SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Thank you for that information, Whiff. Not sure how it is relevant to me, as I didn’t report it, but I did happen to catch that comment earlier. I found it quite mean. Even if I am sharing opinions contrary to the accepted perspective here, my intent is not mean-spirited at all. Quite the opposite. I will always advocate leaning to the positive side of things. Anger and hurt ruined too many good years of my life. I don’t wish anyone here to suffer the years I have, and I see many either are or for a myriad of reasons are coming close to it. I certainly would never want to create a circle of others who would seek to isolate another even on an online forum. Our estrangements can be isolating enough. Peace be unto you!

The” nuclear family” quote resonates with me. It’s put me on the back foot as we say around these parts.

I won’t take seriously any posts that I think are questionable and deliberately trying to cause trouble. So I’ll continue to feel much stronger in my resolve to face estrangement face on and stop cowering under its ugly face and a lot of that courage has come from the genuine posters on here. I’m no warrior queen in RL but I I think that’s part of my problem. I’m learning to speak up now. ?

3nanny6 good to see you posting again I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. and a Happy New Year to you too. ?

@granniesunite,

I am curious as to why “nuclear family” is triggering to you. Is there an underlying resentment of an adult son/daughter with their own family (whatever the reason behind it)? Apologies if you have told the story. I don’t remember many of your posts.

Well this thread has certainly got off to a flying start hasn't it, and I don't know about any of you but it's certainly blown a few of my cobwebs away.

We've taken down all the Christmas decorations and packed them away only to find a rogue snowman lurking in the living room. There's always one decoration left behind.

It's surprising how bare the house looks and our cockapoo was very unsettled while we were doing it all. Maybe she thought we were packing to go away and leave her behind.

I know Christmas is a difficult time for us all, but there's always a little sadness for me when we take down the Christmas trees as they're so beautiful.

Well spare a thought for me this afternoon as we have 'The Sound of Music' on and Mr. S. insists on singing along with Julie Andrews. Just can't find the appropriate words to describe what he sounds like.

He's now driving me mad because he's pointed out quite correctly that the children's and Julie Andrews's outfits keep changing!!!! One minute all the children are wearing their curtain outfits, and the next they're not.

J.A.'s dress changes from brown to orange. I've lost count of the number of times I've seen this film and have never noticed it before. Now they've just shown the children in the trees, wearing their curtain outfits again; I'm confused.

He had a narrow escape earlier when he said in the words of the song that I needed someone older and wiser telling me what to do.

Don't panic, he's still in one piece but may be on borrowed time.

There are different types of estrangement, all that cause problems..

My DH’s youngest son (married with children of his own) has led us a merry dance for 18 years.

We swerve from full, and apparently good contact, to then no contact for between 1-4 years, then onto pleading texts for money, to abuse because we won’t pay for contact, to “forgiving us and wanting full contact” and then we do the whole thing again.

I cannot pretend to be emotionally affected by not seeing this son, as he’s not my child, but I am exhausted, stressed and angry, on behalf of my husband.

I honestly wish this son would estrange us permanently, but he won’t.

He has bled his mother dry, financially, and feels the need to persist with us.

He’s a functioning alcoholic with a gambling addiction, so there’s no resolution to it - DH and I won’t finance this.

It’s so wearing though. ?

I’ve got the house to myself for a few hours hence -my being on here- so all decs down and cleaning up in progress.

Glad of something sparkling as a reward later on today.

l ❤️ The sound of music * smileless * I’ve got patsy cline on belting out crazy.

Enjoy getting back to “normal”.

Diamondlily ?

You're right Yogin she did start the first support thread and I too remember her describing that time on the beach in France, and her beautiful poem that was the start of so many support threads.

She and her H tried so hard for years to keep the relationship with their son going but the last time I heard from her, we used to email, it had all fallen apart.

Heartbreaking as they'd got to know the GC who they were so close too and who were very close to them.

It's maybe difficult for some to understand but there is a sense of relief when estrangement happens DiamondLily. I remember the stress, exhaustion and anger only too well and felt it all more Mr. S. then I did for myself.

Seeing someone you love in pain and distress is heartbreaking because there's nothing you can do about it.

You might not love it as much if you were listening to Mr. S. singing along with J.A.'s Granniesunite.

SilentObserver

Thank-you and my Adultchild and myself have just not seen eye to eye and resolved everything. Knowing where I stand with her is good and she still initiates contact. Sadly I have not been involved in the relationship I used to have with her three children but where there is life there is hope. It is what it is.
An estrangement from the GC is heartbreak.

I have been fortunate though because I have a six month old new GC from my son. The relationship is good and my son and his partner cannot be more positive in wanting me in my GC life. I was ill in the three week run up to Christmas I picked up the Covid bug from somewhere. My sons partner phoned me every morning to check up on me and asking if I needed anything, she was more attentive than my own two daughters, and I could not fault her.

I know I have expressed my own opinion about the thread if anyone does not want me on there then they only have to say because I feel that some of the positivity has been derailed over the last few months.

Well I'm being an unashamed sloth today. A lazy breakfast of croissants and coffee and later a simple dinner of chicken Caesar salad, TV and many some vino. That will do me.

It all begins tomorrow when I shall spring into action. ?. New healthy eating and exercise programme, take down the Christmas decorations and the house needs a thorough deep clean too. Phew. Wears me out just thinking about it,

Had to smile at Smiles hubby singing along with JA. Can he hit the high notes, My husband had a terrible singing voice, it was pure torture. I had to go into another room. My poor eardrums just couldn't take it.

I must admit I had never noticed the inconsistencies in the costumes in Sound of Music - I must look out for that.

Maybe some vino....not many. ?

DL. That's so hard for you. ?

It's lovely to see you posting again 3nanny. I know you've been popping onto to say 'hello' so seeing your news is a lovely start to 2022. Especially hearing about your lovely GS.

You should be proud that with all that you have been through with your D, especially those 'tough love' times that you are still able to communicate and she still initiates contact.

Of course there isn't anyone here who doesn't want you on thi thread. Very wrong for it to be suggested by SilentObserver that you might be, I think the word used was 'attacked' for expressing your point of view.

No he can't hit the high notes DSL and that's only one of the problems. He's not very good at keeping in tune either!!

I have just been and put in a tray of roast potatoes, roast parsnips and done my broccoli into the saucepan. I have lamb still in the fridge (already cooked) so am putting a dinner together. Dear son has phoned about half an hour ago telling me they are coming around to see me for New Years Day he said his partner is bringing a lamb curry with rice. I don't know why I cook as well but I want to show willing.
Rushing off now to tidy myself up.
Have a good evening all.

3nanny6???have a lovely meal .

This is what was posted "hope you will not be attacked for expressing and objective opinion". Absolutely not 3nanny please put this out of your mind, it's not worth dwelling on.

That sounds lovely 3nanny have a lovely evening.

DerbyshireLass

Maybe some vino....not many. ?

I might have one or two. Cheers.?

Smileless2012 thank-you for a lovely post. Just rushing off then to make myself presentable. Dear son does not think to make arrangements and will phone and tell you he is coming a couple of hours before. I do not feel too bad but had to sit up with the dogs until about 12.45 am as the fireworks were frightening them even though I put a calmer on their ears which I got from the vet.
Glad Mr. S. is enjoying the Sound of Music and having a sing a long. I noticed there were many musicals on over the Christmas did you watch West Side Story? I am not a fan of the Musicals and could not even face watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang so looked through a hundred channels just to find something I liked.

3nanny6

A new grand? How exciting! I know new additions do not “replace” those separated from us, but they are surely always welcome. Such a wonderful way to start the year. Keep love and positivity in your heart and there is always hope! No matter how small or big the hope, as long as it’s there we will not break. Still, marching forward and focusing on what’s right with what’s left of the family is always the goal. I hope you and DS and co have a wonderful evening

Have a lovely time 3Nanny6.

Oh yes we watched West Side Story the other day 3nanny. Hadn't seen it for years and loved every minute of it. Even better was Mr. S. didn't know any of the words so couldn't sing along.

We're so lucky that our dogs aren't bothered by fireworks. There was a fabulous display we could see from our roof terrace at midnight.

You got fireworks Smileless? Lucky you! It was as silent as a graveyard around here last night! No drunks staggering home from the pubs; no late night party revellers; no groups of friends walking home - nothing.

Yes and they were lovely Chewbacca.

I'd forgotten how long 'The Sound of Music is' or maybe it just feels long because Mr. S. is still singing.