Daughter Detox ~ Recovering from an Unloving Mother

That's a good one too Allsorts. Your mum was a wise woman.

Mags, it must be so difficult for you. I’m afraid alcohol along with any addiction, also mental illness, is terrible to cope with, eventually you will have to distance yourself for your sanity because it breaks you, You need support losing your beloved husband so recently.?

Allsorts, that is wise advice for everyone.

Mags; Addiction is a horrible disease, I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Allsorts is correct, you do need support. Have you looked at the SUPPORT thread here?

I have tried reading The Body Keeps Score and am having trouble getting into it. I know that there are multiple books by this author. I am wondering if I should read the others first? I keep feeling like I may be missing something with this one that makes me not understand it all.

Do you have the one that describes his early career working with veterans etc freedom?

I think probably, and maybe I am overthinking here, but I think for the book to help, understanding how the author got to where he did helps us trust the process.

Always

Thanks VS. I read a bit more last night.

And 100% true.

Saw this and it felt like a hug

5 steps to not being a scapegoat:

1. Only accept what is truly your responsibility. Let them take responsibility for what is theirs

2. Give yourself permission to step away

3. Refrain from arguing

4. Lean on your circle of support

5. Remember compassion

That is spot on VS

Santa has been!

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas and a happy New year

Merry Christmas to you VS! I still have some time before Santa comes, but I am pretty far behind you all time wise.

Merry Christmas everyone

Now I've figured out a way to post links on my dinosaur of a phone

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202009/5-boundary-setting-basics-the-narcissists-in-your-life

Something that might help those stuk in difficult relationships

Interesting summary Violet

Yes it was, I know my mum paints herself as the victim when she is really the bully. I can't imagine ever bullying my own child.

I still haven't finished the books either which I do need to

I am up to my ears in an unloving mother right now. She is finally moving out of ICU and getting better while I am cleaning up 10 years of financial crap. Not the first time I have done this either. If I don't, her and my dad will be homeless soon and she sure isn't coming to live here.

freedom that's one hell of a motivation

I admire you for everything you are doing

That's a great deal of responsibility for you freedom on top of everything else. How's your dad coping with your mum in hospital?

Well, I am feeding him. Once a week I make a weeks worth of meal, 3 meals a day and drive them 30 minutes to him. I am paying all the bills for him and working out her mess. He sits at home in his office watching TV and playing computer games, same as the last 40 years of his life. So honestly, he hasn't been very affected by her being in the hospital. He worries about her, but as long as he is taken care of he doesn't care who does it and is fine.

I still feel like I got the best part of this scenario. My youngest sister sits in the hospital with my mom all day. And boy oh boy is she being a pill to the nurses.

This isn't the first time in my life I have had to clean up her messes. Wont be the last I am sure.

I have gone through the gauntlet of emotions the last 2 weeks. From almost loosing her (I felt sad in case any of you EP are wondering), to wanting to help where I can (still do) to being angry because this is not the first time I have cleaned up her mess.

And funnily enough, I found info from where she was thinking of disinheriting me. I don't care, I don't need a thing from her. But it will be the final abuse in my long life of her abusing me. A slap in the face really. I am always the one who cleans it up, and my sister the GC gets everything. So typical.

Sorry, I am feeling angry today.

Sounds like you have very good reason to be angry freedomfromthepast, she sounds absolutely dreadful and I'm really very sorry that you're having to go through all this again. Please, accept these

Thank you chewbacca.

I wish I had something helpful to say freedom. I just hope you are finding time for yourself somewhere in all this

Luckily for me, I love a good challenge. LOL

I am actually on the back end of this all now. Getting things settled and organized and knowing what I have to do. Which is probably why I am starting to feel angry. I am no longer overwhelmed, so the other emotions are showing up.

One good thing about my mom is, she IS organized when it comes to her paperwork. Everything had a folder. But there are literally folders all over the house and you never know which one you were going to find next.

Did you come across whatever it was that she stole before?