don’t agree with deleting texts let them stand and let us make up our own minds as to their meaning. We are all adults. Just my thoughts….

The Warrior Queens sounds about right smileless I’d read that.

I don’t think I will ever be a Warrior Queen Smileless.? I do think you are all doing a splendid job of being positive under very difficult circumstances. That is what I’m working towards.
Whiff ?

Just noticed I got deleted yesterday. Have sent an email to GN for an explanation as I broke no rules. We where talking about a hypothetical book. Seems someone has s bee in her bonnet.

To that person who got me deleted have the guts to face me.

I got deleted on another thread, I don’t know why, I’d broken no rules. If deleted, surely we should be told why.

let us know what they say Whiff.

You are a Warrior Queen Allsorts. You courageously share your pain and experiences here. You give your support to others. You know how to lift the spirits of others, which you did last week with your lovely emails, just when it is needed.

You can't be positive all the time, none of us can and part of being a Warrior Queen is being able to say when you're not.

Well there's a chapter for our book Granniesunite 'What makes a Warrior Queen'.