Daughter Detox ~ Recovering from an Unloving Mother

imaround

VS - wanted to let you know about this book. I have heard parts of her story in the past so I knew her relationship with her mom was not good. I may add this to my reading list.

www.yahoo.com/entertainment/jennette-mccurdy-details-dark-side-160000071.html

Sorry, that is a US Yahoo link. In case you don't want to click it, it is Jenette McCurdy from the US series iCarly. Her book is called I'm Glad My Mother Died.

I've just read the link...

It gave me goosebumps

I've seen a lot of the show with daughters.

I will get the book

VS I can’t see how you have answered anything. It is a worry for sure.

Thank you for your concern Allsorts

I'm feeling emotionally and physically wrung out at the moment. So I am going to concentrate and doing things that make me happy.

Starting with a bath bomb and a good book

Does literally every TV show or film that features a back story now have a difficult mother figure and a strained or estranged relationship?

Seriously.. doesn't seem to matter if I watch horror or Disney films.

I've just finished a series (no names or spoilers) about surviving an accident and the back story is the main character fighting the mental legacy of an unstable neglectful mother to survive...

It's literally everywhere I look

Id quite enjoy watching a positive family sometimes

Perhaps you are subconsciously gravitating towards that theme if you are feeling a bit low right now? We tend to be drawn to what suits our mood of the moment be it music, books or films.

I don't normally know anything about things before going in, just random new series that have popped up or Disney films with the children...

I need a warning next to the rating so I can avoid it lol

The last series would have been inspiring if it wasn't so unbelievable

I didn't watch Encanto for a long time because it had a scapegoat theme. Finally watched it and loved it, though I could do without scapegoat themes. Lol

I think its interesting how long Disney has been teaching children about unhealthy relationships

Random thought of the day

As well as being soulless and only being able to feel any joy in life by feeding on admiration and praise from their enablers or feeding off the hurt and pain they cause their victims...

I wonder if another reason narcissists are called emotional vampires is because if you hold a mirror up to their own crappy behaviour, they just can't see themselves in it.

i'd like to send my first message to all the people who've likened the pain and damage many people suffer via abusive parents, to a small scab that "should be left to heal". if that is the size and extent of the pain you've suffered, then it's right that you treat it in a way that suits you.
but for some of us the pain is of a broken leg, with broken bones poking through the skin causing constant pain, blood loss, and simply not healing. we've tried every way possible to get past the pain, but finally discover that the only way to heal is to re-set the break. or at least to try to re-set it. to find a way of getting it to hurt a little less so that we can indeed try to "get on with our lives".
when you belittle the pain we suffer, you merely make it worse. is that your intention?
i think you should really try to let each of us heal the best way for us, as an individual, in a way that works at least a little for us.
we are not all the same.
we have not all experienced the same life.
for some the broken leg has become septic. we need a good course of antibiotics as well as the re-setting before we can have a hope in a million of healing. even a little.

to all sufferers of childhood abuse, indeed any kind of abuse, my heart goes out to you and i hope you can find at least a little recovery, so that you can enjoy your life.

to all who wish only to condemn, please take your condemnation elsewhere.

i thank you.

Hi riete I hope you find some positives and support here

I love this article

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201907/unloved-daughters-and-6-questions-keep-them-night

thanks violetsky, for the positive thought.

i've been reading more pages of these posts today, and love the idea that "we" might read a book "together" and discuss how we feel about it and whether it helps us. perhaps i'll get to that part as i read the last few pages. i'm really keen to read the body keeps the score, particularly if there are clues about unpicking the damage the abusive childhood did. (might my body reduce the score, i wonder?)
i'll be back when i'm up-to-date.

Its a wonderful book, I'm still working on body keeps the score but I watched an interview with the author recently and he is so kind and empathetic it will be nice hearing his book in his voice now

I have been reading about "body keeps the score" in relation to "Boarding School Survivors". It makes a lot of sense linked to trauma in childhood and feeling/being unloved. Not all children who attended boarding school are "privileged" - there can be many different reasons for the boarding experience. I too have been wondering if the body can reduce the score riete.

I haven't gotten to the end Madgran, read another chapter today

But seeing how my body responds to triggers is really interesting.

I'm the sort of person who thrives under stress or pressure yet, things that trigger me can make me extremely unwell in a short space of time.

At the moment I am being mindful, thinking things through and just breathing through or avoiding triggering situations or people.

I am interested in what more can be learned from the book and I have set myself a target of the chapter a day.

I am interested in what more can be learned from the book and I have set myself a target of the chapter a day

Good idea!

That's interesting Madgran. Three of my cousins all siblings went to boarding school and loved it. I remember feeling quite envious of them at the time.

Its not that experience for everyone Smileless

Yes I realise that Madgran which is why I find it interesting as my cousins loved it.

He has just started to talk about ACES Madgran which is actually really fascinating. Even the NHS has article about ACES now.

Smileless2012

Yes I realise that Madgran which is why I find it interesting as my cousins loved it.

How old were they when they went Smileless? And out of interest what was their home life/family life like? I wonder if both those things might have an effect on their boarding experience?

Yes, ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences) is being recognised in terms of potential long term impact physical and/or mental. It seems that less obvious ACES are now being recognised as part of that including, for instance, boarding school.

They were 10 I think and all went to the same school. My uncle was in the army and it was decided that boarding school would provide continuity as they moved around a lot due to his postings.

They had a good home and family life. The youngest who had and still has bad eczema and asthma says it was a very positive time for her, giving her the self confidence that she's previously lacked.

I'm sure that the home/family life as well as the personality of the child have a bearing on the boarding experience.